That Last Little Spark

[Jess]

Bliss. Peace. Exhilaration. Relief. Warmth. Desire. So many adjectives to describe one simple kiss, one very overdue kiss.

And yet, it made me wonder:

What would happen now? Bam had to go back to skateboarding in Pennsylvania, and I couldn't leave my job and my friends. And there was also the fact that Bam didn't want paparazzi and cameras in his face whenever he left his town. New York City was a paparazzi frenzy. Stars and celebrities were everywhere, in the SoHo clubs and apartments, in Times Square, and on Broadway. If we were to have a public relationship, magazines would be all over it. Could we deal with that?

I didn't want to leave the city. And I knew Bam couldn't leave Pennsylvania.

So as much as I would want this...us...to last...

I knew it would be impossible. And that broke my heart.

Because I was finding the happiness I had in junior year. Like all of my struggling had paid off in the most amazing way.

So I had Bam for the rest of tonight, and tomorrow he was supposed to go back to Pennsylvania. All of this would go into making the hardest goodbye I've made since he moved in senior year.

What killed me even more was the fact that I might not see him again for a long time.

Maybe even ever. I hadn't given him my address or my phone number, except for my cell phone number, and I didn't know where he was living.

But I knew I would have to go on living. Struggle through spring, try to have fun through the summer, reminisce in the fall, and try to get through winter without breaking down.