Status: Complete.
Lullabies
Bottle and a Gun
“Alex’s brother, Daniel, died.” Jack said.
My eyes went huge and I covered my mouth with my hand, “Oh my God. How?”
“Suicide. Alex came home from school one day to find him dead. There was an empty pill bottle on the floor and Alex hasn’t taken it very well since. He blames it on himself because they got into a fight before he went to school. That’s why he was so depressed a few weeks ago and missed some school.”
“That’s terrible. Then why is he such a man whore?”
“That would be how he tries to forget.”
“I feel horrible. I’m such a bitch.”
Jack wrapped his arms around me and said, “It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner?”
“Well that’s not one I’m going to share. You’ll have to ask Alex one that one.”
“What’s so bad about it?”
“Nothings bad, it’s just well the band only knows why and I swore up and down I wouldn’t tell.”
“Oh my God. He likes me?”
“No.”
“Good. He hates me and thought I’d spread it around the school?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“That’s it, isn’t it? Well it does seem kind of probable.”
“Whatever, Jonna.” He said ruffling my hair as he got up.
The next day at school I wore sweat pants rolled over at the waist, a tight Iron Maiden shirt and converse. Everyone stared at me as I walked into first period. One girl even started whispering to her friend. I ignored her and put my head down on my desk.
“Psst.” Alex said while poking me in the back repeatedly.
“What?”
“You okay?”
I wanted to snap back and say ‘What does it look like? I’m fucking tired.’ But I held my tongue because I know I don’t need to make him feel worse. “I’m just really tired, Alex.”
“You sure? Because you didn’t even slip in a snide remark or call me a name.”
I looked down at my chipped nail polish and said, “Yeah I’m fine.” He seemed to accept that so I turned around and took notes. I don’t know if I can continue this bet knowing the things I know. How can I tell Alex I want to quit? ‘Oh by the way I found out about your brother and I’ve been acting like a bitch so I quit, I’m sorry.’ No, that would never work. I looked down at my paper and noticed my notes turned into doodling.
“Psst.” Alex was poking me in the back again.
“Yes?”
Instead of saying anything he shoved a neatly folded piece of paper in my hand. I looked down at the paper then back up at him but he was taking notes like nothing even happened. I slowly opened the small square and laid it out flat on my desk. It read, ‘Is it possible for a tie?’ ‘You mean like we both quit at the same time,’ I replied. ‘Something like that.’ ‘I don’t see why not. So are you quitting?’ ‘No.’ What the hell was that for?
After school I met up with Rian and we went to the pizza place to get a soda and talk.
“Hey, Rian, can you keep something just between you and me?”
He looked curiously at me for a second then said, “Yeah, what is it?”
“This,” I said and slid Alex’s note across the table, “What’s he mean by this?”
He glanced at it for a second before folding it back up and saying, “How should I know?”
“You have to you’re in the band and you’re his friend.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You know what it means.”
“Listen Jonna whatever you think you know, you don’t so don’t press this further.”
“Okay. So how’s Daniel doing? I mean you’re always at Gaskarth’s house so you should know right?”
“Who told you?”
“What are you talking about? No one tells me anything remember.”
“Jack told you, didn’t he?”
“No. Rian, what’s up with Alex? Tell me.” I said seriously.
“I can’t tell you, Jonna.” He said as he got up and left.
I sat in the booth for a few minutes before getting up to go home. When I was home I turned on my computer and went to grab an aspirin for my on coming headache. I returned to my computer to see an AIM message from Alex.
AGaskarth69: Hey… you there?
JonnaJinx666: Yeah
AGaskarth69: Are you going to the coffee shop to watch us play?
JonnaJinx666: I wasn’t planning on it. Why? …Jack is that you?
AGaskarth69: Are you mad at Alex?
JonnaJinx666: No.
JonnaJinx666: In fact I miss the old Alex.
AGaskerth69: …Me too.
Then he sighed off so I grabbed my phone and texted Jack. ‘What was that about?’ ‘What was what,’ He replied. ‘Did you message me on AIM?’ ‘No.’
