Dear Frankie...
Letter 17
Dear Frankie,
Take everything you’ve ever thought that would happen, all the signs you supposedly saw and all the things they taught you in Disney movies and throw it away, then you might get close to real life.
Faith, as life has taught us, is a rather complex business. I used to think I could find signs for all sorts of things. For example if I dated I guy and we went to that Mexican restaurant on 33rd street, I would think the date would be good since 3 is a lucky number. I would do this for all sorts of things. I guess it’s my gypsy side. It never worked out as expected.
There was the Irving incident. Your birthday is on Halloween. The Tom Waits song. All signs misread. Your car plate is number is 126, that’s a magic number for physics. Once I wanted to be physicist, that’s why I know. 2, 8, 20, 28, 50, 82, 126, all complete shells of neutrons, atoms resistant to nuclear decay. Here’s the catch with those: they have unusually unstable isotopes.
Between you and me, I’m a magic number too. Extremely unlikely to fall apart, extremely unstable when I do. So now now I’ve fallen apart, I’ve taken all my sign reading shit and thrown it into the bin. Only I’ve thrown a lot of my faith away with it too. Perspective really changes when you get knocked up at 17.
When I turned 17 I didn’t really knew I was pregnant, still I sort of knew. It had only been a month or so after that night and I was walking to school and I remember I kept thinking shit like: “If I am pregnant, a green car will drive by right now”.
Nothing happened, still I sort of knew. But somehow, even though I knew, I had faith that everything would be okay, faith that my period was just late, faith that you had used a condom. How silly to forget faith will only take you so far unless you are freaking George Michael and then it will make you rich.
I guess you just have to follow your gut. Your gut told you to go and tour the world. My gut told me I could do this.
Wanna change?
To be honest, this is only relevant because I have lost faith in finding you. Hambone gave us a real fright but it was all fake. I’m tired of playing make-believe because all the things I thought would be okay, didn’t turn out okay and all the things that could have gone wrong, went wrong. Decay has begun, let the chaos come to us with eyes wide open. I have no faith I will ever go to college, I have no faith in everything I was thought to believe and I have no faith in you. How could I? I don’t even know you.
A bunch of numbers and uncanny coincidences should mean nothing to me now.
Then again life’s a bitch.
Shawnie is moving to New York in exactly 33 days. I could go with her, I do feel extremely unstable.
Uncanny right?
A
Take everything you’ve ever thought that would happen, all the signs you supposedly saw and all the things they taught you in Disney movies and throw it away, then you might get close to real life.
Faith, as life has taught us, is a rather complex business. I used to think I could find signs for all sorts of things. For example if I dated I guy and we went to that Mexican restaurant on 33rd street, I would think the date would be good since 3 is a lucky number. I would do this for all sorts of things. I guess it’s my gypsy side. It never worked out as expected.
There was the Irving incident. Your birthday is on Halloween. The Tom Waits song. All signs misread. Your car plate is number is 126, that’s a magic number for physics. Once I wanted to be physicist, that’s why I know. 2, 8, 20, 28, 50, 82, 126, all complete shells of neutrons, atoms resistant to nuclear decay. Here’s the catch with those: they have unusually unstable isotopes.
Between you and me, I’m a magic number too. Extremely unlikely to fall apart, extremely unstable when I do. So now now I’ve fallen apart, I’ve taken all my sign reading shit and thrown it into the bin. Only I’ve thrown a lot of my faith away with it too. Perspective really changes when you get knocked up at 17.
When I turned 17 I didn’t really knew I was pregnant, still I sort of knew. It had only been a month or so after that night and I was walking to school and I remember I kept thinking shit like: “If I am pregnant, a green car will drive by right now”.
Nothing happened, still I sort of knew. But somehow, even though I knew, I had faith that everything would be okay, faith that my period was just late, faith that you had used a condom. How silly to forget faith will only take you so far unless you are freaking George Michael and then it will make you rich.
I guess you just have to follow your gut. Your gut told you to go and tour the world. My gut told me I could do this.
Wanna change?
To be honest, this is only relevant because I have lost faith in finding you. Hambone gave us a real fright but it was all fake. I’m tired of playing make-believe because all the things I thought would be okay, didn’t turn out okay and all the things that could have gone wrong, went wrong. Decay has begun, let the chaos come to us with eyes wide open. I have no faith I will ever go to college, I have no faith in everything I was thought to believe and I have no faith in you. How could I? I don’t even know you.
A bunch of numbers and uncanny coincidences should mean nothing to me now.
Then again life’s a bitch.
Shawnie is moving to New York in exactly 33 days. I could go with her, I do feel extremely unstable.
Uncanny right?
A