Apology Accepted

It was late at night and Oliver was sleeping quietly next to me. We'd still hadn't had much conversation about yesterday, but it's not like I could blame Oli. Neither one of us had had much time to talk about it. On our way home from the show, everyone was so psyched about it, Oli and I couldn’t talk, because I didn't want to fight with him after he had just totally killed it at the venue, and I sure as fuck wasn't one for ruining everyone's good mood. Once we got back to Oliver's house, his parents wanted to know everything about the show. They couldn't make it because Ian had a business meeting and Carol had accompanied him to it. As they attacked him with questions, I'd managed to slip away and go get my shower taken care of. I was in Oli's room, getting dressed, I'd only made it to my bra in underwear when I decided I would lay down for only a moment. I ended up closing my eyes and passing out on top of Oliver's covers.

Then this morning, I woke up to a houseful of people. Once I was sure that Oliver's door was closed and I realized the covers had found themselves around my body, instead of under it, and no one had seen me basically naked, I quickly dove out of Oli's bed and being curious, got dressed and popped a piece of gum in my mouth, checking my hair in the mirror, not completely hating it, but not being pleased with it either.

I made it out to the living room, where faces upon faces of Oliver's friends and family were congratulating him on his show and conversing with each other. I then was pulled into his side as he grinned and introduced me, everyone be completely intrigued and commenting on how pretty I was, and how blue my eyes were. I spent all day smiling nervously and shyly saying thank you to everyone, being practically glued to Oli's side. Which just made the entire situation that much more awkward, because we had to be close together all day, Oliver wanted to show me off, but we were still peeved with each other. I kept looking at him and giving him glances, and he gave me looks back. I wanted to pull him aside and talk to him just for a moment, but he seemed to use the fact that his family was over to his advantage and completely ignored the situation.

It was only an hour ago that everyone had finally left and we'd cleaned like mad until Oli was falling asleep all over the place, hardly able to keep his eyes open, much less stand up straight. Carol finally shoved Oliver into bed and he dragged me along with him, not wanting to sleep by himself. And now, he was sleeping soundly, his arms hanging all over me and his cheek pressed against my shoulder, his breath hitting the side of my arm every time he breathed out.

Although, I was wide awake. I wanted to talk to him. But I couldn't, I didn't want to wake him up. I knew he was tired. He'd played the show last night and I know for a fact he didn't sleep well the night before, because he was so nervous. I don't even know what time he managed to get into bed last night. All I know is it was after me and he was awake before me, so I didn't blame him for being exhausted.

I really wanted a cigarette.

I lay in bed next to Oli for another five minutes, arguing with myself, trying to figure out what I wanted to do, when I let my addict get the best of me and I carefully untangled myself from Oli's arms, gripping me like a god damn octopus and walked quietly across the creaky wood floor.

I pushed Oli's curtain to the side, letting the street light spill into the room so that I could see at least a little bit. I located my sweat shirt and pulled it over my head, trading my pajama shorts for the closest pair of jeans, which felt a bit weird on me, but I had to hurry, so I didn't take my notice. I then pulled on my shoes, completely void of socks and grabbed my heavier coat, buttoning it over my sweat shirt. I then quietly dug through my bag, stopping abruptly when I heard Oli groan and shift in the bed. Once I realized he was still sleeping, I finally found the envelope with the bundle of British pounds Marsh and Marilyn somehow got a hold of and nabbed my ID from the inside pocket of my suit case.

As quietly as I possibly could, I left Oli's room and used his back door to get outside, into the freezing weather, where the wind was blowing way too much for my taste. Once I'd closed it, I ran out into the back yard and walked through the gate, finding my way onto the sidewalk. I looked down both sides of the street before deciding to go right, pretty sure I'd seen a gas station towards that direction.

The cold nipped and bit at my face, making me extremely irritated with myself, as I had buttoned my jacket over my sweat shirt hood and couldn't get it out. I refused to unbutton my jacket and button it again, therefore I continued walking with no hood on my head in search for somewhere to buy some cigarettes.

A bit of excitement rose in my throat as I saw a bright green light poking over the top of a house after I'd been walking for a good ten minutes. My pace quickened as I realized that light belonged to the sign of a gas station. I went inside and walked up to the counter, handing over my ID and one of the bills, not sure how much it was worth and asked for a pack of Camels. The clerk looked at me a bit strange, then glanced at my ID, a knowing look arriving on his face. I felt my face go red as he dismissed whatever he was looking at me strangely for, because I was American. He handed me some bills back and pushed my ID towards me with a package of smokes and a book of matches.

