Dear Frankie...
Letter 13
Dear Frankie,
Close your eyes, let your fingers travel around it's slightly curving form, then stop. Right before it begins to flatten. Let your palm rest here and wait. And then it comes, light tapping, like the fluttering of butterflies.
This, I am told, is the baby moving. And it's also started making insulin and peeing and gotten teeth. This is utterly scary information I'd rather not know but it's given to me. Like those stupid Christmas sweaters that you are forced to wear. I am forced to know.
But it's okay because Finn's here and he looks like he's about to pass out only he's sort of doped up because earlier this morning they removed some from his eye and gave him some stuff "for the pain" which he downed as candy. And nurse Shawnie is okay, I mean she was really nice about Finn's breakdown and then about getting me an ultrasound under a fake name and shit. And Finn and her really enjoy chain smoking together.
It's the fact that she knows me from somewhere else that makes it uncomfortable for me to be around her. I'm trying to play it cool and utterly failing at it.
But then again there’s always some shit coming our way and playing it cool lacks complete meaning if you are drowning in shit. So we’re sitting on the side walk and they’re chain-smoking and I’m chain-eating apples, if that exists, and Giacopo just appears out of nowhere riding that asshole bike of his. It’s just the guy is such an asshole I have trouble believing we are truly related. So he says something really brill along the lines of “Ava aren’t you supposed to be at school?”. I just snort and ask him to go home and mind his own business. But he doesn’t move he stands there. “Ava why aren’t you in school?”. I explain about Finn’s appointment. Still he just stands there and then the shit really hits the fan.
“Hasn’t one-eye got any parents? Busy getting drunk or something’?”.
And I don’t know if he Finn does this because he’s doped or because Giacopo is hitting a soft spot, but he just gets up and spits at him. Right in the face. Before I can stop him, Giacopo has landed Finn one near his left ear, and Finn is hitting the ground hard, but he’s just laughing his head off like a crazy man which pisses Giacopo more, and it’s horrible to watch because Giacopo is huge and buffed and Finn is just terribly long and lean, but he isn’t even trying to fight back, he just laughs like a maniac and tells him to hit him HARDER. And I scream at Giacopo to stop, but he just keeps smacking Finn and Shawnie just stares in complete silence like a kid watching her parents have a fight. “C’mon cunt. Is that all you got? Hit me HARDER.” Finn keeps saying out of his bloody mouth, in-between chuckles and punches. I guess this crazy behavior scares Giacopo because he just gets up and kicks Finn in the ribs and spits at him.
“Your fucking crazy and I don’t want you near my sisters.” And then he just drags me and I let him because I’m afraid to make him angrier or something. So sit in the rack and he pedals like crazy muttering under his breath. And as we pedal away, I can still hear Finn snickering in the distance.
And right there I feel it again. The light tapping, the butterfly, your baby moving inside me.
Riding into the distance,
A.
Close your eyes, let your fingers travel around it's slightly curving form, then stop. Right before it begins to flatten. Let your palm rest here and wait. And then it comes, light tapping, like the fluttering of butterflies.
This, I am told, is the baby moving. And it's also started making insulin and peeing and gotten teeth. This is utterly scary information I'd rather not know but it's given to me. Like those stupid Christmas sweaters that you are forced to wear. I am forced to know.
But it's okay because Finn's here and he looks like he's about to pass out only he's sort of doped up because earlier this morning they removed some from his eye and gave him some stuff "for the pain" which he downed as candy. And nurse Shawnie is okay, I mean she was really nice about Finn's breakdown and then about getting me an ultrasound under a fake name and shit. And Finn and her really enjoy chain smoking together.
It's the fact that she knows me from somewhere else that makes it uncomfortable for me to be around her. I'm trying to play it cool and utterly failing at it.
But then again there’s always some shit coming our way and playing it cool lacks complete meaning if you are drowning in shit. So we’re sitting on the side walk and they’re chain-smoking and I’m chain-eating apples, if that exists, and Giacopo just appears out of nowhere riding that asshole bike of his. It’s just the guy is such an asshole I have trouble believing we are truly related. So he says something really brill along the lines of “Ava aren’t you supposed to be at school?”. I just snort and ask him to go home and mind his own business. But he doesn’t move he stands there. “Ava why aren’t you in school?”. I explain about Finn’s appointment. Still he just stands there and then the shit really hits the fan.
“Hasn’t one-eye got any parents? Busy getting drunk or something’?”.
And I don’t know if he Finn does this because he’s doped or because Giacopo is hitting a soft spot, but he just gets up and spits at him. Right in the face. Before I can stop him, Giacopo has landed Finn one near his left ear, and Finn is hitting the ground hard, but he’s just laughing his head off like a crazy man which pisses Giacopo more, and it’s horrible to watch because Giacopo is huge and buffed and Finn is just terribly long and lean, but he isn’t even trying to fight back, he just laughs like a maniac and tells him to hit him HARDER. And I scream at Giacopo to stop, but he just keeps smacking Finn and Shawnie just stares in complete silence like a kid watching her parents have a fight. “C’mon cunt. Is that all you got? Hit me HARDER.” Finn keeps saying out of his bloody mouth, in-between chuckles and punches. I guess this crazy behavior scares Giacopo because he just gets up and kicks Finn in the ribs and spits at him.
“Your fucking crazy and I don’t want you near my sisters.” And then he just drags me and I let him because I’m afraid to make him angrier or something. So sit in the rack and he pedals like crazy muttering under his breath. And as we pedal away, I can still hear Finn snickering in the distance.
And right there I feel it again. The light tapping, the butterfly, your baby moving inside me.
Riding into the distance,
A.