Living with a Heartache

Alex’s POV

I heard a conversation hanging in the air when I felt myself stir.

“Yeah Mom, they’ve been cool,”

“No, no. I haven’t been skipping school. And she’s a good person, yeah,”
There was a comfortable silence as I let my eyelids flutter open. The room was dimly lit. I could see the rays of sun- morning or afternoon I wasn’t sure, as they peeked in through the white curtains. I heard a chair creak slightly as I blinked against my blurry eyes and struggled to see what was going on without actually moving.

“Hey Dad. How’s Poland?”

Poland? Dad? Was Brian talking to his parents? I tried to push myself up using my elbows, but my arms gave way and I slid down into bed again. The last thing I remembered was collapsing into Brian’s arms in the toilet, just like a damsel in distress. Jeez. I blinked and stared at the ceiling thinking back. Fainting wasn’t a nice sensation, I felt like I was drowning in my thoughts but I couldn’t read them at all. They just swam around me and then there was a sharp but dull pain which hit my head. After that my legs suddenly gave way and everything else went into shut down mode.

I couldn’t just lie there anymore, I probably had been doing that for … 24 hours? I tried to get up again, but my arms went into a small spasm and I fell back onto the bed.

“Brian,” I rasped, my vocal cords had gone a little crusty and I desperately needed to get up. But Brian, who had his earphones on didn’t hear me. He continued talking to his parents.

“Brian!” I tried to raise my voice this time, but what came out was similar to a cat getting run over by a gigantic piece of cheese. I guess being out cold for a day made me a little delirious.

“Brian,” I rasped one last final time before I saw him freeze in his seat as he turned around slowly.

“Help, I need to get up. Sorry if I’m disturbing you,” I whispered.

He blinked twice, and then he whispered something into his headphones before rushing over.

I couldn’t help notice how his lips curled up into a sort of half smirk, half smile as he pulled out a chair and sat next to my bed.

“Hey,” he started.

“Hey, how long was I out?” I asked.

He checked the clock on the wall, then stared upwards for a few moments.

“I’d say… twenty… eight hours?” He said uncertainly.

I mouthed the words ‘oh’ and then looked at him expectedly.

“What?”

“Help me get up fool,”

“Why, are we playing the knight and the princess game where you act dead and I have to kiss you for you to get up. Cause if we are, I’m not doing it.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and then said “Seriously Brian. If you ever say that to me again, I’ll knock your lights out.”

“Oh? So I’m assuming you want me not to kiss you? Well in that case,” He trailed off and brought his face within inches of mine. I stared at him, what the hell was wrong with him? I struggled to get my hands from under the blanket so I could strike him, but he backed off almost immediately.

“Aw, mess with a sickly person who’s too sick to move. What kind of prince are you? Harassing a young innocent girl whose arms spasm when she tries to push herself up,” I quipped. My disgust for him fading within seconds as he smiled at me. Was it possible that I was flirting with Brian? Maybe, but I had no time to flirt now, I needed to get up.

He got my hint as he muttered a ‘come on’ as he slid his hands under my head and one hand under my waist and pushed me up. He looked at me for a moment as I got myself comfortable.

“What are you looking at?” my voice came out hoarse and croaky, very nice.

Brian seemed to hesitate for a minute before he handed me a warm bowl of brownish liquid I didn’t notice was settled by my bed side table.

“Your mum, she’s out at the center and she told me to get you this as soon as you woke up,” he informed me. He glanced at my hands, doubting their ability.

I sighed, “As much as I sound pathetic, I don’t think my hands are up to good use today.” He chuckled as he pushed the bowl towards me and encouraged me to take a sip. I gulped it down in one rush, feeling the bitter liquid rush down my throat, cooling the ache there as it slid downwards. It was foul tasting, and the look on my face must have said enough because Brian smirked again.

