Look Closer

After a long night of waiting, flying, a four hour layover, more flying and very little sleep, Chelley finally arrived in Baltimore. Her phone's battery was low and she was thankful she had managed to get all the information she needed out of Alex the night before, as well as a promise he wouldn't call Jack and tell him what she was doing.

By the time she pulled up in front of Jack's house, she was exhausted. Her hair was a mess and she did her best to pull it back into a decent ponytail. Nerves were trying to get the better of her but she did her best to ignore them. She had come too far to wimp out because a few butterflies had taken up residence in her stomach.

Her eyes caught the clock in the car as she pushed open the door. It was a little before eight but she couldn't let that stop her from what she had come to do. All the thoughts in her head were jumbled by the time she reached the front door and she no longer had any idea what to say when she saw Jack. Regardless, she rang the doorbell and waited patiently.

The door opened slowly after only a few moments and she was greeted by a pleasant looking woman. "Mrs. Barakat?" she asked, holding back a yawn that was begging to escape her. The woman nodded with a hint of curiosity on her face and waited for Chelley to continue. "I'm sorry," she said, "I know it's early but I was wondering if Jack was around?"

The older woman nodded again. "He is. Just a minute," she said politely and closed the door.

It was a few minutes before the door opened again to reveal Jack. Surprise played across his face when he saw the girl standing on the other side of the screen door. "Chelley?" he said, "What... how did you... why..." he paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "Hi," he finally said, pushing open the screen while pulling the door closed behind him and stepping out onto the porch.

"Hi, Jack," she said and rubbed her dry, tired eyes.

"Long night?" he asked, obviously realizing what she had done, or at least having a good idea.

She nodded. "I'm running on about two and half hours of very broken sleep. I officially hate airports and flying," she said, trying to force a smile. Her attempt failed due to her lack of energy.

A grin broke across Jack's face. "I know that feeling all too well. But I would never really complain about it because it's an important part of the job I love," he said. Chelley nodded but remained quiet, having completely given up trying to make sense of any train of thought in her head. After what seemed like hours, Jack spoke up again. "What are you doing here, Chelle?" he asked. His tone wasn't harsh but more inquisitive but his body language and the tension that surrounded the two made it obvious that his guard was high.

She had to choose her words carefully because she knew at any moment he could walk through the door behind him and slam it in her face. So she took a quick minute to think about what she wanted to say and how to say them in a way that couldn't be misconstrued.

"I've been thinking a lot," she began, her eyes on the ground between them. Her brain screamed at her to look at him when she spoke so she raised them to his face before she continued. "I'm sorry, Jack," she said.

"For what, exactly?" he asked.

"Everything. I'm sorry for kissing Alex and starting shit with Cassie and ruining the party you threw for me. I'm sorry for making everything between us so awkward. I'm sorry for being a bitch and not being more grateful for everything you've tried to do for me," she said. "But even more than all that, I am so, so, so sorry for hurting you and always pushing you away because all you've ever done is be a really great person to me."

Jack's face hadn't changed. His expression remained hard. "What makes this apology any different from the half assed one you gave me two weeks ago?" he asked. The wall he had been building between the two of them seemed to get taller by the second.

Tears sprung to Chelley's eyes and she lacked the energy to keep them from falling. "Damn it, Jack," she said, knowing she didn't have much right to be upset, but unable to hide anything at that moment. "I quit my job to be here, to make this apology."

"So?" he asked.

His responses were infuriating her but also fueling the fire inside her. The fire that would get her to really say what she was feeling. And he knew it, so he continued to push her.

"So?" she repeated, and he nodded. "So, when would I ever do something like that? I had everything planned out up until I met you, Jack. That's what I do. I need order in my life. But this, this is not planned out. I walked out in the middle of my shift and drove to the airport. I don't have any clothes or a toothbrush or anything with me other than what I carry around in my purse. But I needed to say this to you because it's been killing me and you don't even fucking care," she said, all but yelling at him.

"What did you need to say to me, Chelley?" he said.

"That I'm sorry," she shouted.

Jack let out a quiet chuckle. "No," he said, "There's something else that you're leaving out. I can feel it."

Chelley shook her head as the tears continued to fall down her face. "Can you just accept my apology or not?" she asked.

"No," he said again. "It's not that simple."

She sighed loudly. "Why are you making this so complicated?" she asked.

"Why have you been making this so complicated, Chelley?" he asked. "Answer me that, completely honestly. Why have you, since that morning we woke up in Vegas until this very moment, been making this whole situation so goddamned complicated?"

She stayed quiet. And they stood there in the silence for quite awhile. Her eyes had lowered to the ground again. She knew what he wanted her to say. And her heart was screaming at her to say it because it was true. But her brain was arguing all the reasons she shouldn't. Her brain was telling her to just walk away and get back in the car and drive to the airport so she could go back home. So she could go and beg for her job back, pleading temporary insanity.

Because isn't that happens when you let your heart make decisions for you? When you throw everything you know, everything you've worked for out the door to follow your heart? It's what happens when don't mean to fall for someone past a certain point. When it stops being fun and starts being something you have trouble not thinking about. Isn't that the definition of momentarily losing any sanity you once had?

Maybe she was completely out of her mind. Why else would she have flown across the country to talk to a boy she claimed she couldn't be with? But when she finally forced herself to look up at Jack, once again, she caught his warm brown eyes and her heart fluttered and her stomach flipped and suddenly it didn't matter what her brain was screaming at her. Because if she was crazy, then what she was about to say would make sense.

She drew in a deep breath and kept her eyes locked on his. "Because I really like you. And that wasn't in a single one of my plans," she said.