I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love

She was quiet, as she watched me snort another line of coke.
I sniffled and tilted my head back, waiting for the drip.

I could feel her eyes on me, it made me uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked, looking over at her.

She shook her head, "Nothing."

I waved her off, "Oh whatever Dana, you're such a fuckin buzz kill!"

She rose to her feet, angry and hurt, "I think you should stop!"

"Stop what? The amount of pills I'm taking-"

"They counteract the booze you're drinking! It's not healthy Luke!" she interrupted.

"Tch, just let me live my life like this okay?"

She stomped out of the room, leaving me to my breakfast on a mirror.
I snorted another line, feeling the sting and burn, then the numbing warmth.

She came back in suddenly, looking at me sadly.

"Oh fuck! C'mon Dana, what now?!"

She crossed her arms, looking at the floor.

"What?"

She didn't look up at me when she responded, "Oh baby, let me in...let me help you."

Just those words were making it hard to stay, just those simple words.

"Well, sorry, but chosen this life I've taken," I said, concentrating on the thin white row in front of me.

"Wrong! Your friends made that decision for you a long time ago!" she screamed at me.

"Nevermind the friends I'm making! Just let me live my life like this alright?" I shouted back at her, pounding the table with my fist, sending a thin layer of coke wafting into the air.

"See what you just made me do?!"

She started to cry, pushing her back up against the wall, and slowly sliding down it.

"You can cry all you want to, I honestly don't care how much."

She continued to sob, "I've invested so much into us these past few years! What is happening here? I mean, we're not working out anymore...it's all going to shit!"

I ignored her and started to scrape a new line of coke for myself.

"Do I have to go to your brother?! Do I have to go to your friends?! Your real friends who you ditched months ago?!" She shouted at me.

That set me off.
I rose turned to face her, "You can't touch my brother bitch! And you can't keep my friends! Don't fuck with them, and don't fuck with me!"

"Things aren't working out, we're not working out anymore! I'll leave you Luke! This time I mean it!"

I turned back to the table, went back to the task at hand.

"Look at me!" she screamed.

"Well, fine. If it's between you and drugs, I choose this life I've taken...I choose drugs."

She stood up, moving over to me, "You need help Luke! You're out of control!"

I shrugged, "I might get a little shaken from this stuff, nothing I can't handle."

She was sobbing again, "Please..baby...let me in...just let me in. Let me help you for God's sake!"

She could cry all she wanted to, I still didn't care anymore than before.
I heard her dialing in her phone.

"What are you doing?!" I exclaimed.
She ignored me, "Hello, Paul? This is-"

I leapt up and slapped the phone out of her hand, hard.
She jumped back as if I had struck her.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! You can't keep my brother, you can't make him pick sides! You can't fuck with my friends either! Just what the fuck makes you think you can do what you just tried to do?!" I screamed in her face.

She looked afraid, her eyes wide with fear, her lower lip quivered.
I hadn't realized it until then, but I had both her arms in a tight grip, and I was violently shaking her.

I released her, shocked and ashamed of my actions. I went back to my table, to the coke.

She was silent, she slowly walked over to me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Please, Luke, let me in, I'm begging you-"

"Than beg!" I shouted angrily, shrugging her hand off of my shoulder.

She quickly walked out of the room, I heard her enter the bedroom, packing her things.
After a few minutes, I heard her walk out of the bedroom and back into the living room.
She stood there and waited until I turned to face her.
She had a suitcase and an armful of clothes.

"I'm leaving you Luke..I'm sorry, I love you..but.."

I silenced her with a hand, "Save it."

She put down the suitcase and bundle of clothes, taking her left ring finger in her right hand, she removed the ring she had on there.

"Keep it, maybe you can pawn it for more coke!" she screamed as she threw the diamond engagement ring at me.

With that, she took up her bags again, and stomped out of the house.

A few hours later, when I was out of coke, and was sober, only then did I realize the error of my ways, my actions.

I went to the pawn shop and pawned the ring like she told me to...to buy a gun to kill myself.