Beautiful Insanity

The next couple of days at the institute flew by quickly. All we did was eat, watch TV, eat, talk to some random doctors and then sleep. Everyone was depressed, I had no idea why but maybe it was because after that taste of freedom we found out that this place was hell. But the person who was suffering the most was Gerard. He spent most of his time locked inside his room and late at nights I could hear low sobs coming from his room. I tried to talk to him but he didn’t even want to look at me, that worried me. What if I had something wrong and I didn’t know? Well he didn’t give me the chance to ask, whenever I was about to ask him what’s wrong he stormed away and slammed the door. Not even Anton or Billie could talk to him but they didn’t seem to care.

“Don’t worry, he’s like this most of the time” Anton said carelessly as he stared occupied at the TV screen.

“Yeah don’t worry about little Gee Frankie, you’ll get used to it” Billie patted my shoulder but that didn’t make my worries go away. What if Gerard was mad at me for something? Maybe because I talked to Amanda…Fuck! That’s probably why!

I rushed to Gerard’s door, ignoring the whining from Anton and Billie. I knocked on his door for over 5 minutes until he finally opened the door. His face was paler than I had ever seen it, his hair was sticking out in random places but what troubled me the most were his eyes; they were blank and blood shot.

“What’ya want Frankie?” He blurted out. At first I didn’t know what to say because the tone of his voice caught me off guard, it was as if he didn’t want anything to do with me.

“Erm, can we talk? Please” I pleaded. Gerard grunted, nodding as he opened the door to let me in. I hurried inside before he’d change his mind.

There were clothes lying around everywhere and so were his comic books as well. Gerard threw himself carelessly on the bed and opened some anime comic book and kept silent. I bit my lip and eyed him worried. I wasn’t sure what to do, there were so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to apologize to him for Amanda and tell him that she doesn’t mean anything to me but then that would be a lie because she’s still my friend but saying that would probably just make things worse. But why would they make things worse?

“Gerard…What do I mean to you?” I suddenly said out loud. I was just as much surprised as Gerard by my words. He raised his eyebrow in shock.

“What do you mean Frankie?”

“Erm I …Erm…You…Erm Yeah” I bit my lip nervously. Why the HELL did I just say that? I felt like shooting myself but instead, I sighed and decided to let it all out.

“Okay look, I heard what you said to Anton in front of my door the other day” Gerard’s face turned red but I decided to continue. “And at the mall when my ex girlfriend showed up I noticed you becoming nervous and…well jealous. Well I don’t know why you became jealous Gerard, you don’t own me even though you like me but I’m not sure about you. I am gay yes but…” I sat down next to him, burying my face in my hands. “I don’t know how I feel about you Gee… I mean I like you, you’re so cute and you make my stay here a worthwhile but I just feel it’s too…early for me to fall in love if you know what I mean, I need to find some sanity” When my rant was over I felt Gerard’s hand resting on my shoulder. I dared to look up and saw him smile widely.

“Frankie…Don’t worry” He murmured and just like that, he brought his lips to mine and it felt like all the world’s problems and mine were swept away. My heart raced and butterflies came alive in my stomach. Even though the kiss didn’t last for long but I felt like the world had changed when it ended. I stared at him in shock, I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. How his hazel brown eyes shined, how his pink lips were pulled over his tiny little teeth in a cute smile, it lit up my heart.

“Woah…” Was only I could say. I was speechless which Gerard clearly found hilarious. He couldn’t stop laughing, he even rolled down on the floor and literally started crying.

“What the fuck Gerard?” I stared at him in shock.

“You should’ve seen your face!” He said through laughs. I stood up and walked towards a mirror. I didn’t understood what the fuck he was on about ‘cause I looked normal!

“There’s nothing wrong with my face!” I frowned and sat back on the bed feeling extremely confused. ‘Okay, Gerard kissed me, I liked it and then he laughed at me.. What the fuck is happening?!’ He stood up and sat next to me, still laughing.

“There was nothing wrong with it darling!” He ran his fingers softly down my cheekbone. “You just looked so cute but yet so confused.” He giggled.

“You don’t say, I have no idea how to feel now” I frowned, crossing my arms around my chest.

“Well, when you have figured out how you feel then knock on my door again but if the news are bad then don’t bother” His expression suddenly darkened and the depressed mood increased. It confused me but I knew it was Gerard’s BI-polar syndrome. I just nodded and hurried back into my room without even saying a word to Gerard.

When I walked into my room I hurried to lock the door, just in case Anton or Billie would come barging in. My emotions were swirling all around the place. I had no idea how to feel, my heart was pounding fiercely in my chest but I didn’t know if it was a good thing. But there were butterflies still flying around in my stomach which hadn’t happened since…Amanda. ‘Fuck, what are you getting yourself into Frank?’ I kicked my bed in anger. I knew that falling in love with someone would make me depressed. I know it doesn’t make sense but giving someone my heart like that is always risky. But I decided to worry about my feelings and sanity later because I knew that the more I would think about love the more insane I would get.