“Alex, I… Patrick came by yesterday,” He trailed off. My powerless hands suddenly urged themselves to grip the blanket which covered my legs. Patrick? My mind fled back to the day where he said all those words to me. I didn’t feel the pain which I felt when he said those words, I didn’t feel anything. Just a deep rush of worry surged my head. I kept silent though, watching Brian as he tried to tell me what he was trying to say.

“I uh, I sort of told him what happened with your parents,”

Brian’s POV

She didn’t flinch, she didn’t do anything. She just looked straight into me.

“What did he say?” she whispered.

“Nothing. He just seemed concerned. Alex, he cares about you more than you know,” I wish I was him, I could do that too, I thought inwardly.

“Brian, how does it feel to… to, know that wherever you are you have your mum and dad with you?” she asked. Her voice seemed to waver at the word ‘dad’. I was taken aback, I didn’t expect a question like that. I was more of expecting ‘I know that, dickhead’. I didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry, it’s just-“

“No, don’t be sorry. Alex, it wasn’t your fault that your parents are well, divorced,” she flinched at that word like I had thrown a sharp glass at her.

“I’m sorry, I just. You know, I didn’t know how fast I’d forgot how it was to live with a father. Maybe it’s all that’s happening around me, it’s just confusing you know?” she looked at me earnestly.

“Why’d you apologise for something that you didn’t do? It’s unnatural really. Do you really want to talk about this now?”I asked. She shook her head and looked at me. I’ve never felt so close to a girl before, never in my life. I’ve always been a single man, well. Except for some small little hook-ups, but nevermind.

“Okay then. Let’s talk about… Sam,” she groaned and smashed her face with her pillow. I faked a laugh, but I aching to hear what she had to say about him. I didn’t know why, because I knew the answer from her would be a hopeful one. For me, that is.

“I see the way you look at him. Okay, I saw the way you looked at him. It’s just, you don’t really like him do you. You know that he’s not the one and nothing would last, am I right?” I rattled, I knew that look I saw on her face. It was indifferent, and if someone could look so still when looking at a person they liked, well. It wasn’t natural, it wasn’t real. I knew that because well, I’ve seen it a lot on the girls who dated me.

Back to Alex, she seemed astounded to hear my words. Her features darkened, but she kept silent. She looked thoughtful as she pondered over my statement. Her eyes never left mine, I was resisting the urge to just bend over and grab her and kiss her. Somehow, this wouldn’t work like it always did with me. I didn’t want to hurt her, she seemed so fragile now. I didn’t know how come I’ve fallen so hard for her this time, and how I came to realization so quickly. Maybe it was just a crush, I would get over it.

“You’re right. You’re probably the first person to understand me without me opening my mouth. Patrick, well, Patrick doesn’t understand I think. He always tells me that he’s waiting for the right girl, and he would know it as soon as he sees her. But I know that’s never the case, because it wouldn’t be natural for him to fall for someone at all. But I’m glad you understand,” she said. I could tell she was reluctant to tell me all this, but I didn’t know why she told me. I wanted to tell her too, but I just couldn’t. She looked sour all of a sudden, like she’d just did something she shouldn’t have done.

“Please, don’t tell this to anyone. Please,” she pleaded. Her voice was soft and full of persuasion. I wanted to think of something cool to reply her like ‘I can’t promise you that’ or something along that line. But something in her voice made me nod my head instead.

The sour look flitted off her face as she suddenly laughed miserably.

“Isn’t it ironic, here you are taking care of me, when I’m supposed to be your host?”

“No worries, a man’s gotta be a man sometimes. Even if it involves kissing a princess in distress,” I replied, keeping the desperation and distraction of her impact towards me out of my voice. She smiled lightly; she was pretty when she smiled.

What the hell, I sound like some love-sick jerk.

I pushed my chair back before I really lost control of myself. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I couldn’t fall for Alex. Dammit, I couldn’t.

I smiled at her before walking off when she suddenly reached forward and grabbed my hand.

“Brian!”

“What?”

She flushed a slight red before looking up at me and muttering a soft ‘Thank you’. My blood rushed to the middle of my chest and I smiled back.

I’m turning into a woman, I just know it.