That Last Little Spark

Jess slipped on a blue babydoll dress and clipped her hair up in a messy bun before starting on her makeup. She could always dry her hair before she went back to the city, but right now, she wanted to leave before everyone started waking up. Even April being awake wouldn't be good. She knew that April would go right to Bam, and he would most likely follow her.

Right now, she just needed to be alone. She grabbed her purse and carried a pair of silver flip flops to the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible. Every room she had passed so far was quiet, the doors all closed.

Jess looked at the stairs. She knew they all creaked, so she looked at the railing. It was a possibility until she saw the suit of armor right at the bottom and the serious fall she could take if she slipped off the other side. Heaving a sigh, she began to slink down the stairs, trying to avoid the steps that made the most noise.

At the bottom, she still didn't put her shoes on until she reached the kitchen. She stood at the counter, trying to think of a convincing note to write that wouldn't have anyone calling her frantically or everyone going out to look for her.

Getting stuff for the drive back home and picking up donuts. Call if you want certain kinds! XO, Jess she put the piece of paper down on the empty counter and hoped someone would notice it.

As soon as she was out the door, she put her shoes on and walked to her car, thankful that nobody had blocked her in. The car started quietly and she pulled out of the driveway without a sound.

But as Jess pulled onto the main road, her cell phone started ringing.

"Shit." she swore and dug it out of her bag on the passenger seat. She was afraid she had been caught until she looked at the caller ID. Kelsey.

"Kelsey you scared the shit out of me." she sighed and put the call on speaker.

"Why? I'm surprised you even picked up." Kelsey giggled.

"I got up early this morning." Jess tried to keep her answers average.

"Are you in your car?" Kelsey asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Uh...no?" Jess slipped up.

"Bullshit. I hear an engine. Jess, what are you doing?" Kelsey asked in an amusing tone.

**Jess**
"Alright, alright. I'm going to the cemetery and then I'm going to pick up donuts." I admitted.

"Alone?" she asked.

"He told you, didn't he." it wasn't a question. I could tell by her tone that Bam had told her what happened yesterday.

"I called him last night, since you didn't pick up your phone. I asked him how you guys were and somewhere along the conversation he said that Chase saw you." she sighed.

"I'm not thrilled about it either, Kelsey. I'd rather not see him after what happened. I don't know how the parents and families of those kids haven't done anything to him." I shook my head, although I knew she couldn't see me.

"Do you think it's a good idea to go out alone?" she asked.

"I've got pepper spray. Besides, Kelsey, there's at least four cemeteries in this town. If by some chance Chase ever was out at this hour, he wouldn't know where I am. Shit, he doesn't even know what car I drive." I snorted.

"So what happens when Bam wakes up and you're not there?" she asked.

"He won't know until he goes downstairs. I left a note on the counter." I said.

"If you slept in the same bed?" she added.

"I've been sleeping in the guest room." I rolled my eyes in preparation for what was about to come.

"Oh. I was wondering why Bam was talking so loud. I kept wondering when you were going to wake up and yell at him." she replied absentmindedly.

"You're not going to ask why we slept in different beds? You're slipping, Kelsey." I teased her.

"Yeah, I guess I am. I had to get up so early this morning to go walk my neighbor's damn dog." she yawned.

"So why didn't you go back to bed?" I asked, faintly amused.

"Too much shit to do today. We're all helping Erica with wedding stuff." she said.

"Like what? There's a month left, what can she do?" I asked.

"We're doing the wedding invitations today. I'm meeting the girls in an hour." she yawned again as I pulled into the Oklands cemetery parking lot through the first set of gates.

"Alright, I'm gonna let you go. I'll call you on my way back to Bam's or something and then before I leave today." I promised.

"Be careful." she said before we disconnected. I got out and pulled my purse onto my shoulder, locking the car on my way through the second gate.

The cemetery was quiet, peaceful, and eerie all at once. It was always like this when I came here. It used to be a tradition that aunt Kelly and I came here every Sunday, after church when I was little and then after we woke up when I got older. I could walk to my parent's and sister's graves blindfolded, I knew the way that well. It was harder to come here when I was younger because I didn't understand death that well. I only knew that I would never see my mom, dad, and younger sister again. It was easier, even theraputic, as I got older. When I couldn't rant and rave to Kelsey, I came here, even though I knew nobody here could give me any advice. Being here was comforting. It was like I felt them here.

I was surprised to find that their headstones were all neat, fresh bouquets of flowers lying on the ground before each stone. And the picture in the frame had been changed. Instead of the one from Christmas when I was little, it was of me and Kelsey on graduation day in our red caps and gowns, diplomas in our hands. We were posing for the camera, squeezing each other in a hug and laughing with our eyes closed. In the corner was a smaller picture of me leaning against a cherry blossom tree in my cap and gown.

Aunt Kelly must've been keeping up the tradition.

I stood there in front of the three stones, trying to find the peace and calm I had always felt before when I came here. But for some reason, I just felt dizzy and off balance. So I sat down on a memory bench someone had placed between one section of stones and another. It had to be a new addition because I never remembered it being here.

"For the first time in my life, I can't think of anything to say." I shook my head and stared at the three stones.

"You know, as much as everything's going great for me right now...sometimes I feel alone. I've got a nice apartment, a job that I love and new friends that I love being around. And now I've got Bam and the guys in my life again. But I feel lost and confused. I don't even know what Bam and I are. It doesn't help that we live an entire state away from each other, but I know neither of us can move, or want the other to move in with us. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't move here. Not with Chase out of prison and everything. And I hate what that's doing to me. I promised myself that I would never let him intimidate me or make me feel afraid to be happy." I sighed and trailed off into silence.

"Is Kelsey right? Am I really that afraid to love Bam?" I whispered, thinking about what Kelsey said the night before I left. "You could at least try before you put yourself down and come up with excuses as to why you aren't good enough for him or why it's never going to work."

"My friend Erica's getting married next month. I'm the maid of honor. I actually tried on the dress the finally picked out of four choices. It's beautiful, and I know she'll look like a model in it, no matter how much they say it looked great on me. I haven't been to a wedding in a long time...and I'm not gonna lie...it's making me wonder about my own...someday. Not that Bam and I are engaged or anything...but I keep thinking about when I'm going to get to wear a white dress. The only thing that brings me back is...you guys won't get to be there. And I know every little girl's dream is to have her daddy walk her down the aisle. I miss you guys so much." I let a tear fall from my eye down to my lap.

*

Jess didn't say anything after that. She just stared into the morning, the trees still murky and dark against the slowly rising sun. There was a slight breeze that ruffled her dress against her legs and carried the mist from the pond fountain nearby. The breeze was just strong enough to whisper through the trees and raise tiny goosebumps on her arms. But she didn't feel scared or cold. No matter how sad she was, she would always feel calm while sitting in the presence of these three stones.

Only when her phone ring did she bring herself back to the living, so to speak. And as soon as she looked at the caller ID, she swore, then apologized out loud for swearing in a cemetery.

Bam.