Apology Accepted

I woke up with my usual cloudy sense of direction and accompanying headache. I rolled over in my bed and realized I was sleeping alone. I must have been way too drunk last night.

You see, there are three stages to me being drunk. The first stage is not very drunk, in which I’m not drunk enough to find some random girl with no name to crawl into bed with me, without her clothes. The second stage is when I’m perfectly drunk. I don’t care who follows me to bed as long as they have a twat, and I am not too hammered to the point where I can’t maneuver myself. Third, is where I’m too sloshed to do anything. I make my way to bed, either forgetting to drag someone with me, or I make it to bed with someone, and pass out because I’m too drunk to do anything but lay there and wait for my stomach to turn inside out.

Judging by the size of my hangover, I’m guessing I was at a stage three last night.

I pulled myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom for a shower. Once I had shed my clothes and let the water warm up, I stepped into the shower and closed the curtain. No sooner had I done this, I heard the door creak open and Tom slowly made his way across the floor, sitting down on the cold tile.

“Why do yeh always get teh the shower first?” He groaned.

“’Cause I wake up first?” I retorted, annoyed he was even in the bathroom in the first place.

“So, what’re we doin’ today?”

“I dunno. I was thinkin’ maybe doin’ a little jammin’ with Matt.” I said, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower. I pulled a towel off the ground and quickly covered myself with it, snickering as Tom lifted a hand to cover his blue eyes, “What do yeh think about that?”

“’Ave yeh gone mad?!”

I looked down at my younger brother and scoffed, “What, ‘ave yeh got a better plan?”

“Yeah, ‘ow about scoopin’ up dog shit with meh bare ‘ands!?” He yelled, standing up, “’Ave yeh forgotten ‘bout last night already?”

“Well, I guess so..” I paused, wiping my hair dry, “Yeh want teh refresh meh memory?”

“Actually, I do. Do yeh recall Matt bringin’ that American bird Sam over ‘ere last night and then getting her teh tell yeh she was yeh’re birthday present?”

Suddenly, the cloudiness disappeared and was replaced by Sam’s hurt face, tears running from her eyes, the ones that just happened to be so similar to Tom’s as she held onto my forearm, trying to keep me in place. Her American accent shaking as she said, “Oli! Listen to me,” She cried, “You’re drunk. You’re completely smashed. Listen. I know I should have followed, but I was so scared. So fucking scared.”

And it all came back to me at that moment. The way I’d told her to get out and how I’d felt no remorse. I’d only felt accomplished, cool, suave to have embarrassed Sam in front of so many people and make her feel rejected, just the way she’d made me feel. Then, after she’d left, my party continued, as if nothing had happened. Everyone went back to what they’d been doing.

And so did I. Just like Sam didn’t matter. I remember Matt not saying a word to me, only pushing the alcohol from the table and watching as it landed on the carpet with a rough thud. He looked at me, with nothing but disappointment in his eyes, and I lifted my cup to my lips, letting the alcohol tear holes in my throat. I watched as he walked towards the door, not looking towards me again, and he twisted the knob to it, leaving through the door and following Sam.

And now I know why I’m so hung over, and why there is absolutely no mercy for me, because I drank to forget. Just as I had been for the last three months. I drank a lot to forget a lot. And I did forget it. I completely forgot about Sam and the fact that she had feelings, probably much similar to mine, feeling the feeling of someone being hurt and embarrassed.

I didn’t care one bit at that moment. And now I have to find some way to fix it.

“Move yer arse.” I mumbled, shoving past Tom and towards my bed room.

I didn’t bother closing my door, because I knew Tom would follow me and find his way into the room, regardless if the door was closed or not. I stumbled towards my closet and pulled on a pair of boxers.

“Yeh aren’t goin’ teh Matt’s.” Tom spit from the doorway, his voice sounded horrid and venomous, angry.

“The ‘ell I ain’t Tom.” I retorted, finding my way into a pair of jeans.

“Are yeh retarded?” I heard Tom say as I pulled a t shirt on, “That gal was off her trolleh!”

“Well,” I said, pulling on my shoes, “Then I guess the two of yeh may get along better than I thought, seein’ as ‘ow yeh’re off yer trolleh as well, thinkin’ yeh can tell me what I can an’ can’t do.”

“Piss off! Are yeh tellin’meh yeh’re gonna run over there with yer dick between yer legs and apologize to ‘er fer havin’ a good time without ‘er?”

I grabbed my keys and picked up my phone, still ignoring Tom’s protests as I said, “Tom, what yeh don’t realize is I’ve been ‘aving a ‘orrid time without Sam. That’s why I’ve been drinkin’ an’ ‘m sick of bein’ like this. I ‘ate myself.”

“There’s somethin’ wrong with yeh Olleh!” Tom’s voice yelled as I walked down the hallway, “Yeh don’t know what the ‘ell yer talkin’ about!”

He’s right. I don’t know what I’m talking about. The only thing I knew was I needed to get to Matt’s before Sam went home, back to the States, where I wouldn’t be able to follow her.

