Apology Accepted

Audri sat on the edge of the plastic airport chair, gripping the arm rest with one hand and holding her other on her stomach, as we waited for Marilyn to come through the airport gate. Oli had my hand in his, holding it harder than he really needed to. But I'm glad he was, because I was honestly on the verge of tears. Everything had been set up for the adoption. The papers were to be signed tomorrow at three in the afternoon. Tonight, Marilyn was going out to dinner to get acquainted with everyone, then she was staying in the guest bedroom at Oli's house. Once we woke up in the morning, she was leaving.

And she was taking me with her.

In a couple months, Audri is going to fly to America, have the baby, and hand it over. After that, it was over. Done.

I almost burst into tears at that thought. I had no idea how much I really loved Oli until I realized I had to leave England. And every step we take to leaving, my stomach ties another knot in itself. I was so scared to go back home, without Oli. I was looking away from him and the airport gate as tears rimmed my eyes, trying to hide them without rubbing my eyes.

Oli bumped into me slightly, "There's Marilyn."

I looked up to see an excited Marilyn practically running towards us with a small bag in her hand and huge smile adorning her face. She embraced me roughly and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to hate her so much, because she was making me leave Oli. She was just another sign that I was leaving Sheffield, but I couldn't. I'd missed her so much.

"Sam! I've missed you!" She grinned, pulling away from me, taking note of my somber expression, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired." I paused, "Where's Marsha?"

"She couldn't come." She said, almost angry, "Where's Audri at? I want to meet her!"

"Don't you want to go get your bag first?"

"I didn't bring one. We're leaving tomorrow. I just stuffed some pajamas and a change of clothes in my carry on."

Another knot in my stomach. I nodded, "Okay. Well she's right over there."

I pointed to Audri, who stood up from her seat, a big sweater almost hiding the fact that she was even pregnant. Marilyn smiled warmly at Oli and embraced him, then turned to Audri. She practically squeezed Audri to death and then began suffocating her with questions over the baby. I was already starting to get irritated.

Not with Marilyn, per say. It wasn't her fault she was excited. I was happy for her. I just hated knowing I had to leave, and she was the only person that I could really take it out on at the moment, and I know that's wrong, but I didn't know what else to do.

We all began walking towards the exit of the air port, looking for Tom. Oli spotted him, sitting on the corner, waiting for us in his yellow VW. Audri wiggled into the backseat, while Oli and I crammed in right along side her. Marilyn got into the front seat and placed her bag in her lap. Tom introduced himself and as soon as the car started moving, so did Marilyn's mouth. It was nice to see her so happy about the baby, but Audri seemed to be the only one who wasn't completely annoyed with Marilyn's constant questioning. I rolled my eyes and laid my head on Oli's shoulder, doing my best to tune everything out.

-------------------------------------------------

We arrived at Oli's house and all of us got out of the car. We made it up to the front door, Tom carefully watching Audri's every step so she didn't fall. I'd noticed he'd become more protective than he was before, after finding out she was pregnant. Once inside, Carol greeted Marilyn and shoved her to the room she'd be staying in for the night. Audri followed them down the hallway. I threw myself on the couch and groaned loudly, covering my face with my hands.

"What's wrong, love?" Oli asked.

"Her!" I hissed, "Did you hear her? The whole fucking way here, Is it a boy or a girl? I'm so excited! Oh, what should we name it? Did you have names picked out? I mean, holy fuck! I wanted to hit her!"

Oli laughed slightly, sitting down next to me, "Aye, it wasn't that bad."

"Are you joking?" I looked at Tom, "Didn't you want to pull the car over and just throw her out?"

Both brothers busted out in a fit of laugher, but I wasn't finding the situation funny. Not at all. It was probably just because I was still upset about leaving tomorrow. I know I should just be happy I got to be here at all, but it all seems so pointless now. I came here for a month and now I'm just going to go home the same way? Sad, upset, and fucked up? I mean, at least Marilyn is getting a baby out of this. What am I getting? Fucking nothing, besides a broken heart.

I mean, yeah. I spent time with Oli, but I'm still going home by myself. And who says we'll even see each other again? I'm sure the both of us would love that, but we have to be realistic here. We can't keep wasting money, flying back and forth to see each other. And how do we even know if we want to be together forever? That would require one of us moving halfway across the world. And are we even that serious about each other? I mean, we're just so fucking young. Yeah, Oli's what I want right now, but would it really be smart of me to give up on school and just stay here? What if we split up? How am I supposed to get home? And what am I going to do once I get there? I'll have to pay for all my classes again, and where am I going to get money for that?

As much as I wanted to stay in Sheffield, it was obvious I needed to go home.

"So what time are yeh lot goin' teh sign papers?" Carol asked, leading Marilyn and Audri back into the living room.

"Three."

"Have you talked to your parents? Are they coming?" Marilyn asked.

"No, they're ain't comin'. They're just glad 'm gettin' rid of the baby."

"You mean, they don't want to know where it's going? Who's going to be taking care of it?"

"No."

"That's too bad, I'm sorry."

"It's quite alright. I don't mind anymore."

Audri and Marilyn finally came into view and stood at the end of the hall way. Ian stepped into the living room from the kitchen and introduced himself. Once they exchanged greetings, everyone had quieted down quite a bit.

Ian, sensing the tension in the air started talking loudly, "Right then! Everyone ready teh go out and eat?"