I nodded a thank you and grabbed my stuff, shoving it all in my pocket. As I pushed open the door and began walking across the street without watching where I was going, (mainly because I was practically engrossed with getting the wrapper off my smokes) I almost screamed as a black car screeched into the parking lot, slamming on its breaks as it pulled up next to me. My breath caught in my throat as the window unrolled and I looked into the car to see an angry Oliver at the steering wheel. Without any questions, I pulled at the handle and got into the car. He gave me hardly enough time to put my belt on before he took off again. I continued fiddling with the wrapper on my cigarettes, waiting for him to say something. But, I wasn't able to hear his voice until he'd parked the car in his driveway and turned it off, pulling the keys out of the ignition.

"What the 'ell were yeh thinkin'?" He asked sternly.

"I just went to go get some cigarettes, I'm sorry if I woke you." I spoke quietly, hoping I could play dumb and get the easy way out of this. I really didn't want to fight with Oli again, over something so stupid too.

"I could care less yeh woke meh up Sam. Yeh can't just go wanderin' around Sheffield alone! Yeh've never even been 'ere."

"I'm sorry!"

"Look," Oli said, placing a hand on my arm, "I'm sorry fer gettin' upset, but yeh 'ad meh worryin' 'bout yeh. Just got scared."

"It's okay. I'm sorry," I said quickly changing the subject, "Do you want a smoke?"

He looked at me, only a hint of a grin on his face as he nodded. We both got out of the car and made our way into his back yard, sitting on the patio. Once I'd finally managed to rip open the package of Camels and get the book of matches out of my pocket, Oli cleared his throat.

"It's proper cold out 'ere, yeh wanna go in the gazebo?"

"Yeah."

We quickly walked into the gazebo, both of us ready to smoke and we sat down on top of the hot tub cover. I pulled out two cigarettes and passed one over to Oliver, shoving one between my lips and giving Oli the matches. He pulled a match out of the package and struck it, motioning for me to light my cigarette. So I did, and then he lit his. He waved his match around, putting the flame out and stuck it in his pocket, taking a drag of his cigarette and pulling it out of his mouth. He looked down at my legs and made a funny face.

"Sam?" He asked, "Why're yeh wearin' meh pants?"

I laughed slightly, letting the smoke leave my mouth, "Are these your's? I thought they felt weird when I put them on!"

He grinned at me, "Well if yeh weren't in such a 'urry teh get yer smokes."

"I've been good the whole time I've been here!' I argued, "Besides, I'm stressed out."

"Over what?" He asked, inhaling his smoke.

I looked at him, rolling my eyes, "We never talked about last night. And we should have."

"Yeh got in a fight with some bird, it don't matter."

"It doesn't?"

"Well, I mean. I dunno," He shrugged, starting to look what I pinned as nervous, "There were some things I wanted teh ask yeh about, but I don't think yeh're gonna wanna answer 'em."

"So you're just not going to ask me?"

"Do yeh know 'ow stubborn yeh are Sam? I might as well just leave the whole thing alone."

"Ask me."

"No."

"Ask me." I urged again, "I'm not kidding."

He looked at me, seemingly irritated and then let a breath of air out, "Why did yeh freak out on that lass so bad? Yeh should've known that I didn't care. I wasn't kissin' 'er back. Yeh didn't give meh enough time teh defend myself."

"It's not even that I wanted you to defend yourself. I wanted to defend you. That girl fucking pissed me off Oli. She was pissing me off earlier, and then she just goes and kisses you, like it's fucking okay."

"'Ow was she supposed teh know yeh were with meh?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't think that matters. I made my point, and now she'll leave you alone. Why does it matter so much?"

"I just wanted teh know why yeh did it Sam." He said, putting his cigarette out and dropping it on the cement ground that the hot tub was on.

I groaned inwardly, knowing that he wasn't directly asking me, but I really should tell him. He looked over at me, realizing that I had something to tell him, that my reasoning behind beating that girl in her face was different from what I'd just told him.

"Okay. Promise you won't think I sound dumb."

"Promise."

"It's just that, I want you to be mine. And only mine. It's taken me a long fucking time being without you to realize how much I care about you. Now that I'm around you again, it's even more obvious how much you mean to me... And when that girl kissed you, I just felt like I was working so fucking hard for nothing."

