Burning Out

He sucked in a slow breath of air between his lips, exhaling out just enough for the cold weather to twist it into light clouds. His warm breath circled in the dark for a moment before disappearing under the brightness of a streetlight.

"What are we doing out here? It's cold." Rian asked me. Right now it was just him and me, alone in the dark.

My lips curved into a faint smile. "You've been making a fool of yourself all night, because of me and because of the guys." I explained quietly. I didn't mean it offensively. "I figured you'd like cool darkness rather than party lights."

"I'm not sure if an alley is so much better than Jack's party."

He was never one for deep conversations; just facts and small comments. I wanted more out of him. I wanted Rian to show me the reason I felt butterflies around him and the urge to just melt into his body. I had no motivation for this crush, this little non-relationship going on, but it was definitely there.

"Come here." I held out my hand to him, hoping he would take it, and he did.

Rian didn't dare ask me what I was doing, he knew better than that. I was never one to explain myself, even when asked, so he kept his mouth shut and let me pull him closer to me. I placed his hands on my hips and rested my arms around his shoulders

"This is called dancing, Rian, loosen up."

His body was still tense, not sure how to react to my sudden closeness. He was always the shy one, but that wouldn't stop me from trying. I began to sway my hips ever so slightly, trying to convince his body to move with mine.

"Dalia, I don't really like dancing, or alleys." He was making excuses now.

I nodded, but kept him close, not stopping yet. Other than words, he didn't protest. He even went as far as lifting one of my hands with his and spinning me.

"Do you even like me?" I asked him suddenly, stopping my movements.

Rian didn't reply at first. I was scared for a moment that I would be shot down and rejected. But he ended up lifting a hand off my waist and touched my neck, leaning forward hesitantly, kissing me softly and quickly.

I guess that was my answer.

&

"Rian, could we not talk about this right now?" I was at work and he had just walked in, trying to get me to answer his many questions.

It's been a year, since that night in the alley, and over five months since I've seen Rian in person. It's sad, really, that things ended up the way they did. But what happened, happened and I can't change that.

It is what it is.

Rian stepped in front of me. "And when do you suppose we talk about this, Dalia?" He asked. Ever since we dated, whenever that was, he'd lost all his shy and hesitant qualities around me.

"Not while I'm at work maybe?" I retorted, talking through my teeth.

I worked in a book store, which is generally a quiet place. Unless I wanted them all to know what was going on in my non-existing love life, it would be best to stay quiet. Rian wouldn't give up though. He followed close behind me, close enough for me to feel his warmth, as I filed books onto the many shelves.

"Can you just tell me why you haven't talked to me since I got back in town?" He asked. His voice was calm but hurt. "I've been here almost a week now."

I kept my back to Rian but stopped what I was doing. "Because I've started to move on, Rian, the last thing I needed was to have us spark again."

"How was I supposed to know you had moved on?" He persisted. The hurt in his voice was gone, now masked with anger. "Seeing as you won't talk to me, seeing as you promised me."

"By not talking to you, I hoped you would have gotten the hint." I hissed, beginning to put books onto the shelves again. "And I never promised you shit. I told you I'd wait for you, but I never promised."

"I think I should go." He replied so low that I could hardly hear him.

I should have let our conversation end there. I should have just let him walk out and let that be the end of it. But, I didn't; I couldn't. There were too many unresolved problems to just let it go that easily.

"At least you're telling me this time." I replied harshly. "And not just leaving me."

Rian snapped. "That's not how it happened and you know its not!"

"Then how did it happen, Rian?" I turned, fully facing him, still carrying a stack of books in my arms. "I woke up and you were gone. You left me after I practically gave you everything."

My eyes began to burn with hot tears that were threatening to fall. I didn't want to cry, not over Rian again. I cried that morning that I woke up alone, tangled in his bed sheets without his warmth next to me. It wasn't the first time I had slept with Rian, or anyone, but it was the first time I laid myself and my feelings out into the open, and then he was gone.

"Dalia, I-"

"No, don't say anything, okay? I've picked up all my broken things, fixed myself up, and I'm good now. I've finally gotten your flame to burn out." I told him. But that's not what I meant. I wanted to tell him to not hug me and not let me go, to tell me he was sorry and he wanted to start over. I couldn't though. "Go."

"I won't go, because either way, I'm damned in this situation." He said. "I leave and you'll hate me forever, I stay and it reopens our past. Which would you prefer?"