Status: Hiatus
As Depression Takes Over
Then
Ryan just stares at the table in front of him. He thinks about that night four days ago. You know, the one where he locked himself in a room and didn't come out. Well, Pete doesn't know Ryan's out with his friends at the moment. Ryan should be relieved but he's not. He's just there, staring at a table while his friends are laughing at something William said.
"What's wrong, Ryan?" Spencer asked. He's always so caring towards Ryan. "You're not yourself. You're..." Please don't say 'not normal' or 'weird'. "You're different nowadays."
"I know." They don't know about Pete's abuse. At the time it first began Ryan didn't think it would end up being so bad. Actually, Ryan thought Pete was perfect for him, he just made a meaningless mistake. Pete made him happy and he made him laugh. There was something about Pete that made Ryan want him badly. It wasn't his looks or his flirting. He could never figure out what. The question still floats around in his mind but he doesn't pay any attention to it.
Ryan usually remembers memories from the beginning of their relationship but somehow he always ends up at the bad memories. Most of the time it's the same order, the same thoughts. Everything.
He's remembering the first time he slept over at Pete's.
It was getting late and Ryan suggested that he should go home
but after awhile he asked Pete if he could stay the night.
Pete said he could sleep over whenever he wanted.
That moment made Ryan so happy.
He told himself he was so happy he wouldn't be able to go to sleep.
Pete saw the look on his face and knew that day was the perfect day.
The day he'd been waiting for.
So when it seemed like the right moment to ask Ryan, he did.
Would it be okay if we... had sex? Tonight?
You mean right...right now?
Yeah.
Ryan didn't know if he should.
At the time he'd never had sex before and Pete knew it.
That's why Pete was so nervous to ask him.
That's why he wanted everything to be perfect.
And Ryan knew all that so he said okay.
I don't see why not.
They smiled at each other.
It was weird for Ryan.
Their love was so simple and innocent.
Ryan always thought having sex would make things between them dirty.
He didn't want that but he didn't want Pete to leave him.
After his first time it seemed like things were the same.
Ryan had nothing to worry about.
Then it happened.
They started having sex more often and in the weirdest places.
Well, it was weird to Ryan at first but then it felt normal.
He loved it.
He would sometimes asked Pete to have sex.
Pete never said no.
Just thinking about it made Ryan feel dirty
but he liked that too.
It was like a whole different side of him.
A side no one but Pete ever knew about.
And it was okay.
It was all for love.
Ryan can't remember where things changed. There was so many possibilities. It was probably all of them. He just can't remember the first one.
"Ryan, I think we should take you home." Home. Where is home? If he went to his real home then he'd get abused. If he went with Pete...
"What's wrong, Ryan?" Spencer asked. He's always so caring towards Ryan. "You're not yourself. You're..." Please don't say 'not normal' or 'weird'. "You're different nowadays."
"I know." They don't know about Pete's abuse. At the time it first began Ryan didn't think it would end up being so bad. Actually, Ryan thought Pete was perfect for him, he just made a meaningless mistake. Pete made him happy and he made him laugh. There was something about Pete that made Ryan want him badly. It wasn't his looks or his flirting. He could never figure out what. The question still floats around in his mind but he doesn't pay any attention to it.
Ryan usually remembers memories from the beginning of their relationship but somehow he always ends up at the bad memories. Most of the time it's the same order, the same thoughts. Everything.
He's remembering the first time he slept over at Pete's.
It was getting late and Ryan suggested that he should go home
but after awhile he asked Pete if he could stay the night.
Pete said he could sleep over whenever he wanted.
That moment made Ryan so happy.
He told himself he was so happy he wouldn't be able to go to sleep.
Pete saw the look on his face and knew that day was the perfect day.
The day he'd been waiting for.
So when it seemed like the right moment to ask Ryan, he did.
Would it be okay if we... had sex? Tonight?
You mean right...right now?
Yeah.
Ryan didn't know if he should.
At the time he'd never had sex before and Pete knew it.
That's why Pete was so nervous to ask him.
That's why he wanted everything to be perfect.
And Ryan knew all that so he said okay.
I don't see why not.
They smiled at each other.
It was weird for Ryan.
Their love was so simple and innocent.
Ryan always thought having sex would make things between them dirty.
He didn't want that but he didn't want Pete to leave him.
After his first time it seemed like things were the same.
Ryan had nothing to worry about.
Then it happened.
They started having sex more often and in the weirdest places.
Well, it was weird to Ryan at first but then it felt normal.
He loved it.
He would sometimes asked Pete to have sex.
Pete never said no.
Just thinking about it made Ryan feel dirty
but he liked that too.
It was like a whole different side of him.
A side no one but Pete ever knew about.
And it was okay.
It was all for love.
Ryan can't remember where things changed. There was so many possibilities. It was probably all of them. He just can't remember the first one.
"Ryan, I think we should take you home." Home. Where is home? If he went to his real home then he'd get abused. If he went with Pete...