Can I Love Someone Older?
The First Dreaded Session...
After my complete breakdown, I shut down for the day. People walked in and out of the room, and talked, while I just nodded, and listened. My mother and father came in, maybe once or twice, but otherwise, they stayed far away, (not like they would want to stay near me anyway). Nothing really happened for the rest of the day, Brendan didn’t come back, and that was what really had me down, but I got over it, he has a life and...Well I don’t really but you get the picture. I didn’t sleep, so it was another all nighter, and I didn’t eat, so the doctors were mad, and got annoyed with me, not like I care, it was rather disgusting, having people trying to shove indigestible food into your mouth, it was the worst part of the day, minus the ‘you need therapy’ speech.
I looked out the window, watching the moon disappear, and the stars darken, as the sun raised, its bright lighted head. I turned my head away from the light; it hurt my tired dead eyes. I blink and turn, towards the door, and stand, no longer wanting to stay in this bed; it was really uncomfortable. I stand on unsteady legs, and stumble as I slowly take my first few steps. I soon get my legs back in order and I’m walking normally again, not unsteadiness. I slowly make it to the door, and the person I had been dreading, to see again shows their angelic face. I didn’t want to see Brendan, especially after, seeing Mia, but some other part of me, (which just so happened to be most of me), wanted to see him.
I look up at him, and smile, as he smiles in return. “Hello Brendan, how are you?” I try to avoid all eye contact, but It didn’t really work, as I was already, trapped in his eyes. “Good to see that you’re up and moving again Sarah and I’m good thank you and yourself” I smile slightly wider, and say back “I’m fine thank you”, though the whole time I was faking it. Brendan studies me, but soon smiles and places a hand on my shoulder, “good to hear” I smile one last time, then look past him as I see, another person I’ve dreaded seeing, the therapist.
He waved and I automatically ducked, using Brendan’s height as I shield. I saw Brendan smile and turn to look behind himself curiously. “Hello Brendan, how are you?” I hear the doctor say, and my eyes widened, and I stand at my full eight and look at Brendan, as he replies “Hello Fred, nice to see you again, and I’m fine, yourself?” I step back, and fall onto my ass. “Ouch, damn floor, when did you move?” I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but as soon as I heard Brendan, and Doctor Fred laugh, I glared at them, hard. “And what are you to knuckleheads’ laughing at?” they both stopped laughing, and I could see hurt flicker through Brendan’s eyes, I felt sorry and I was about to apologize, when Fred started talking.
“Well, Sarah, it’s time for your first therapy session” my eyes widened, and I got up and tried to run through both Brendan and Fred, only to be stopped, when Brendan and Fred, grabbed my arms and stopped me. “You can’t run away this time Sarah, or you won’t be able to leave” I stopped struggling and looked at Fred, wide eyed, and terrified. “You...you mean...I can’t go...as in leave the hospital?” my voice sounded so small and fragile, I was scared I would break, not just my voice, but my entire being. I started shaking, and I soon felt Brendan wrap his arms around me. “Don’t worry, nothing will happen, and Fred said, I could come to” I moved my head and looked at him, my eyes focused, but not focused, one minute I was looking at his eyes, the next his lips. I was tempted, but I didn’t and I couldn’t.
“What...what do you...you mean you can come” my eyes were moving between Fred and Brendan, flickering curiously, waiting for an answer. “Brendan is working here, at the hospital for a while, and since he knew you, I thought you’d like someone there, when you went in” my eyes widened again, but soon calmed when I heard Brendan talking; for some reason, his voice always calmed me down. “Fred, don’t make it sound like surgery, you’ll scare her” I looked at Brendan, tempted to kiss him, but I looked down, blushing and wide eyed as the thoughts got worse and worse.
“Alright, alright, but it’s time we went back into your room Sarah, it’s time to start” I nodded, and walked into the room reluctantly, and sat on the bed, my head still down, and eyes down casted. “Brendan, you can either stand, or sit next to Sarah” I hear Fred say, and I blush as I feel the bed sink slightly as Brendan sits beside me. “Let’s start, shall we” I nod my head again, and look up “ok” I really didn’t want to do this, but I wanted to get out of the hospital; I hated it here. “Ok, so Sarah, how have you been since I last talked to you?” I think for a minute, and soon my eyes go back to their original, dark colours, and I look at my hands on my lap. “Nothing new” my voice wasn’t fragile anymore, but back to its emotion and hollowness, I didn’t want to give myself away, I really didn’t want Fred to know about me, there was too much to tell, with too many secrets attached.
“Oh, and what exactly is ‘nothing new’?” I clenched my fists, until my knuckles turned white, and try calm myself, I didn’t want to lash out, I needed to get out, so I had to tell him. “Like I said nothing new, all I did was look out the window, sleep and eat” I was happy with my lie, and I smiled a fake smile, the one that nobody could see through, but it fell soon after it was put into place. “Oh, really, the nurses were telling me earlier that you didn’t eat all day, and when they came to check on you last night, you were still awake, why was that?” I growled and I felt ready to jump and attack, but Brendan grabbed my arm, and I stopped growling, and calmed myself. “I didn’t eat, because I didn’t feel like eating and I didn’t sleep, because I find no reason, in sleeping when you can’t sleep” I was happy with my answer, and I think Fred was to, because he nodded at Brendan and he let me go. “Ok, that you Sarah, Brendan, I shall leave the rest up to you” Fred stood, and walked out with one last smile in my direction.