My eyes went huge and I covered my mouth with my hand, “Oh my God. How?”
“Suicide. Alex came home from school one day to find him dead. There was an empty pill bottle on the floor and Alex hasn’t taken it very well since. He blames it on himself because they got into a fight before he went to school. That’s why he was so depressed a few weeks ago and missed some school.”
“That’s terrible. Then why is he such a man whore?”
“That would be how he tries to forget.”
“I feel horrible. I’m such a bitch.”
Jack wrapped his arms around me and said, “It’s not your fault, you didn’t know.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner?”
“Well that’s not one I’m going to share. You’ll have to ask Alex one that one.”
“What’s so bad about it?”
“Nothings bad, it’s just well the band only knows why and I swore up and down I wouldn’t tell.”
“Oh my God. He likes me?”
“No.”
“Good. He hates me and thought I’d spread it around the school?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“That’s it, isn’t it? Well it does seem kind of probable.”
“Whatever, Jonna.” He said ruffling my hair as he got up.
The next day at school I wore sweat pants rolled over at the waist, a tight Iron Maiden shirt and converse. Everyone stared at me as I walked into first period. One girl even started whispering to her friend. I ignored her and put my head down on my desk.
“Psst.” Alex said while poking me in the back repeatedly.
“What?”
“You okay?”
I wanted to snap back and say ‘What does it look like? I’m fucking tired.’ But I held my tongue because I know I don’t need to make him feel worse. “I’m just really tired, Alex.”
“You sure? Because you didn’t even slip in a snide remark or call me a name.”
I looked down at my chipped nail polish and said, “Yeah I’m fine.” He seemed to accept that so I turned around and took notes. I don’t know if I can continue this bet knowing the things I know. How can I tell Alex I want to quit? ‘Oh by the way I found out about your brother and I’ve been acting like a bitch so I quit, I’m sorry.’ No, that would never work. I looked down at my paper and noticed my notes turned into doodling.
“Psst.” Alex was poking me in the back again.
“Yes?”
Instead of saying anything he shoved a neatly folded piece of paper in my hand. I looked down at the paper then back up at him but he was taking notes like nothing even happened. I slowly opened the small square and laid it out flat on my desk. It read, ‘Is it possible for a tie?’ ‘You mean like we both quit at the same time,’ I replied. ‘Something like that.’ ‘I don’t see why not. So are you quitting?’ ‘No.’ What the hell was that for?
After school I met up with Rian and we went to the pizza place to get a soda and talk.
“Hey, Rian, can you keep something just between you and me?”
He looked curiously at me for a second then said, “Yeah, what is it?”
“This,” I said and slid Alex’s note across the table, “What’s he mean by this?”
He glanced at it for a second before folding it back up and saying, “How should I know?”
“You have to you’re in the band and you’re his friend.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You know what it means.”
“Listen Jonna whatever you think you know, you don’t so don’t press this further.”
“Okay. So how’s Daniel doing? I mean you’re always at Gaskarth’s house so you should know right?”
“Who told you?”
“What are you talking about? No one tells me anything remember.”
“Jack told you, didn’t he?”
“No. Rian, what’s up with Alex? Tell me.” I said seriously.
“I can’t tell you, Jonna.” He said as he got up and left.
I sat in the booth for a few minutes before getting up to go home. When I was home I turned on my computer and went to grab an aspirin for my on coming headache. I returned to my computer to see an AIM message from Alex.
AGaskarth69: Hey… you there?
JonnaJinx666: Yeah
AGaskarth69: Are you going to the coffee shop to watch us play?
JonnaJinx666: I wasn’t planning on it. Why? …Jack is that you?
AGaskarth69: Are you mad at Alex?
JonnaJinx666: No.
JonnaJinx666: In fact I miss the old Alex.
AGaskerth69: …Me too.
Then he sighed off so I grabbed my phone and texted Jack. ‘What was that about?’ ‘What was what,’ He replied. ‘Did you message me on AIM?’ ‘No.’
♠ ♠ ♠
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Title credit: Hollywood Undead