To Remember Me Is to Remember Us

She sat across from the doctor by the span of his very large oak desk. She didn’t know what to say and she just looked at her hands that were folded into her lap. She looked at the contrasting color of her smooth brown against the white of her peasant cotton skirt.

“Mena is there something you want to say,” the man asked.

“No Dr. Charles. I’m just thinking,” she answered.

“Thinking of what,” he asked as he looked at her as he wrote every now in then on a piece of paper that was in front of him.

“Of why I can’t remember anything, but this low voice, a picture of a vivid flower and bleeding skull, and these eyes so green like Zayah’s,” she said.

“Wouldn’t you think that the eyes could be Zayah’s,” Dr. Charles asked.

“No, they’re not his. Zayah’s got his eyes. I think they’re his father’s eyes,” she said as she looked up from her hands and finally into the man in front of her, “Do you think I’ll ever get my memory back,” she asked as he looked at him.

“Of course,” he answered immediately.

At his answer her baby brown eyes filled with tears and she slightly shook her head, “No you don’t,” she replied, “I feel like there is a big part of me missing and the only way I can get that back is if I meet the person that has those eyes,” she finished. She took a few calming breaths before she stood, “I should go,” she said.

“But our time is not up,” he reminded her.

“I know, but I am starting to get a headache and I need to go home,’ she told the doctor.

“I understand.”

She nodded her head and left, not looking back at him even when she knew he was staring at her. As she walked out the doors she knew one thing for sure that the only thing that matter was her little boy. So she took a deep breath and continued leaving the building until she reached her car. She had to meet her sister and mother at the mall since they took her son on another shopping trip which he didn’t need. He already had enough clothes to last him for years, but they didn’t care.

As she got into her black four door sedan and started it she couldn’t help, but to wonder if the therapy sessions were working. After almost two years of going to see some one she still couldn’t remember anything after her high school years. At first being around her family did bring back some memories, but not all and that’s what was making her ache so much. Why couldn’t she remember those years? They had to be some where because that is where Zayah came from. That was where his father was locked up in some space in her mind that she couldn’t reach.

By the time she was able to clear her mind some what she was already at the mall. Parking her car as close to the front as she could she got out and locked her doors before she started for the doors that led into the vast space that housed all types of stores; from clothing to cell phones. Knowing where they would be she made her way over to Gap kids where she soon found her mother and sister looking through clothes for her soon.

“Oh look at this one Kayla our little boy will look so cute in this,” she heard her mother say and she rolled her eyes as she made her way to the two women.

“I don’t think so mother,” Mena said as she reached the two. When she was next to her sister who was holding her son she looked down at him and cooed, “Hey there Zay-Zay, wanna come to momma,” she asked him as she held out her arms to him.

The baby grinned at her and readily reached back for her. Once he was in her arms she held him close and she let out a deep sigh as she smelled the nap of his neck.

The oldest of the three women pursed her lips before she asked, “Were you not suppose to be at the memory session, Mena?”

Closing her eyes for a moment she replied, “Yes, but then I got a headache and so Dr. Charles thought that it was good that I left. He told me he would see me for our next bi-monthly meeting.”

“Was it bad,” Kayla, her sister, asked.

“Not too bad. Just needed to see my baby boy,” she answered as she pulled back to look at her son, who had become her whole world. He grinned back at her then went back to play with her necklace and hair.

Kayla smiled at her sister then suggested, “Why don’t you go for a walk with Zayah while we finish up here and I’ll find you later.”

“Okay, you’ll know where I’ll be anyway,” Mena said just as she was walking out. As she was leaving she heard her mother say.

“What is it with her? It seems that I can never reach her.” She blocked out her sister’s reply as she rushed to leave the store.