All of a sudden I felt very conscious of myself, and Brendan in the room...alone, and I really didn’t like the idea of ‘the rest’, I just wanted to get out, nothing more nothing less, end of conversation, but for some reason, I felt like my day, was about to get a whole lot worse.
I looked out the window, watching the moon disappear, and the stars darken, as the sun raised, its bright lighted head. I turned my head away from the light; it hurt my tired dead eyes. I blink and turn, towards the door, and stand, no longer wanting to stay in this bed; it was really uncomfortable. I stand on unsteady legs, and stumble as I slowly take my first few steps. I soon get my legs back in order and I’m walking normally again, not unsteadiness. I slowly make it to the door, and the person I had been dreading, to see again shows their angelic face. I didn’t want to see Brendan, especially after, seeing Mia, but some other part of me, (which just so happened to be most of me), wanted to see him.
I look up at him, and smile, as he smiles in return. “Hello Brendan, how are you?” I try to avoid all eye contact, but It didn’t really work, as I was already, trapped in his eyes. “Good to see that you’re up and moving again Sarah and I’m good thank you and yourself” I smile slightly wider, and say back “I’m fine thank you”, though the whole time I was faking it. Brendan studies me, but soon smiles and places a hand on my shoulder, “good to hear” I smile one last time, then look past him as I see, another person I’ve dreaded seeing, the therapist.
He waved and I automatically ducked, using Brendan’s height as I shield. I saw Brendan smile and turn to look behind himself curiously. “Hello Brendan, how are you?” I hear the doctor say, and my eyes widened, and I stand at my full eight and look at Brendan, as he replies “Hello Fred, nice to see you again, and I’m fine, yourself?” I step back, and fall onto my ass. “Ouch, damn floor, when did you move?” I didn’t mean to say it out loud, but as soon as I heard Brendan, and Doctor Fred laugh, I glared at them, hard. “And what are you to knuckleheads’ laughing at?” they both stopped laughing, and I could see hurt flicker through Brendan’s eyes, I felt sorry and I was about to apologize, when Fred started talking.
“Well, Sarah, it’s time for your first therapy session” my eyes widened, and I got up and tried to run through both Brendan and Fred, only to be stopped, when Brendan and Fred, grabbed my arms and stopped me. “You can’t run away this time Sarah, or you won’t be able to leave” I stopped struggling and looked at Fred, wide eyed, and terrified. “You...you mean...I can’t go...as in leave the hospital?” my voice sounded so small and fragile, I was scared I would break, not just my voice, but my entire being. I started shaking, and I soon felt Brendan wrap his arms around me. “Don’t worry, nothing will happen, and Fred said, I could come to” I moved my head and looked at him, my eyes focused, but not focused, one minute I was looking at his eyes, the next his lips. I was tempted, but I didn’t and I couldn’t.
“What...what do you...you mean you can come” my eyes were moving between Fred and Brendan, flickering curiously, waiting for an answer. “Brendan is working here, at the hospital for a while, and since he knew you, I thought you’d like someone there, when you went in” my eyes widened again, but soon calmed when I heard Brendan talking; for some reason, his voice always calmed me down. “Fred, don’t make it sound like surgery, you’ll scare her” I looked at Brendan, tempted to kiss him, but I looked down, blushing and wide eyed as the thoughts got worse and worse.
“Alright, alright, but it’s time we went back into your room Sarah, it’s time to start” I nodded, and walked into the room reluctantly, and sat on the bed, my head still down, and eyes down casted. “Brendan, you can either stand, or sit next to Sarah” I hear Fred say, and I blush as I feel the bed sink slightly as Brendan sits beside me. “Let’s start, shall we” I nod my head again, and look up “ok” I really didn’t want to do this, but I wanted to get out of the hospital; I hated it here. “Ok, so Sarah, how have you been since I last talked to you?” I think for a minute, and soon my eyes go back to their original, dark colours, and I look at my hands on my lap. “Nothing new” my voice wasn’t fragile anymore, but back to its emotion and hollowness, I didn’t want to give myself away, I really didn’t want Fred to know about me, there was too much to tell, with too many secrets attached.
“Oh, and what exactly is ‘nothing new’?” I clenched my fists, until my knuckles turned white, and try calm myself, I didn’t want to lash out, I needed to get out, so I had to tell him. “Like I said nothing new, all I did was look out the window, sleep and eat” I was happy with my lie, and I smiled a fake smile, the one that nobody could see through, but it fell soon after it was put into place. “Oh, really, the nurses were telling me earlier that you didn’t eat all day, and when they came to check on you last night, you were still awake, why was that?” I growled and I felt ready to jump and attack, but Brendan grabbed my arm, and I stopped growling, and calmed myself. “I didn’t eat, because I didn’t feel like eating and I didn’t sleep, because I find no reason, in sleeping when you can’t sleep” I was happy with my answer, and I think Fred was to, because he nodded at Brendan and he let me go. “Ok, that you Sarah, Brendan, I shall leave the rest up to you” Fred stood, and walked out with one last smile in my direction.
All of a sudden I felt very conscious of myself, and Brendan in the room...alone, and I really didn’t like the idea of ‘the rest’, I just wanted to get out, nothing more nothing less, end of conversation, but for some reason, I felt like my day, was about to get a whole lot worse.