Apology Accepted

I crammed just one last pair of jeans in my suitcase and sat on it, pulling the zippers close to the sides. I jumped off of it and looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was a huge mess, my clothes were rumpled, and my jeans were covered in paint smears from an art class I took with Marilyn a month or so ago.

I looked at my hair, which was pulled into the messiest bun possible. I had no make up on, and I had yet to brush my teeth today. It was almost five o’clock and I had until seven to be on the plane to Sheffield. Where I was to get off, go meet Matt and stay at his house until Oli’s birthday party the next day.

I was Oli’s surprise present. Oh joy.

My stomach twisted against itself again for the hundredth time that day and once again, I felt sick. My head felt heavy, my eyes closed, and I was instantly dizzy. Leaning all to one side, I held onto the post of my bed and gripped my forehead, trying my best to keep my composure. I let out a soft sigh and heard my door creak open.

The soft smell of flowers invaded my nose as Marilyn inched closer to me. I found it funny how I was so much closer with Marilyn than I was with Marsha, when Marilyn was so careful to keep to herself and Marsha was more of the open one, always trying to start a conversation.

I heard a small sniffle come from Marilyn’s direction and I opened my eyes, lifted my head and looked over at her.

“Mar?” I said, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to miss you Sam. I want you to know that I’m really proud of you,” She smiled through tears, “I know you’re terrified to do this and I know that there are a lot of things that you don’t trust yourself to do, or Oliver for that matter. And the fact that you have absolutely no idea what’s in store for you in Sheffield, and you’re still willing to go, that just blows my mind. You’re a strong girl, you know that?”

I reached out and pulled Marilyn close to me, hugging her tightly, “I’m not as strong as I’d like to be, but I’m glad that I can make you proud.”

“You do Sam.” She said, looking up at me, “You’re one of the strongest people I’ve met. You haven’t given up just yet. You’ve tried, but you won’t let yourself forget Oliver. And I admire you for that. You love him, you realize that, don’t you?”

I laughed slightly, “I think I just started to.”

“Well,” She mumbled, pulling away from me and wiping her eyes, “Why don’t you go shower up and we’ll go out to dinner, then we’ll drop you off at the airport, alright?”

“Okay.”

She walked out of my room and I bit my lip, trying to keep myself from losing composure again. I walked into the bathroom and stripped myself of my clothing. I stepped into the shower and twisted the knob, the water hit me quickly, shocking me back into my body and I remembered something.

I was supposed to go out on a date with Jeremy tonight.

“Shit.” I muttered, as I finished washing myself. I stepped out of the shower and stumbled into my bedroom. Just as I dropped my towel to the floor and pulled on a pair of underwear, the doorbell rang throughout the house.

I pulled a sweat shirt on and a pair of jeans and bounded down the stairs. Marsha was at the door. She turned around and grinned at me.

“I’d like to know what you’re going to do with this new British boy. What? Do you just go for kids with accents?”

I laughed softly and went to the door, watching as Jeremy’s expression fell as he saw how I was dressed.

“Um,” I lied quietly, “I’m really sorry. A random trip just came up and I have to go all the way out to Sheffield. I wish I would’ve known sooner. I would have told you.”

“Sheffield?” He asked, swinging his keys around, “England?”

“Yeah.”

“What the ‘ell are yeh goin’ there for?”

“I’m not exactly sure just yet.” I said, content with telling half of the truth.

“Oh.” He paused, “Well I guess I’ll just ‘ave teh take a rain check on that date, huh?”

I grinned apologetically, “Yeah.”

“An’ I won’t be seein’ yeh at work either, huh?”

“No,” I said, “I don’t think so.”

“While yer in Sheffield,” He smiled, “Find meh some signatures from Bring Me The ‘orizon, will yeh?”

I laughed softly, “I’ll try my hardest.”

“Well, I guess I’ll see you when you get back.” He smirked, “If yeh come back.”

I nodded and closed the door behind me.

If yeh come back. Jeremy’s words hung above me like a cloud heavy with rain. What if I didn’t come back? What if by some freak accident the plane crashed and this was my last chance to tell Marsha and Marilyn thanks for taking me in? What if that was the last time I was going to see Jeremy and I still failed to tell him how much he reminded me of Oli?

What if I never got to see Oliver, to tell him that I really did love him and that I was sorry for not following him in the first place?

What if-

“Sam?” Marsha’s voice shouted loudly, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“Go get dressed, so we can leave. Come on, come on.”

I nodded and made my way up the stairs quickly. I shuffled through my closet for at least half an hour before I was able to finally find something that I thought would be okay to show up in Sheffield wearing. I didn’t want to wear a dress, because it would be uncomfortable on a plane. I didn’t want to wear sweats, because I would seem too laid back.

