Dear Frankie...
Letter 18
Dear Frankie,
“Twinkle, Twinkle little bat,
How I wonder where you’re at!”
Alice in Wonderland is such a good book, I have trouble facing reality after a couple of chapters. Hannah is reading it for the heck of it and I’m supposed to help her with hard words and stuff but I’m just re-reading it.
Forget about faith and all that stuff I kept worrying about. It’s no use worrying about shit I can’t change and if I really think about it, I never really had any faith.
Deep down I knew confessing sins I didn’t really think were sins made no sense. I knew father Ted could not save my soul. I knew Finn and I were just a pair of losers giggling during mass and that the future had nothing grand awaiting for us. If it did, we would have screwed up anyways. Just like I did.
You on the other hand, are different. You’re doing something big and that’s just brill. For you I mean, I just don’t think making something “big” is that important. I never wanted to be famous or rich. To me, doing such things is just like going to a tea party with the mad hatter. Lacking in sense and drink. I’m glad you are using the best butter to fix the watch but I just don’t want to join in.
Anyways I’m still working like crazy and have gotten over the desire of letting my finger slip under the needle. My jeans won’t fit anymore so I’ve taken into wearing crazy big man shirts and leggings. It’s such a hipster look but I’m just using it to hide my belly. So I went to see Hambone play, Alice hasn’t left him yet but it’s only a matter of time before she gets bored or so she says. The guy plays and screams like mad, I love it.
After the gig we went out drinking. I only went because I feel like I’m saying goodbye to all this. The parties, the guys, the drunks and the smoke, but mostly to Alice.
I’ve know Alice for a really long time yet I can’t manage to tell her the truth.
I don’t know about that New York thing yet but somehow I’m saying my goodbyes already.
Anyways Hambone got terrible wasted and kept patting me in the back so hard I thought my spine would just bend in. He sang The Secret Goldfish chorus to us “a capela ”- it was something about closing eyes. I felt like crying, Hambone misunderstood this and told me he thought you and me would have “really hit things off”. I reckon he thinks I’m in love with you. Oh how I wish! It certainly would be simpler than being pregnant with your kid.
I’m going to go now, reading and Hannah await and I really want to be with her as much as possible before anything happens or not. I guess it doesn’t really matter where I go as long as I go somewhere. Which road you take doesn’t really matter if you don’t know where you are going right?
From the fork in the road,
Ava.
“Twinkle, Twinkle little bat,
How I wonder where you’re at!”
Alice in Wonderland is such a good book, I have trouble facing reality after a couple of chapters. Hannah is reading it for the heck of it and I’m supposed to help her with hard words and stuff but I’m just re-reading it.
Forget about faith and all that stuff I kept worrying about. It’s no use worrying about shit I can’t change and if I really think about it, I never really had any faith.
Deep down I knew confessing sins I didn’t really think were sins made no sense. I knew father Ted could not save my soul. I knew Finn and I were just a pair of losers giggling during mass and that the future had nothing grand awaiting for us. If it did, we would have screwed up anyways. Just like I did.
You on the other hand, are different. You’re doing something big and that’s just brill. For you I mean, I just don’t think making something “big” is that important. I never wanted to be famous or rich. To me, doing such things is just like going to a tea party with the mad hatter. Lacking in sense and drink. I’m glad you are using the best butter to fix the watch but I just don’t want to join in.
Anyways I’m still working like crazy and have gotten over the desire of letting my finger slip under the needle. My jeans won’t fit anymore so I’ve taken into wearing crazy big man shirts and leggings. It’s such a hipster look but I’m just using it to hide my belly. So I went to see Hambone play, Alice hasn’t left him yet but it’s only a matter of time before she gets bored or so she says. The guy plays and screams like mad, I love it.
After the gig we went out drinking. I only went because I feel like I’m saying goodbye to all this. The parties, the guys, the drunks and the smoke, but mostly to Alice.
I’ve know Alice for a really long time yet I can’t manage to tell her the truth.
I don’t know about that New York thing yet but somehow I’m saying my goodbyes already.
Anyways Hambone got terrible wasted and kept patting me in the back so hard I thought my spine would just bend in. He sang The Secret Goldfish chorus to us “a capela ”- it was something about closing eyes. I felt like crying, Hambone misunderstood this and told me he thought you and me would have “really hit things off”. I reckon he thinks I’m in love with you. Oh how I wish! It certainly would be simpler than being pregnant with your kid.
I’m going to go now, reading and Hannah await and I really want to be with her as much as possible before anything happens or not. I guess it doesn’t really matter where I go as long as I go somewhere. Which road you take doesn’t really matter if you don’t know where you are going right?
From the fork in the road,
Ava.