Unshead Tears and Stupid 'I Love You's'

I sat on the curb for a while.
In the rain.
Pathetic.
After what felt like hours, I got up and walked home.
I slammed the door shut and started up the stairs.
I knew my mom wasn't here.
It was 5o' clock. Thats when she had her drinks cause her life was such a hell.
She left us. I hoped and I dreamed she wouldn't but she did.
She divorced him. But I think he's a better man now even if it all comes down to the how he's paid.
I looked up to my parents love, there's was gone and so was mine.
I thought it was real.
Maybe I'm just this guy in denial but I'm getting this down to a science.
I don't think love is real.
I think its our worst weapon and our best nightmare.
Windshield wipers can't make the rainy days go away, and medication cant make the hurt disappear, but it could help.
I'll keep on smiling it up, Cause in a stitch like this you realize what you need.
California waits, I need to make that change and party like its summer all over again.