So, I settled on a pair of black jeans paired with a light blue shirt accompanied by a yellow lighting streak and three white clouds. I then grabbed a rather heavy jacket from one of my coat hangers and wrapped it around my shoulders. I laced up my sneakers and pulled my suitcase off my bed. I listened as the plastic clashed with the hardwood floor in my bedroom and I took another look around.

I’ll admit, I was terrified to show up at Oliver’s house, uninvited. I’d talked to Matt about it and he assured me that nothing too horrible would happen. The worst thing that could happen he said, was that Oli would already be sloshed, in which case he may react even more surprised than he would if he was sober.

I asked Matt, what happens if no one wants me there? He said I could stay at his place until he knocked some sense into them. Which, hopefully wouldn’t take too long, he added nonchalantly.

I just wanted everything to go as planned. I show up, Oli remembers me, takes me under his wing, and things would just go back to normal. But, I knew that wouldn’t happen. Oliver would most likely have already forgotten me; and if he hadn’t, he sure as hell wouldn’t be happy to see me. I’d be messing with his constant partying, from what Matt had told me. He’d want me gone, and I’ll have wasted not only a couple of days, but also about 1,500 more dollars, plus my ticket back. His family would hate me, and Matt would be my only hope.

Then, he’d realize how hopelessly in love I am with Oliver, get annoyed with how immature I’ve been acting, and how horribly I’ve treated Oliver. Then he’d want me out too, which would ultimately leave me with no one. I would be alone in a country I’d never been in before, with no one I know, and the only people that I do know would completely hate my guts.

This whole entire endeavor was about to be a huge disaster.

I sighed loudly and opened my bedroom door, making my way downstairs. I met Marsha and Marilyn in the living room. They were talking quietly, excitedly and they turned around with huge grins on their faces.

“What?” I whined, dropping my bag on the ground as I began to ramble, “Am I dressed too laid back? Cause I was going to wear a dress, but then I figured I wouldn’t be able to sleep on the plane, so then I just wore jeans. But I’m afraid they’re going to rip and…”

“Sammy,” Marsha laughed, silencing me and coming to my rescue, “Just calm down. I’m sure everything will be just fine. What you’re wearing is perfect and I really don’t think your jeans are going to rip. We just found something that we wanted to give you, and that’s why we were smiling so much. But you can’t open it until your at the airport, okay?”

I nodded, coming to my senses, “Okay.”

“We don’t have enough time for dinner; since you took so long to get dressed, so we’re just going to take you to the airport, alright?”

I nodded.

The three of us piled into Marilyn’s car, after I wrestled my bag into the trunk and she started the car, heading towards the airport. Both of them chattered mindlessly while I busied myself by looking out the window. Houses flashed by, people looked at our car zooming down the road, there were parents and their children tearing down Halloween decorations, and despite how pretty it was beginning to look because it was Fall, I couldn’t get the sinking feeling out of my stomach.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Oliver. I tried reading the back of the movie case laying in the seat next to me, I tried thinking about how rude it was to just completely ditch Jeremy, I tried thinking about whether or not I was to have a job when I got back home, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t get my mind off of Oli. I wondered if he’d changed at all. I was scared to see the new version of him, ‘always pissed’ as Matt had put it.

----------

We pulled up to the airport and I opened my door. Both Marsha and Marilyn had already made their way out of the car by the time I pulled my suitcase out of the trunk and closed it. Marsha held an envelope in her hands. I walked over to them, placed my suitcase on the ground and hugged them both tightly, tears leaking from my eyes. I released the two of them and stepped back. I took the envelope from Marsha and stuck it in my pocket, pulling the handle up to my suitcase. Marilyn then handed me my ticket and pressed it into my palm.

“Bye guys.” I said quietly.

“Bye Sam.” Marsha said.

“Call us when you get there.”

I nodded solemnly and dragged myself towards the entrance, tears now pouring freely from my eyes and I gripped my suitcase handle in my hand roughly, scared to lose it. I looked down at my plane ticket, the gate number displayed at the top corner. I found my gate without much trouble and sat down in one of the chairs. I then fingered the edge of the envelope in my front pocket and pulled it out.

I unfolded the ratty old envelope, with the airplane on it and pulled out a ticket. To Sheffield, from three months ago. Unused. I then pulled out a bundle of money, adding up to about 300 dollars, a note from Marilyn and Marsha telling me to have a great time.

And then there was that little tiny piece of paper. With the one sentence on it. I pulled it out and unraveled it, the so familiar hand writing danced on the page and read;

Quit running from things; you’ll be so much happier if you chase after them.

Love, Oli.

“Flight three hundred sixty two, to Sheffield England. Flight three hundred sixty two, now boarding.”

For once today, my stomach settled as I pocketed the envelope and made my way towards the gate entrance.

“I’m chasing you Oli.” I said softly.