Oxycontin Genocide
[Oxycontin Genocide] [Gerard Way] [01]
What does feeling nude even though you're wearing all your clothes on mean? It's not like you're actually naked , no. People don't see any skin at all. There's just feelings. It might not really interest you , knowing you won't be looking at porn. It's the plain see-through trick, making you feel embarrassed about anything. Or at least that's what you think. Do you know how it feels when you don't have that one person? No, you have them all. Every single person knows about me, and I'm not even here to tell you I'm a redneck, because I'm not at all. People just happen to know me. They know what I'm doing at every second of the day. They know about my love life even though I don't have one. They make it seem like I'm important when actually I'm not , at all. I don't have a human being that wants to sit down and talk about anything at every moment of the day. Someone who I can call in the middle of the night and they won't be mad because I woke them up. Just someone who makes me feel alive. Someone that I can relate too. Even when we would fight we would laugh at our own pathetic views. Someone who can cheer me up by just writing a note for me and slipping it through my door. That one person that makes me smile at every word that rolls over their bright red cherry lips. It all seems a little surreal doesn't it? You never know for sure if you'll meet him. Some friends of mine say, relax don't worry you'll find someone. But what do they know? They still believe in their own lies. I'm young , I should enjoy my life and not worry about these kind of things but yet there's still this little voice in my head that keeps alarming me that every day could be my last.
I wish every night even though I don't believe in wishes. Star are just balls of fire crashing in the face of God. They're a thousand miles away from me. Maybe this would get better if I live in my own fantasy world. I'm actually jealous of people who can tell themselves everything will be alright even though they know it won't. But then who made ' wish up on a shooting star ' up? Who is that person and what was in their heads? Drugs , love , empathy , jealousy , desperation? I don't believe in wishing up on a star. I don't believe in wishes at all. They will never come true even if I pull out all of my eyelashes, or put a million pennies in a fountain. I can't win anything with it , no love, just the lost of a few eyelashes ( that don't grow back by the way ) and money. I will never find my prince even if I kissed a thousand frogs. And believe me I'm not searching for my prince. I'm just searching for someone who thinks the same way as I do, yet is different.
I guess, fantasy is just a click in your head that goes on and off every once and a while. My fantasy? A story as The Notebook would match it pretty well but who am I kidding? It's a movie for dreamers and believe me, I am not a dreamer. I just have thoughts in my head that make me stare at walls from time to time. There isn't just a way of explaining them because you would be reading for 2 months if so. If you would actually be interested in them , thank you. If you're not, thank you even more. Fairy tails , that's what I call them. I know, they're made up for kids in Disneyland so they have some hope left. But I want to live like Mickey and Minnie Mouse except for the big ears and the nose then. Looking at the strawberry gashes that plague me, I often think people don't try enough. But yeah, look at me, 24 and still single. I should get out there someway or another but when I do, people know my name. They want signatures sometimes I even have some weirdos that want my saliva.
Yet my advice to you is ; get out of there one way or another. Don't just cut yourself, slash your neck so you will forever remain silent. Don't diet. Eat nothing instead of anything. Have hope and pray for God's sake that you can live every day like you want to. Because you just know there is someone in this world who has it much worse than you. You call yourself fat? I'm pretty sure there are many people with much more flesh on their body than you. Is it crazy that every person thinks he has it much worse than me? Of course not , they see my life with glory , fame , meeting stars and money. But have they ever thought about privacy? Being followed around by cameras every single second of the day. Not being able to take a long, quiet walk in the park. Or just taking a crowdy bus? I miss this. I miss being on a bus with my iPod blasting in my ears, sitting next to an old sweaty man. I miss going outside with my sweatpants on , not being judged.
I miss people not freaking out because I dye my normal plain black hair blonde. This wasn't how I'm supposed to live. I can't go out of a club drunk without the magazines writing that I'm an alcoholic. I want people to look up to me, and I'm sure some of them do but that's not enough.
I need that one person.
That guy.
I need my fairy tail.
Hi, I'm Aaleahya and I've been pregnant every month.
or atleast that's what they write down in the magazines.
I wish every night even though I don't believe in wishes. Star are just balls of fire crashing in the face of God. They're a thousand miles away from me. Maybe this would get better if I live in my own fantasy world. I'm actually jealous of people who can tell themselves everything will be alright even though they know it won't. But then who made ' wish up on a shooting star ' up? Who is that person and what was in their heads? Drugs , love , empathy , jealousy , desperation? I don't believe in wishing up on a star. I don't believe in wishes at all. They will never come true even if I pull out all of my eyelashes, or put a million pennies in a fountain. I can't win anything with it , no love, just the lost of a few eyelashes ( that don't grow back by the way ) and money. I will never find my prince even if I kissed a thousand frogs. And believe me I'm not searching for my prince. I'm just searching for someone who thinks the same way as I do, yet is different.
I guess, fantasy is just a click in your head that goes on and off every once and a while. My fantasy? A story as The Notebook would match it pretty well but who am I kidding? It's a movie for dreamers and believe me, I am not a dreamer. I just have thoughts in my head that make me stare at walls from time to time. There isn't just a way of explaining them because you would be reading for 2 months if so. If you would actually be interested in them , thank you. If you're not, thank you even more. Fairy tails , that's what I call them. I know, they're made up for kids in Disneyland so they have some hope left. But I want to live like Mickey and Minnie Mouse except for the big ears and the nose then. Looking at the strawberry gashes that plague me, I often think people don't try enough. But yeah, look at me, 24 and still single. I should get out there someway or another but when I do, people know my name. They want signatures sometimes I even have some weirdos that want my saliva.
Yet my advice to you is ; get out of there one way or another. Don't just cut yourself, slash your neck so you will forever remain silent. Don't diet. Eat nothing instead of anything. Have hope and pray for God's sake that you can live every day like you want to. Because you just know there is someone in this world who has it much worse than you. You call yourself fat? I'm pretty sure there are many people with much more flesh on their body than you. Is it crazy that every person thinks he has it much worse than me? Of course not , they see my life with glory , fame , meeting stars and money. But have they ever thought about privacy? Being followed around by cameras every single second of the day. Not being able to take a long, quiet walk in the park. Or just taking a crowdy bus? I miss this. I miss being on a bus with my iPod blasting in my ears, sitting next to an old sweaty man. I miss going outside with my sweatpants on , not being judged.
I miss people not freaking out because I dye my normal plain black hair blonde. This wasn't how I'm supposed to live. I can't go out of a club drunk without the magazines writing that I'm an alcoholic. I want people to look up to me, and I'm sure some of them do but that's not enough.
I need that one person.
That guy.
I need my fairy tail.
Hi, I'm Aaleahya and I've been pregnant every month.
or atleast that's what they write down in the magazines.