Interviews From Hell

Xenophobe: "Happy Halloween, mother fuckers. I'm Zombie Xena and we're interviewing Escape the Fate."

Tyranny: "You didn't introduce me."

Xenophobe: "Too damn bad. Tania the fucking vampire."

Tyranny: "Don't get attitude."

Xenophobe: "I already have it. Boss called me here on freaking Samhain. I can't do anything today, after this, I'm talking to Hey Monday. I'm completely booked, and you're a fucking poser."

Tyranny: "I always thought his name was Rob. Everyone knows you're fucking him."

Xenophobe: "That's my business. ANYWAY. We're here with Escape the Fate, and thank you, guys, for waiting patiently."

Craig: "No problem, guys."

Tyranny: "So, what's it like touring?"

Craig: "It's a job. It's definitely a job. We're only human, we're not super-human--"

Xenophobe: "Ever fight off, like, an army of robot zombies?"

Craig: "Hell yeah. That shit is exhausting. I remember you being there."

Xenophobe: "I sure was! I was trying to get an autograph, but you know."

Tyranny: "This wasn't today, was it?"

Xenophobe: "And what if it was? Why don't you go ask your questions now?"

Tyranny: "Fine. I've heard that you guys have a new album on the way. How does that feel?"

Max: "Really good. Oh, Xena, you're gonna love it, I know. I can tell by your lips, you want it."

Xenophobe: "Hah. That sounded crazy without context."

Max: "It doesn't need context, my dear." he gives her a hypnotizing stare. His stare is so hypnotizing that she freezes in a trance. Then he pounces on her, sinking his fangs into her neck.

Tyranny: "Not fair! I'm the vampire! Hypnotize me!"

The door slams open and in the doorway, Ronnie stands, with his arms crossed.

Max sits up, his eyes aware, and averted to the door. "Ronnie!"

Ronnie: "MAX." his voice makes the room shake.

Bryan tries to hide behind Craig, and Robert covers his head with a pillow.

Craig: "Shit. Ronnie, what's going on, why are you here?!"

Ronnie approaches the couches. "I'm not gonna waste your time. I'm here, because I've escaped prison. They're on my tail, and I'm about to be on yours if you don't listen closely. There is a key in Max's coffin. Take it. In my coffin, there is a book with a lock. Open that diary. You will find something crucial in there. By the time you figure it out, I'll have leaped. But keep trying just the same. It'll be worth while. And as for you, Max--" he points at Max, who has blood splattered all over his face, "if I see you with one more skank, your ass will be fucked." he leaps out the window, onto the roof of the next building.

Tyranny: "... What just happened?"

Bryan: "... Should we ignore that?"

Craig: "I'm pretty sure we should just do what he says."

Max: "No. You can ignore it." he goes back to feeding off of Xenophobe.

Craig: "Are you sure?"

Max: "Look. I know Ronnie. He doesn't want anyone touching his coffins. Leave his coffins. His coffins don't need to be bothered."

Craig: What're in his coffins?"

Max: "LEAVE THE COFFINS BE." he sniffs around the room. "You're still recording, aren't you? STOP RECORDING."

Tyranny leaves the room with a blank face.