Living with a Heartache

[Alex]

“Her heartbeat’s rising,”

My eyes blurred, and came into focus again. Then a dark patch of circle clouded my vision.

“Alex?” a shower of hair cluttered onto my face.

“Penelope?” I horsed, well this couldn’t be heaven.

“OH MY GOD ALEX!” before I knew it I was lifted off where I was lying into a bone crushing hug. I couldn’t hug her back cause there was a needle in my arm.

Suddenly everything came into autofocus, and my head burned with a sharp pain. I blanked out and the hands were off me in seconds. Suddenly I saw Patrick’s face come into my vision.

“Hey you okay?” He asked, a smile crinkling up his face. I glanced mutely at him, waiting for the pain to subside.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I muttered, trying to sit up. My head was still throbbing. Penelope pressed the button which made the bed rise, and soon I was sitting up.

“How bad do I look?” I asked.

“Not that bad…” said Penelope.

“Well, we wouldn’t know because there’s a bandage around your head,” said Patrick.

“So when the bandages go off I’ll be bald?” I asked.

“Um, not really, just a few bald patches,” Penelope replied, wincing.

“Oh,” I looked around the room, there were some bunches of flowers lying around, and a huge tin of

cookies lying around.

“Fans?” I asked.

“Mostly,” Penelope replied, twisting a lock of her hair. I felt really bad. I don’t know why, but I felt like I let the whole world get upset over me. I had let everyone down, especially my mum and Brian.

Brian, oh god. I’m probably the ugliest girl in the world, he probably left with his parents to Poland. I never got a chance to apologize. I never got a chance to say that…

Penelope abruptly left the room as if she saw someone outside. Patrick closed his eyes and seemed to brace himself.

“Alex, he loves you,” he said. I blinked, my heart skipped a beat.

“No he doesn’t, no one could after what I’ve done,” I replied flatly.

“He does, he…” Patrick trailed off, as if what he said was going to trigger a release of bad dreams for me. Suddenly as if on cue, images of prom night flashed across my head. The drunks, the blood, the pain, the beatings… I almost got… raped. I felt so dirty, disgusting. How would anyone still want me.

Patrick’s eyes dripped with sadness as he looked at me. I was crying.

“It’s over Alex, it’s over,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me as I let the tears fall freely down. He rubbed my back soothingly as he let me cry on his shoulder.

“He can’t love me, not after what I did to him,” I croaked.

“Well he does, that’s why he came over as soon as Penelope texted him you were awake,”

What?

[Brian]

She’s awake, NOW

I rushed there all the way from school. Everyone knew what happened, news travelled fast, so I was easily let off by the teachers when I told them what happened.

But I buckled when I got there. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I saw Alex. What if she didn’t love me back. I was breathing heavily, and I could feel my heart hammering against my chest. What if I got there and found out I didn’t like her anymore.

It was too late to back out now.

Penelope came out of the room as soon as she heard me.

“Brian,” she said firmly, putting her hand on my shoulder.

“How is she?”

“Traumatized, mostly,”

“Penelope?”

“Yeah?”

“What if she doesn’t love me like I love her?”

Penelope smiled at me.

“Don’t worry, she does.”

Alex

Patrick gave me a smile as he closed the door behind him. My hands had turned cold, and I wasn’t sure how to feel. I didn’t have time to feel, because as I was wiping my tears away, Brian walked in.

He had his hands shoved into his jeans pocket and his jet black hair had grown over his eyes. His bruises had faded, but he looked tired. And worn out. He stood in front of the hospital bed and looked at me from behind his hair.

I felt like the ugliest person on Earth.

I stared back at him, aware that my eyes were red and sore.

“You’ve been crying,”

“Just a moment ago,” I replied, not sure what he was feeling.

“How are you,”

“Never been better,” that earned a small smirk from him. Smile, I wished. I had the sudden urge to sweep away his hair so I could look back into his green eyes. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair and sat down on the chair next to my bed.

“I’m sorry,” I gulped.

“For what?”

“What I did to you,” I wasn’t sure what I was saying, I didn’t dare look at him. I was afraid; I’d fall for his eyes again. I was afraid I’d hurt him some more.

“Yeah you hurt me,” he replied back. It stung. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“But if anything I did was worth the tears you shed, then I don’t really deserve your pity,” he shrugged. I bit my lip. My insides were aching, there was something trying to pull me apart, I think it was him.

“Sor-“

“I love you,” Wait what?

I blinked at him.

“You can’t,” I replied automatically.

“You can’t control how I feel,” he replied, looking at me straight in the eye. I felt myself burn.

“Not after what I did to you, you deserve better,”

“You were the best I ever had,” he muttered. What was I supposed to respond to that? All I knew was that I didn’t deserve one ounce of his love. I’d been taking advantage of him, killing him softly with everything I did. I was his heartache, and I didn’t want to be.

“How about you?” he replied, staring back at the floor. As if he was afraid of my answer. I hesitated.

“I… don’t know,”

“Why are you hesitating?”

“Because, I’m afraid,”

“Of what?”

“Of whatever I say next would hurt you,”

But it never did hurt him, because at that moment Brian lowered his lips on mine.