I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby

I'm going to rip that gay assed mother fuckers little lie filled lungs out of his nose! How about that for miss directed anger? Nyk was off with his new little fuck buddy and I was looking for anything to numb my pain. I wasn't used to feelings like this, it felt like my heart was filled with glass and each time it pumped it sent glass shooting through me.

It felt like my whole being was being sucked into a vacuum and shattered. I took a deep breath, but all that did was cause more pain to throb through my whole being. People have argued about which pain is more…well painful, I'm here to tell you it's the emotional pain that hurts worse.

Physical pain you can ignore, you can wait for it to heal, it doesn't take long to heal. But emotional pain, that's something that never seems to go away. Every time you turn around its there, it's right fucking there.

I pushed myself up from the brick wall and ignoring my body's screaming protests at me I made my way further into the woods that flanked my school. Now is the time I wish I had someone who could kick the shit out of me. Maybe I should go fuck with Andy, Ryder might kill me then.

I pulled out my phone and my butterfly knife. I weighed both in my hands and flung the phone against the tree closest to me, I didn't want anything to do with it now. I laid back and just stared up at the trees, mentally screaming as anguish pumped through every inch of my body.

'It's just a little pain Sixxie boy' my voice was talking again
'Shut the hell up I don't wanna hear your bull shit today' I snapped back
'Oh come on...You saw the look on his face' the deceptively beautiful voice cooed. I grabbed the bottle of vodka out of my backpack and downed three fourths of it.
'Again shut the hell up' I stated mildly amused and grateful I got him to shut up with alcohol.

Luckily for me I stashed a large amount of alcohol in my locker; you know the one I never use? I chuckled, I was mildly buzzed after downing the vodka. I got to my locker and quickly opened it emptying it's contents into my backpack and making my way back to the woods. I found my spot again, it wasn't hard with a broken cell phone lying in a jumbled mess to illuminate where I'd been sitting.

I started toying around with my knife I usually wasn't one for drinking and knife games, but today, well today frankly I just didn't give a shit. The one single person I expected to stay the same my whole life was Nyk, I didn't think he'd ever change. Guess I was wrong. I flicked the knife open again and took another swig of the alcohol in my hand, as of now I wasn't at all concerned with what I was drinking, but more or less how much it intoxicated me.

"God I'm turning into a mother fucking pussy," I growled and leaned back against the tree that's when I heard rustling. I grabbed the knife and hid it; everyone around here knew not to come back here. Must be a stray or something. But then just as that though passed my brain, that familiar tuft of peroxide blonde hair floated into view.
"Oh hi Sixx," she didn't sound like she normally does, this time she sounded human.

"Fuck off," I growled glaring at her she plopped down across the small space from me
"It's a free country," she shrugged. I sighed and threw her a bottle, of what I'm not sure, but I threw her something. She took a swig of the bottle
"Yah know apparently you've over dosed twice and Ryder's covered it up," she mumbled I scoffed
"No, last we-last party was the first time," I mumbled I was a little more intoxicated than I'd originally thought.

"If you wanna delude yourself further go ahead, but I'm telling you the people you surround yourself with aren't good people."
"I'll remember that next time your brother starts to think with his dick," I growled. She seemed to back off once I said that, or maybe there was a hint of sadness behind her eyes. She didn't seem like the type of person who would do something as evil as they had; maybe it'd all been Arrow.

See this is the problem with me drinking, I tend to loosen up and pretty soon I start to trust people. I hadn't noticed, but Sam had moved closer to me during my little brain rant.
"Why do you hate everyone," apparently alcohol made her ask even stupider questions
"Because it's better to lash out and hurt someone else before they get a chance to hurt you," I mumbled staring at a tree as if it held the secrets of the universe.

"Wow you really are broken," she chuckled
"Yeah...If it took you this long to figure out you're either denser than I originally thought, or you just don't pay that much attention to the people you fuck over." I scowled; see tends to make me volatile and violent too.