Everyone murmured in awkward agreement and began talking excitedly, moving towards the front door. Oli stood up from the couch and mindlessly held his hand out towards me. When I didn't take it and get up, he looked down at me, frowning.

"Yeh comin'?"

I shook my head, "I'm not hungry."

"Aye come on," He whispered slightly, reaching for my hand, "We're all goin' out. Yeh don't 'ave teh eat."

"I don't want to." I whispered back, giving him a look.

"Well alright." He sighed, then looked towards everyone, "I guess we're stayin'."

"What? Why?" Carol stopped in the door way, Ian behind her.

"Yeah, come on. We're payin'."

Marilyn poked her head back into the house and looked directly at me, "Sam, aren't you coming?"

"No. I don't feel good."

I felt Oli's stare at me. He knew I was lying. I'd just told him I wasn't hungry and now I wasn't feeling good.

Marilyn nodded slightly, "Okay. We'll see you when we get back. Alright Sam?"

I nodded.

With that, no one else argued. It was one of those conversations between two people where no one else knows what's going on, but that doesn't matter because everyone can just tell that it's not their business.

Oli asked Tom to grab him something to eat and they were out the door. The lock clicked, leaving Oli and alone, the house completely silent. I felt his gaze on me as he shifted from one foot to the other, then shuffled his hair.

"What was that all 'bout?" He asked.

I shrugged lightly, avoiding his eyes.

He leaned down close to me, "Tell meh."

I bit my lip, trying to decide if I should follow through with my original planning or if I should just ignore it and pretend like I just disrupted dinner to sit around with him.

I swallowed, "I just want to spend time with you. Not with everyone else around."

I peeked up at him as his face fell slightly, "I don't want this teh be some sob fest if we stay 'ere Sam."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me, "Neither do I." I whispered softly across his lips, kissing him lightly, "I want to be with you. I want you."

He pulled away and looked at my face, smirking slightly, "Sam. Yeh're leavin' tomorrow. Are yeh sure yeh wanna do this?

I nodded.

"But I just don't feel right," He paused, becoming embarrassed, "'aving sex with yeh, knowin' yeh're leavin'."

"I'm having sex with you and leaving. I'm the one who should feel bad." I paused, "I mean, unless you don't want to?"

"No, I just--"

"Stop thinking about it." I smiled, standing up and pulling his hand into mine and laughing, "Just let it happen."

"Aye, funny Sam."

"Oh come on." I said, practically skipping to his room, and turning around, "You know you want me."

He rolled his eyes playfully and followed me into the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind him, just in case someone had decided to come back and try persuading us to come to dinner. I quickly pulled off my jeans while Oli's hands pulled at the hem of my shirt and tugged it over my head. He'd already taken his shirt off, leaving himself almost naked. I pressed myself against him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him roughly. It was only a matter of seconds before I felt his tongue in my mouth.

He slid his hands down my back and into the top of my underwear, working them off my body. They fell at my feet and I kicked them away, leaving me in only my bra. We stumbled towards the bed where I fell on my back and Oli hovered over me. His eyes met mine for a moment and my heart could have burst right there, it was beating so hard. He quickly worked his boxers off and moved closer to me. He leaned against my body, breathing heavily, like he was scared or nervous. His lips met my neck and I felt his hot breath against my skin, sending goose bumps over it.

I gripped his shoulders and his body pressed completely against mine. We were a mess after that. My bra was tossed to the ground and both of us were moving around so much, it was hard to tell if he were even on the bed. Having sex with Oli was so my different than having sex with anyone else. He was so completely loving. It wasn't like he was just having sex with me because he needed somewhere to put his dick. He was constantly kissing me and telling me he loved me. And I wasn't so insecure, freaking out and wondering if I was doing everything right. Because I knew I was. I could tell by the way Oli returned the favors. And by the time we were done, we were both so tired. I could have fallen asleep right there, thinking that when I woke up, everything was going to be just fine.

But as both of us laid there, panting and still too tired to move, I knew nothing was going to just fine. The realization finally struck me. It'd been poking at me and prodding me all day, but this was a full on, full force, hit. I was fucking leaving. And Oli hadn't said a word, as neither did I. That didn't matter much though, because as soon as Oli's fingers intertwined with mine and he leaned over, putting his head on my stomach, I broke the silence by breaking down into a fit of tears.

Oli quickly sat up, alarmed and looked at me. He pushed hair out of my face, ignoring the fact both of us were still naked. I quickly pulled the covers over my chest and covered my face in my hands, feeling insecure again.

"Love," Oli sighed, "'m sorry. We shouldn't 'ave--"

"No, that's not it." I sobbed.

"What's it then?"

"I don't want to leave. I love you so much and I'm finally realizing I'm not staying here forever," I cried and then looked at him, "I'm fucking scared."

"Don't be scared. Yeh know I love yeh."

"I love you too." I said, hardly above a whisper.

That seemed to close everything up. Either that, or Oli couldn't handle talking about this again. He stood up from the bed and pulled on his boxers, "'m gonna go shower."

"Okay."

That's what scared me the most, is the fact that I loved Oli. I loved him so much and I knew I couldn't keep doing this. I'd miss him and he'd be held back from so many things. I wanted Oli to live his life, to date, and go to parties and fall in love. There was no way I could honestly be the girl for him. If that was the case, something would have occurred by now that was a sign I should stay.

If Oli and I were truly meant to be together, I wouldn't be leaving tomorrow.