Ron Weasley Got Hit by a Car!
The Replacement
I shivered as I stood in front of the store. I heard the screams of fan girls and obsessive stalkers of random famous people. Basically, if you wanted a poster, doll, CD, or even a cardboard cutout, you would come here.
I somehow managed to push myself inside. Remember it’s for Brenda, a poor poor messed up girl, I kept telling myself. I walked inside and saw a group of Twilight nerds hovering over the Edward Cullen plushies, and a young girl in a purple jacket holding up a Justin Timberlake poster screaming, “MOMMY PLEASE.”
I quickly went to the cutouts, without turning back. I looked in the H’s, for Harry Potter. They had 7, 3 Harry’s, 2 Dumbledors, and 2 Snapes. I grabbed the Harry without thinking. Then I stopped dead in my tracks… What would Brenda think?
Either she would quickly fall madly in love with him, being a lonely widow and all. Or she would have a mental break down about the thought of having sex with her dead husbands best friend.
Without hesitating I quickly put the Harry cutout back. So just in a hurry to get out of here, I grab a Snape one hoping she wont care. I walked up to the register, and I got dad’s wallet out to pay. “Hello ma’am, Can I he…… Is that the old emo guy from Harry Potter?” He rudely asks me.
I shrug in a relaxed way. So this is how Brenda feels when people ask her that… Angry. “I lost a bet.” I said as a quick excuse. I give him the money and run out of there as fast as I could.
As I arrive I hear my Dad yelling, and Brenda still yelling, as she was when I left her. I was really surprised no one called the cops. I approached Brenda from behind, and gently said, “Brenda.” I quickly put the cutout behind my back.
Her head turns my way. Her expression of anger turns into curiosity. “RONNI?” She asks as she releases my Dad. He gets off the ground and runs AWAY!
Brenda looks at me… with lust. “ROONI.” She repeats herself, still starring at my back. “Not exactly.” I say as I pull Snape out from behind my back.” Someone with more wisdom, class and… Experience.”
She points at the cutout and starts to scream. “THAT’S NOT ROONI-KINS.” She repeatedly yells. “I DON’T WANT THAT BIG UGLY OLD GUY WHO PROBABLY HAS LACK OF SEX.”
I roll my eyes, “Knowing you can change all of that.” I say hoping she would go along. She shrugs and turns around, facing the way home. I set the Snape cutout on the ground, standing up. Why not, I have no use for it.
I start to follow Brenda, until we hear a loud irritating sound. You know like when you rub metal together… Well like that yet some how different. Me and I slowly turn around and see what was the end of all theory of what’s real and what’s not.
We saw Professor. Snape, not the cutout THE REAL GUY. “How dare you ratchet muggle call me those things… Lack of sex? As true as it is you had no evidence.” He yells. Brenda puts her hand on my arm. “Sadie.” She mumbles. I don’t answer.
He lifts his wand and says some mumbo jumbo words that sound Spanish. Then he starts growing foot by foot. He grows fatter, taller, and uglier by every second. He does this until he is at least 60 feet tall.
I immediately take action and run like hell. But Brenda on the other hand… not the brightest thing. She stood there pointing at him with her jaw wide open. He reaches down and grabs her.
“Lets go.” He says as he starts to take large steps toward the city. Brenda screams with terror. I run after actually thinking I had a chance of catching up. I run until I physically cant anymore. I lean on a brick wall, next to the TV shop. It was on the local news.
“That’s right folks, a giant man with oily hair and a big nose is running threw our delightful little city. About time something happened to us.” I listened a while longer about something else and then started running again.
When I finally found them he was sitting on a tall sky scrapper, swinging Brenda around like she was an action figure. She screamed and screamed, it was somehow funny to me. So I started laughing.
A few military planes came in from the north. They started shooting at him, not even caring about Brenda. Snape started to laugh like a maniac. “Don’t waste your tax dollars America… Muggle made products cannot harm me.” He yelled at the planes.
Immediately after he said that the sky filled up with depressing clouds. Then it started to drizzle, until it finally eased its way into a nice heavy rain. Snape’s crazed expression fled from his face.
“NO… NOT NOW.” He screamed. He started to slowly melt into cardboard slime. It trailed down the side of the building, and left a river of cardboard sludge surrounding it. He dropped Brenda and she landed safely on the sludge.
He screamed in agonizing pain, and he continued melting until there was no more. He was completely gone. The rain stopped, the clouds disappeared, and the sunshine hovered over our town again.
I starred in shock at Brenda laying peacefully on the sludge. My Dad approached me, and placed his hand on my shoulder. “It wasn’t rain that killed the beast… It was beauty.” He whispered.