I looked down at my phone, blinking with several unread texts, and one voicemail, which was undoubtedly from Matt. He’s the only person who ever had enough balls to confront me directly. Besides that, he was a slow texter.

I pressed my ear close to the phone only to be greeted by Matt’s angry voice.

“Yeh just don’t get it, do yeh Olleh? When are yeh gonna grow up and realize yeh’re not the only person that’s in love with yeh? Sam was literally sick, ‘cause she was so terrified teh talk teh yeh an’ yeh totally blew ‘er off! Yeh’re killin’ this bird yeh fuckin’ arse!” He paused and I heard his breath slow down as he tried to compose himself, “Alrigh’ ‘m sorry fer callin’ yeh an’ bein’ all angry. But, ‘onestly, Ol. Yeh need teh quit tryin’ teh be cool fer Tom and learn how teh treat people, yeh twit.”

I quickly unlocked my car and got inside, I started it and swiftly pulled out of my driveway, heading off in the direction of Matt’s flat.

I arrived a mere five minutes later and parked my car in the stall next to Matt’s, not caring how much of a fine I got for being in someone else’s parking spot. When dealing with Sam, you had to act fast. I was lucky if she was even still in the region of Sheffield, much less inside Matt’s apartment. I quickly made my way up Matt’s concrete stairs, doing my best not to slip on the ice, and succeeding.

I finally reached the door after what seemed like hours of climbing the stairs and I realized I couldn’t bring myself to knock on the door. I was horrified and trembling with fear. I lifted my hand up and placed it on the door knob, twisting it slightly, knowing Matt’s door would be unlocked, like it always has been. I stopped in a cold sweat when I suddenly heard footsteps inside the flat.

I listened closely, hearing Sam crying lightly and I suddenly felt like I could die. I rapped lightly on the door, letting go of the knob and I heard Matt come close the door, barely cracking it open.

“What the ‘ell are yeh doin’ ‘ere Olleh?” He snarled, holding the door barely open, keeping his voice from traveling into the living room.

“I came teh talk teh Sam. I want teh tell ‘er ‘m sorry.”

I could hear her still crying. It had ceased lightly, as she was curious to who was at the door, and I felt a small smile come to my face, remembering her always being so curious and wanting to know everything about anything.

“Are yeh gonna treat her the way she deserves teh be treated, or are yeh gonna be a twit?”

“I was sloshed last night Matt. I know what ‘m sayin’ now, an’ yeh know meh better than anyone else, if I didn’t come ‘ere teh apologize, I wouldn’t ‘ave gotten meh arse outta bed an’ taken a shower.”

Matt nodded softly and removed his head from the door, taking a glance at Sam, “’Ey Sam?”

“Yeah?” I heard her answer.

Her voice made my heart jump and I felt my face grow red, my hands shook with anticipation and my body trembled with excitement as I realized that she was a mere fifty feet away from me.

“Matt,” I hissed, “Don’t tell ‘er ‘m ‘ere. She’ll freak out. Just let meh go in there.”

He looked at me warily and rubbed his face, “Alrigh’, but if I ‘ear yeh’re givin’ ‘er anymore issues, I will kick yer arse.”

“I won’t.” I mumbled.

Matt opened the door further for me to step through and my heart stopped as I looked at his couch, where Sam sat. Her hair was short, chopped off to the length of her shoulders, and it was dyed black. Jet black. She had her head bowed in her lap, and her hands covering her face, crying quietly. I don’t think she even realized I was in the room.

I started moving across the floor, my legs stiff. I had trouble moving my right leg over my left leg and getting my knees to bend. I was pretty sure they were going to crack in half and I was going to buckle and fall on my face, melting into a puddle on Matt’s floor while Sam and Matt watched and laughed, happy all their troubles were finally gone.

But, I felt the warmth come back to my legs as I turned to look at Matt and he simply smiled reassuringly at me. I made it across the floor and knelt down in front of Sam. I wrapped my hands around her forearms and pulled them away from her face. She opened her big blue eyes and looked at me. I watched as she scanned my face, checking for any differences. She then touched my face softly with her small hands, as if to make sure I was real.

Then I watched as a sad smile came to her face and her eyes crinkled up, tears spilling easily from them now.

“’M so fuckin’ sorry.” I said quietly.

Her breathing became rough again and I could hear the edge of sadness in her voice as she pulled my hands away from her and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling my forehead against her’s. I placed both my hands on either side of her on the couch and leaned against her on my knees.

“I won’t do that teh yeh ever again, okay Sammeh?” I asked, rubbing her back, “Yeh didn’t deserve it. An’ I love yeh. ’M so sorry.”

She didn’t reply, only continued to let her tears fall, and I felt her arms tighten around my shoulders. She wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

“Sammeh, please tell meh yeh ain’t mad.” I said quietly.

She remained silent, still crying, just holding onto me as long as she could without hurting me. She was so scared to see me and so scared to think I was actually here, she couldn’t bring herself to look directly at me.

“Sam.” I urged.

She pulled away and looked at me, then at Matt, who nodded at her. Her gaze was then averted back to mine and I saw her staring at my face again, taking in all of me.

“I missed you so much Oliver.” She whispered.