"Sam!" Oli said loudly, pulling me against him, "Do yeh really think one drunk, sloppy kiss from some bird is gonna change the way I feel about yeh?"

"I don't know." I mumbled, feeling stupid.

"Well it's not Sammeh," He laughed nervously, pushing hair out of my face, trying to get me to look at him, "Yeh're the most important thing teh meh an' I love yeh."

I sat there, motionless. The only thing my eyes could focus on was the smoke drifting from the cigarette clenched between my shaking fingers. I couldn't even look in Oli's direction. For some reason, even when he was trying to make me feel important, I still felt so inferior to him, like I wasn't fucking good enough for him. And it had nothing to do with how he was. It had everything to do with me, all my stupid insecurities. I wanted to be confident for him, but it just seemed so impossible.

"Sam?" Oli's voice invaded my ears again as he grabbed my cigarette and merely tossed it to the ground, letting it smolder, "Yeh really need teh stop actin' like yeh're not any good. Yeh're one of the most amazin' people I've ever met. I 'ate it when yeh say stuff like that, or yeh do things that make meh think yeh don't believe what 'm sayin'."

"I don't mean to," I defended, "I just don't know Oli. You're the only person who's taken into consideration what I think, what I want, and that just isn't something I've ever been used to, and I'm still not used to it. So I just don't know how to act around it. I'm sorry."

"Well," He grinned, laying back and taking me with him, "Do yeh want meh teh teach yeh?"

"Sure."

"First of all, yeh need teh quit tellin' everyone yeh're sorry, got it?"

"Why?"

"'Cause. Yeh don't need teh be sorry for feelin' the way yeh do. It's yeh're feelin's, and they can feel 'owever the fuck they want. So, don't apologize for what they make yeh do."

"What if I kill someone?"

"Well," He shrugged, "Tell 'em it was a crime of passion."

"Oli!"

"Shit 'appens." He laughed, "Now onto lesson two. Yeh ready?"

"Mhmm." I said cuddling closer to him as he latched a finger in the loop of my jeans. Well, technically his jeans. But I'm wearing them.

"Yeh need teh quit doin' everythin' on yeh're own. For instance, if yeh want some cigarettes, yeh wake meh up and ask meh teh take yeh, alright?"

"Okay."

"And," He said, pulling my hand into his, "Yeh've gotta let meh explain myself before yeh go gettin' all upset."

"I'm sorry-"

"I told yeh not teh say that!" He mused, pinching my nose.

I laughed loudly, rolling over so that I could see his face, "Okay. Won't happen again."

"Good." He said, kissing me softly and playing with my fingers, "So what'd yeh think of the show?"

"I thought you guys were incredible. Do you know how fucking cute you looked up there?"

An embarrassed grin came over his face, "Sam!"

I laughed, looking out the window and talking, "I'm serious! You just looked so... Fucking happy. Like you are supposed to be up there, like there's nothing else you'd rather do. It was amazing. I don't think I've ever seen someone so-"

I was cut off my Oli's mouth crashing against mine, then talking against my lips, "Yeh sure talk a lot."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, kissing him back, "I'll bet I can kiss a lot more than I can talk."

"Are yeh makin' meh a bet?"

"Maybe."

He grinned at me as his hands gripped the hem of my shirt and his lips made a trail down my neck, back up to my mouth. Once he'd managed to pull my shirt up over my head, his hands reached for the button on the jeans I was wearing.

"It's fucked up I've gotta take off two pairs of meh own jeans." He said quietly in my ear.

I balanced myself on my knees and unbuttoned them, working them off myself, "There." I said, placing my hands on the button of his jeans, "Now you don't have to unbutton either pair."

I straddled him, leaning down and kissing him. A shiver ran down my spine as his cold hands reached up and held my sides, pulling me closer to him. His hands found their way to the clasp of my bra, and within minutes, the both of us were completely naked.

It wasn't a lusted for, just-wanting-to-fuck type of thing. It was like we'd both been waiting a long time for this. Oli and I genuinely loved each other. And for once in my life, I felt like I was having sex with someone because I wanted to, because I loved them, not because they wanted to get laid, or I was just trying to get it over with.

I didn't want it to end. It could have lasted for hours and I would have been completely fine with that. Everything's fine when I'm with Oliver.