I tilted my head, and walked over to Brenda. I kicked her unconscious body over so it was facing me. I looked at her… unique facial features. “No… Dad no… It was the rain.”
I somehow managed to push myself inside. Remember it’s for Brenda, a poor poor messed up girl, I kept telling myself. I walked inside and saw a group of Twilight nerds hovering over the Edward Cullen plushies, and a young girl in a purple jacket holding up a Justin Timberlake poster screaming, “MOMMY PLEASE.”
I quickly went to the cutouts, without turning back. I looked in the H’s, for Harry Potter. They had 7, 3 Harry’s, 2 Dumbledors, and 2 Snapes. I grabbed the Harry without thinking. Then I stopped dead in my tracks… What would Brenda think?
Either she would quickly fall madly in love with him, being a lonely widow and all. Or she would have a mental break down about the thought of having sex with her dead husbands best friend.
Without hesitating I quickly put the Harry cutout back. So just in a hurry to get out of here, I grab a Snape one hoping she wont care. I walked up to the register, and I got dad’s wallet out to pay. “Hello ma’am, Can I he…… Is that the old emo guy from Harry Potter?” He rudely asks me.
I shrug in a relaxed way. So this is how Brenda feels when people ask her that… Angry. “I lost a bet.” I said as a quick excuse. I give him the money and run out of there as fast as I could.
As I arrive I hear my Dad yelling, and Brenda still yelling, as she was when I left her. I was really surprised no one called the cops. I approached Brenda from behind, and gently said, “Brenda.” I quickly put the cutout behind my back.
Her head turns my way. Her expression of anger turns into curiosity. “RONNI?” She asks as she releases my Dad. He gets off the ground and runs AWAY!
Brenda looks at me… with lust. “ROONI.” She repeats herself, still starring at my back. “Not exactly.” I say as I pull Snape out from behind my back.” Someone with more wisdom, class and… Experience.”
She points at the cutout and starts to scream. “THAT’S NOT ROONI-KINS.” She repeatedly yells. “I DON’T WANT THAT BIG UGLY OLD GUY WHO PROBABLY HAS LACK OF SEX.”
I roll my eyes, “Knowing you can change all of that.” I say hoping she would go along. She shrugs and turns around, facing the way home. I set the Snape cutout on the ground, standing up. Why not, I have no use for it.
I start to follow Brenda, until we hear a loud irritating sound. You know like when you rub metal together… Well like that yet some how different. Me and I slowly turn around and see what was the end of all theory of what’s real and what’s not.
We saw Professor. Snape, not the cutout THE REAL GUY. “How dare you ratchet muggle call me those things… Lack of sex? As true as it is you had no evidence.” He yells. Brenda puts her hand on my arm. “Sadie.” She mumbles. I don’t answer.
He lifts his wand and says some mumbo jumbo words that sound Spanish. Then he starts growing foot by foot. He grows fatter, taller, and uglier by every second. He does this until he is at least 60 feet tall.
I immediately take action and run like hell. But Brenda on the other hand… not the brightest thing. She stood there pointing at him with her jaw wide open. He reaches down and grabs her.
“Lets go.” He says as he starts to take large steps toward the city. Brenda screams with terror. I run after actually thinking I had a chance of catching up. I run until I physically cant anymore. I lean on a brick wall, next to the TV shop. It was on the local news.
“That’s right folks, a giant man with oily hair and a big nose is running threw our delightful little city. About time something happened to us.” I listened a while longer about something else and then started running again.
When I finally found them he was sitting on a tall sky scrapper, swinging Brenda around like she was an action figure. She screamed and screamed, it was somehow funny to me. So I started laughing.
A few military planes came in from the north. They started shooting at him, not even caring about Brenda. Snape started to laugh like a maniac. “Don’t waste your tax dollars America… Muggle made products cannot harm me.” He yelled at the planes.
Immediately after he said that the sky filled up with depressing clouds. Then it started to drizzle, until it finally eased its way into a nice heavy rain. Snape’s crazed expression fled from his face.
“NO… NOT NOW.” He screamed. He started to slowly melt into cardboard slime. It trailed down the side of the building, and left a river of cardboard sludge surrounding it. He dropped Brenda and she landed safely on the sludge.
He screamed in agonizing pain, and he continued melting until there was no more. He was completely gone. The rain stopped, the clouds disappeared, and the sunshine hovered over our town again.
I starred in shock at Brenda laying peacefully on the sludge. My Dad approached me, and placed his hand on my shoulder. “It wasn’t rain that killed the beast… It was beauty.” He whispered.
I tilted my head, and walked over to Brenda. I kicked her unconscious body over so it was facing me. I looked at her… unique facial features. “No… Dad no… It was the rain.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Yay!