Apology Accepted

October 29th

“You did what?!” Marsha screeched.

I clenched my eyes shut, still trying to avoid thinking about what had happened after I got fired, “I got fired,” I stopped, cutting off Marsha again, “But! I got an application for Jackson’s and there’s this kid there that I’m pretty sure will hire me, seeing as how he gave me the application, besides that I hated working with Brandon. He was horrible to me.”

“Okay Sam,” She muttered, “And where is all this money going to come from? You were making tons of money in tips every night and now you’re just going to go and work at Jackson’s and expect to make enough to pay your car payment? Are you insane?”

“I don’t see why this is such a huge deal!” I cried, my voice raising an octave, “I lost my freaking job! It happens all of the time. I screwed up, okay? I’m sorry!”

She shook her head softly, “Well at least you didn’t start smoking again.”

I bit my lip, nodding vigorously. I had almost made it out alive when Marilyn walked in from the garage. She walked towards us, her lips pursed and her small red pumps clicking against the hardwood floor, her bag hanging from her left arm.

“Sam,” She said, “What the hell are these?” She held up the pack of smokes, only four left, “You started smoking again? I thought we made an agreement?”

“We did.” I paused, “But I lost my job yesterday and Brandon was being horrible and I just.. I couldn’t handle it anymore,” I sobbed, tears falling freely now, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m just really stressed out and.. And.”

“And what?”

I thought of the boy at Jackson’s with the accent and stopped, “Nothing. I’m just tired. I need to go to sleep. I’ll complete my application and turn it tomorrow.”

I looked up at Marsha and gazed over at Marilyn. They were both so disgusted with me. It was ridiculous. I hated myself for losing my job, for not keeping my promise. I ruined their trust in me and I feel like I’m fourteen again.

Marilyn threw the pack of cigarettes on the table and turned around, basically telling me to take my walk of shame upstairs. I grabbed my bag and my application and went up to my room. I threw all my stuff on my bed and walked into the bathroom to get ready to shower when I heard Marilyn and Marsha speaking lowly.

My maturity level dropped a few notches as I sat at the top of the stairs, listening in on their conversation.

“…I know Marsh. But I’m just worried about her. Ever since that boy left, she’s been so upset and distraught.”

“You can’t protect her forever Marilyn. Just because some boy broke her heart doesn’t mean the world is over. She needs to grow up. It’s been almost four months now, this is no way for an eighteen year old girl to be acting. She’s disobeying you.”

“Well I’d rather her be smoking than getting pregnant or getting drunk. At least what she’s doing is legal!” I heard Marilyn spit.

“Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s okay. She needs to get a job and she can’t just be showing up late all the god damn time!”

“You know how much she hated that job. Brandon was nasty to her for no reason and you know it. Always making comments about her being a lost cause, a loser, and having no parents… Would you like to spend all day at school, working your tail off, then getting stuck at a job you hate with someone who hates you, and then have to come home to no one?!” Marilyn shrieked, “That boy was all Sam had. She has no one to talk to, no one to be loved by. How would you like that?”

“She has us.” Marsha said quietly, her weak attempt to attack me once more.

“Marsha,” Marilyn grumbled hitting the table roughly, “Quit trying to make Sam out to be the bad person, okay? She’s hurt and she needs help getting through it. She’s only eighteen and she’s lived her life by herself since she was a little girl.”

“You need to quit protecting Sam.”

“You need to leave Sam alone.”

I heard Marilyn’s chair scrape across the floor and she stood up, her small feet padding towards the stairs. I quickly stood up and threw myself into the bathroom, closing the door swiftly behind me and dropping to the floor.

I didn’t bother turning on the light or the water to disguise my sobs. It was no use. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes, praying that God would leave me alone for tonight. I didn’t want to think about Oliver. I couldn’t think about him anymore.

He’s littered my mind for the last three days like trash that doesn’t get picked up. I keep seeing his face, his grin, every time I turn around, his voice is ringing in my ears and the only reason I continue smoking is because the smell reminds me of him.

I want to forget. I have to forget. I can’t keep going on like this, spending night and day wondering where he is, what he’s doing and it just so happens that once I finally manage to forget about him, I run into someone who is a spitting image of him, and right now he’s my only shot at keeping my car and staying in school. If I don’t apply for a job at Jackson’s, I won’t get anywhere in life.

