Cold As You

Although we came to the dinner separately, Sidney and I left together. After saying short good-byes to all of our friends, Sid grabbed my hand and we walked to his Land Rover together in sweet silence. Because I had a lot on my mind, I didn't bother talking and he seemed content with that as well. The car ride back to my apartment was equally quiet and Sidney only finally spoke when we reached my home.

"Do you want me to walk you up?" He asked.

I shrugged, wondering why he was even asking me, "Sure."

We both got out of the car, Sidney grabbing onto my hand once again as we ascended up to my floor, walking down the hallway after the elevator had arrived on the correct floor. He followed me into my apartment after I had opened the door though I hadn't invited him inside. Soon after, his lips found mine and we were back to the place we had seem to be in for the last few days.

God, I was so fucking stupid. I let him sleep with me for the third time without an explanation. I let him do whatever he wanted with me as I just laid there. Well, I guess it takes two to tango but it was just impossible to say no to him. I had never said no to Sidney Crosby in my entire life, the fact that he suddenly wanted to sleep with me was absolutely no exception.

I was groggy when I woke up the next morning. Feeling weight shifting on my mattress and hearing some shuffling around the room is what made me finally open my eyes and sit up. Sidney was getting dressed, leaving me to wake up alone once again. Only this time, I wouldn't let him get off the hook so easily.

"Where are you going?" I asked. His back was towards me but I could tell he felt like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner. He turned around slowly, that trademark side smile on his lips.

"Back to my place," he answered nonchalantly. I furrowed my eyebrows, glaring at the hockey superstar.

"Without telling me?" I shot at him. He looked confused, I had never raised my voice at him like this and I knew he didn't expect it.

"Well, I didn't want to wak-"

"You're a liar," I said in a small voice.

"What?" He asked, most likely in shock that I had said something like that.

"You're breaking my fucking heart Sidney," I whispered. "And you don't even care."

"What? Evangeline, I didn-"

"Please," I said, putting my hand up as a way to get him to stop speaking. "I should have known- I'm such an idiot."

"I don't know what you mean Evan," Sidney tried to defend himself, but to no avail. I was no longer falling for his bullshit. This was it- the last straw.

"Just tell me one thing Sidney. Just one thing," I asked quietly.

"Sure," he said quickly.

"Were you going to wake me up before you left?" I inquired my voice so low that he really had to concentrate on what I was saying or else he probably wouldn't have been able to hear me. I counted the seconds it took him to answer me- 46 seconds. Forty-six seconds we were surrounded my silence, waiting for any sort of excuse to leave Sidney Crosby's perfect lips. But it never came. And to me, that was more hurtful than him trying to lie. He was just going to leave me again without so much as a simple good-bye.

"Leave," I told him finally.

"Huh?"

"You heard me," I said, raising my voice considerably. "Get the fuck out," I spat.

Once again, Sidney was silent and he turned around without a fight and left. When I heard the front door close I fell back onto my bed, my back hitting the soft sheets gently. I turned to my side and curled into the fetal position, starting at the wall without a single emotion in my eyes.

I was void of all emotions, numb; I was feeling so much I wasn't feeling anything at all. I couldn't think straight, I didn't know what just happened. Everything kept playing over and over in my head, those 46 seconds of silence feeling like days. My heart ached, feeling like it was breaking into more pieces than it was made of.

He didn't care enough about me to stay. Hell, he didn't even care enough to fucking make up a lie. I had always put so much effort into Sidney and I's friendship. Making sure he was never upset, always supporting him, spending ridiculous amounts of money on flights to Detroit while I stayed in a hotel alone just to watch him in the playoffs last year. It wasn't that he didn't put in an equal amount of effort into our friendship, it was just that more of my emotions were involved than his so therefore it always seemed like I was doing more than he was.

Maybe I was stupid for letting things get this far, maybe I was stupid for letting him have his way with me. I knew I was a stronger person than that, but obviously I wasn't.

And now all I had to show for it was an ex-best friend and a broken heart.

"I never want to see you unhappy, I thought you'd want the same for me."