Dear Frankie...
Letter 2
Dear Frankie,
It’s pouring outside, cats and dog my da’ will say. So instead of going outside and as far away from here as humanly possible I’ve been forced to stay home, which I hate because it gives me free time to think about the future and let’s just say it’s not so bright from here.
Well all this thinking, besides making me sick has me wondering if perhaps you were doubting whether the baby is yours or not. To be brutally honest with you I’ve only been with two guys in my life. The first was my best friend Finn McKenzie and it was back in lower sixth. We were both fifteen and kept skipping Monday mass to go feed the ducks at the park. Finn has become sort of a man-whore now but I guess back then we both were just confused and bored. I just wanted to do something neither the church or my father would approve.
I guess I felt very angry but I still can’t understand at whom or what. I remember we even bought rubbers and used them. Father Ted must be twisting in his grave. I was always told unnatural contraception is wrong. It’s silly to think I wouldn't’t be in such a fucking mess if I would have stopped and thought of that. I think I just assumed you would take care of that. Stupid me. Father Ted might preach whatever he wants about condoms, but having a kid when you are seventeen is just wrong and scary.
I guess the thought of me really being pregnant hasn't’t settled in yet or I’d be scared shit-less.
Well it rained for a week after me and Finn did it. Like right now. Frankly I didn't’t feel less angry or anything and I couldn't’t help but wonder if the rain was like a sign of god being disappointed in me. I was being ridiculous. At first I felt like people would be able to tell just by looking at me, I’ve never been too good with secrets. But then no one noticed. I should have known. In my house no one notices anything. I have 5 siblings to make sure of that. My youngest sister, Hannah, is five and my oldest brother Giacopo turns 18 tomorrow. He’s an ass. He thinks life is all about getting rich and having a “decent” wife in a grand house with white picket fences. If he knew he probably say I’m such an “indecent” girl and should be sent off to a Madeleine convent to wash clothes and my hopefully be granted forgiveness.
The very idea makes me feel like I’m five and just wet my bed.
You don’t have those in America, Madeleine convents. They’re not allowed in Ireland anymore either but they’re still quite present. They’re prisons under the pretext of a convent, where woman where shut down and kept against their will by horrid nuns and forced to work in laundry rooms and wash away their sins which varied from getting knocked up to being raped or even being too flirtatious.
Marx was right, religion is the opium of the masses.
Fuck Giacopo.
I hope you are well.
Ava.
It’s pouring outside, cats and dog my da’ will say. So instead of going outside and as far away from here as humanly possible I’ve been forced to stay home, which I hate because it gives me free time to think about the future and let’s just say it’s not so bright from here.
Well all this thinking, besides making me sick has me wondering if perhaps you were doubting whether the baby is yours or not. To be brutally honest with you I’ve only been with two guys in my life. The first was my best friend Finn McKenzie and it was back in lower sixth. We were both fifteen and kept skipping Monday mass to go feed the ducks at the park. Finn has become sort of a man-whore now but I guess back then we both were just confused and bored. I just wanted to do something neither the church or my father would approve.
I guess I felt very angry but I still can’t understand at whom or what. I remember we even bought rubbers and used them. Father Ted must be twisting in his grave. I was always told unnatural contraception is wrong. It’s silly to think I wouldn't’t be in such a fucking mess if I would have stopped and thought of that. I think I just assumed you would take care of that. Stupid me. Father Ted might preach whatever he wants about condoms, but having a kid when you are seventeen is just wrong and scary.
I guess the thought of me really being pregnant hasn't’t settled in yet or I’d be scared shit-less.
Well it rained for a week after me and Finn did it. Like right now. Frankly I didn't’t feel less angry or anything and I couldn't’t help but wonder if the rain was like a sign of god being disappointed in me. I was being ridiculous. At first I felt like people would be able to tell just by looking at me, I’ve never been too good with secrets. But then no one noticed. I should have known. In my house no one notices anything. I have 5 siblings to make sure of that. My youngest sister, Hannah, is five and my oldest brother Giacopo turns 18 tomorrow. He’s an ass. He thinks life is all about getting rich and having a “decent” wife in a grand house with white picket fences. If he knew he probably say I’m such an “indecent” girl and should be sent off to a Madeleine convent to wash clothes and my hopefully be granted forgiveness.
The very idea makes me feel like I’m five and just wet my bed.
You don’t have those in America, Madeleine convents. They’re not allowed in Ireland anymore either but they’re still quite present. They’re prisons under the pretext of a convent, where woman where shut down and kept against their will by horrid nuns and forced to work in laundry rooms and wash away their sins which varied from getting knocked up to being raped or even being too flirtatious.
Marx was right, religion is the opium of the masses.
Fuck Giacopo.
I hope you are well.
Ava.