I pulled myself off the floor, flicked the light on and shed my clothes. I turned on the water to the shower, letting it pour over the walls and I stepped in, closing the curtain. I let the water drip down my back, wetting my hair and washing away my failures. I quickly stepped out of the shower and dried my body off. I picked my dirty clothes off the floor and tossed them in my laundry bin, stopping in the hallway upon hearing Marilyn on the phone.

She wasn’t crying anymore; she sounded excited.

“That would be awesome for Sam,” She grinned, “I really think that she could use something like that. I hope that she will agree to it.”

I shook my head, aware that Marilyn was probably setting me up for another job. I set foot in my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I dropped my towel on the floor and pulled on a pair of sweats and a tank top. I threw my books and my bag on the ground, hitting it with a soft thud. I pulled my blankets towards me and brought my Jackson’s application towards my face, staring at it until it turned blurry.

Tears clouded my eyes as I thought more and more about the boy with the accent. I couldn’t be around him all day and not think about Oli. He would just be screaming it. I couldn’t keep myself from asking him stupid questions, like why he moved here, what the hell was his family thinking, does he know anyone with the last name Sykes?

How stupid would I sound?

I lay back, covering my face with my arms and sighed loudly. I leaned over with one arm and hit my CD player, the CD blasting to life.

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?

I groaned lightly, making a mental note to buy some more CDs. I had one CD and it just so happened to be from you know who.

I removed my arms from my head and brought the application up once more, glancing at it. I decided at that moment that no matter what, I had to grow up and I had to at least try and make this work. I couldn’t just bag the whole idea because my emotions might get in the way.

I needed a job, simple as that. And if applying at Jackson’s was going to hold me up until I was able to find another job, then so be it.

A light rap came at my door, startling me.

“Come in.” I said quietly.

Marilyn stepped in my room, the phone clutched tightly in her hand and a small smile spread across her face. She came and sat down on the side of my bed and pulled the application out of my hand, looking it over.

“I think this will be a better job for you,” She said quietly, “You won’t have to deal with as many people.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, “I won’t be as tempted to spit in anyone’s food.”

She laughed slightly, “I love your sense of humor Sam.”

I grinned, “Well I’m glad.”

“So I was going to ask you… How would you like..” She trailed off, fumbling with the hem of her shirt and looking nervous.

“How would I like what?” I asked softly.

“Never mind.” She said, “But I do have a favor to ask you.”

“And what would that be?”

“Would you mind sitting at home on Halloween and handing out some candy? Marsha wants me to go to some fright bash with her or something and I really don’t care to come home to a house covered in eggs.” She paused, “Unless of course you have plans?”

“Well actually,” I sighed, “I was planning on dressing as a cop and getting smashed on Halloween. Maybe hand cuff myself to a table so I can get caught.. But I guess I could hand out candy instead.”

Marilyn shook her head, her red curls falling softly over her shoulders and her stomach shaking slightly as she said, “Oh Sam. You’re such a smart ass.”

“Sometimes,” I said, “But I think you deserved it.”

“What did I do to you?” She laughed.

“You came in here with something important to tell me and then you chickened out, and now I will never know what you wanted to ask me, unless you actually end up telling me. But, until you do I’m stuck wondering about it and I will never be able to sleep. I’ll be awake for the rest of my years.”

“Oh trust me Sam,” She said, standing up and placing the application on my dresser and turning off my radio, “You’ll find out soon enough. That I promise you.” She leaned over and kissed me softly on the forehead, pulling my blankets up, “Now get some sleep, you have school tomorrow miss.”

I nodded and watched as she left my bedroom, closing my door softly. Tears sprang to my eyes at the though of working to earn money to move away from Marilyn.

She was the only mother I’d ever had. She may not have been in my life for everything, but ever since I was thrown on her front door step, she’s been nothing but motherly towards me.

I love getting talked to before bed, kissed on the face and then tucked in before I sleep. It’s different living with Marilyn and Marsha. Marsha isn’t the motherly type, she’s more of the man in the relationship, (if you catch my drift) and I wish that Marilyn was able to have children of her own.

Children that listened when she asked them not to smoke. Children that showed up to work on time and didn’t get fired.

Children not like me.

I rolled over and faced the wall and realized I needed to change. I needed to become the Sam I was before Oli left. I needed to be that person, if not for me, or Oli, but for Marilyn. She wanted the happy go lucky Sam back, the one that was always smiling.

The one who had something to love and to look forward to.

Regardless of whether or not I had it, I had to act like it.