Beautiful Insanity

Tomorrow took ages to come. I tried my best to ignore Gerard, I even ate my dinner in my bedroom with the door locked. It was really hard keeping my mind off Gerard since all he did that evening was slamming his door and cry. It was eating me inside out of guilt but...ugh I don‘t even know why I’m ignoring him so completely. I know that some people would just call that mean but…I’m confused alright? You do fucked up shit when you’re confused. Anyways, as I lay in my bed I spent my time reading the first Cirque Du Freak book, which is by the way an awesome book, but finally after a few chapters I fell asleep still ignoring the crying sounds from Gerard’s room.

When I woke up I couldn’t help but feel happy for the first time in a long time, I was finally going to see my Damon! Well he’s not mine…we’re only best friends but…you get it. I jumped out of my bed and literally threw all of my clothes out of the closet, desperate to find something decent and Frankie-like to wear today. I ended up with wearing my favorite black short sleeve shirt with a blood red tie and very skinny black jeans.

When I was happy with my hair and clothes I opened the door I found no one except Gerard. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cereal bowl in front of him, he was clearly still upset since he was just sitting there all alone, staring at the bowl with glassy eyes. I bit my lip nervously and walked towards him, burying my hands in my pockets of shame. ‘Shame? Why shame Frankie?’ Of course I knew why I was ashamed, I was ashamed of my behavior towards Gerard. He didn’t deserve this, not one bit. His only crime was loving me. Is that so horrible? Nope it wasn’t, deep inside I actually enjoyed that a hot guy like Gerard had a crush on me, but I don’t know… I have too many things to think about right now. Like Damon coming over today!

I got a bowl from the shelf and sat in front of Gerard, who shot a very hurtful glance at me. I coughed and poured cereal in the bowl, still biting my lip…trying not to get upset but it was very hard with Gerard just sitting there awfully hurt right in front of me.

“Erm, you see Gee…I’m…erm…eee…I’m so sorry! I’m a totally jackass for ignoring you like I’ve done for the last couple of days!” My eyes were wide from shock, I was not expecting me to say those words and expect them to feel so true. Gerard looked up at me, but now with an angered expression on his face.

“You’re sorry for what Frank?” He said in a very, very cold voice. Oh fuck, he just called me Frank. I buried my face in my hands, trying to find the right words and ignoring the fact he just called me fucking Frank, he must fucking hate me…

“You see Gerard…I’m afraid to have feelings for you…” I said through my teeth, hoping that me and Gerard were totally alone so no one would have to witness this fucking gay scene that was going on at the moment. Gerard’s angry expression was still glued on his face, well I didn’t see it but I could hear it just from what he said next.

“So after our kiss that night, you just decided to call you fucking Boyfriend and tell him to come over today?!” Great, now he was raising his voice. Wait what? He thought that Damon was my boyfriend? Nooo wait a second.

“My boyfriend?” I looked up with that raised eyebrow look. “Damon is not my boyfriend Gerard!” Then everything came rushing back to me. Of course Gerard thought that I called my ‘boyfriend’ the day after our kiss and cried because of it last night. Oh great Frankie, you’re a fucking bitch you know that?

“God I can slap myself Gee…I’m so sorry! He’s just my best friend!” Gerard didn’t look quite convinced. “I swear! You can ask him when he comes today! Okay look, after what happened between you and me I was so confused that I didn’t know who I could talk to, I didn’t even know that I was allowed to phone my friends or family. But when Angie told me that I even could have friends over here for a visit, I freaked! I phoned Damon and told him that he should come here and talk, I just…need someone to talk to, badly…” I looked up at Gee, ready to see him staring there at me with that angry look but instead he looked like he understood.

“D-do you understand?” I mumbled. Gerard nodded with a smile.

“Oh thank god, I’m so sorry Gee! I really hope that you don’t hate me…” I sighed and stood up, walking towards Gerard and caught him completely off guard by wrapping my arms around him, burying my face in his neck…allowing myself to take it all in, his smell, his touch, his warmth…

“It’s okay Frank” He murmured as he ran his hands up and down my back. If I were a cat I would so be purring right now, this was way too comfortable. But that moment didn’t last for long, Angie came rushing into the room and we broke our embrace immediately. We stood there next to each other, quite awkwardly and both expecting Angie to be alone but nope, she wasn’t. There was this very tall slim guy standing there beside her.

“OH MY GOD DAMON!” I shouted and ran towards him. Instead of hugging him, I jumped at him, locking my arms and legs around him like a little monkey. Damon’s hoarse laughter rang in my ears.

“Heya Frankie!” He said laughing, trying to pry me off of him. I couldn’t help but giggle from happiness.

“God you’re here! I just…can’t believe it!” I said in awe, it had been too long since I had seen him but he hadn’t changed a bit. His hair was still as black as the winter night sky and his eyes were still those shivering cold emerald green eyes.

“Yes I’m finally here Frankie!” He said, wrapping his arms around me yet again. “God you’ve lost immense amount weight Frankie…” He gasped as he placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away from him, to get a better look at me. He stared at me with wide eyes, clearly in shock. I looked down at myself, well the skinny shirt and jeans weren’t that skinny anymore I guess. I laughed nervously, trying to ignore that dangerous look that Damon had on, the look that meant that he was ready to kick some fucking ass.

“It’s okay Damon, I just haven’t eaten my breakfast yet!” I laughed, and dragged Damon towards the kitchen table where Gerard was. He eyed Damon with suspicion. But Damon was as polite as ever and hugged Gerard.

“Hey I’m Damon, nice to meet you!” He said warmly, which was very unusual for Damon because he was very ‘off’ or cold towards strangers. I bet he was just trying to make a good first impression on Gerard, which clearly didn’t work because Gerard was still eyeing him.

“I’m Gerard” he kind of whispered, but wasn’t exactly rude since he forced a smile. Damon nodded and turned to me.

“So Frankie boy, show me your room!” I grinned and grabbed his arm, dragging him to my room, dying to tell him all about Gerard.