Cold As You

I stared at my phone, like if I looked hard enough and long enough he'd call me. My phone rang a lot- just never from his number. And a lot of people came over to see if I was okay- he just never walked through my door.

I always knew guys had a tendency to be dumb about certain relationship aspects, but I never thought Sidney would be this oblivious to my feelings. I mean, I guess it was something I would expect from a guy I had just met, but Sidney and I had known each other for years. We had been friends before we started our odd sort of relations. I just couldn't fathom how he could be so deeply inconsiderate about things. He was making himself seem selfish- something I would never associate him with before this.

I broke down and called my brother after about a week of wallowing in self pity. While Addie, Sarah, and Vero all knew Sidney, I knew Sean knew him much better. We had all grown up together and Sean was probably another one of Sid's best friends. I knew Sean could help me gain some clarity from this mess of a situation.

"I'm going to kill him," Sean stated way too seriously for my liking when I had finished spilling my heart out to him.

"Sean," I sighed. "Don't let this effect how you view Sid, I know you two are friends. This is between us."

"Evangeline," he said incredulously. "You're my sister. If Sidney thinks that he can just treat you like this because of winning the Cup, or because he thinks he can just use you because you've always been there he's wrong. He's a douche Evan," he stressed.

I pursed my lips and tucked my legs underneath my body. Flipping my long bangs out of my face I let out a deep sigh, wondering how I had ended up in this position. I thought Sidney winning the Stanley Cup would be a good thing, and I thought this summer would be the best of my life. Instead I was sitting here whining to my brother about my problems.

"I just wish I didn't let this happen," I whispered.

"It's not your fault," Sean insisted.

"Yes it is!" I snapped. "I let this happen. I let him sleep with me, I could've said no, but I didn't. Because I wanted to, because he told me we were going to move in together, he promised me all of this shit and I believed him. It's not all my fault, I know that much, but I had a part in it," I explained to him.

"Maybe you should just come home Evangeline," he said softly.

Going back to Cole Harbor was harder than I expected, especially because everywhere I look there was a little piece of Sidney. Hell, on the Welcome to Cole Harbor sign it said "Home of Sidney Crosby." Things were usually like this though, Sidney being all over and all. I guess it just never really bothered me much because we were on good terms. Now that he had shattered my heart into a million pieces walking around town just wasn't the same.

And that was another thing- my heart. At a certain point I just stopped feeling everything. I woke up one morning and my heart just stopped aching, and in place of that hollow space in my chest I felt absolutely nothing. And I think that scared me and hurt me more than feeling that constant pang behind my rib cage. I had never been heartbroken before. I mean, sometimes when Sidney got with girls or he had his occasional girlfriend I thought my heart was broken, but that was really nothing compared to the past few weeks. Sometimes the pain was so bad I thought I would just be better off dead than having to live with myself feeling like that.

"Things won't be so bad," Sean tried to comfort me later that night. We were sitting around in the living room, he was playing NHL 09 and I was rubbing my temples.

"Yeah, okay," I scoffed, leaning back into the rocking chair I was sitting in and resting my hands on my stomach.

"At least your away from him," he said. "In a whole different country!" He grinned. I rolled my eyes, but I really was thankful for all of his help. "Well, until his birthday that is."

"What?" I snapped straight up in my seat.

"You should know about that," he said casually, continuing on with his stupid game. I got out of my seat and walked over to him quickly, tugging the controller out of his Play Station 3 and looking him dead in the eye. "What the fuck Ev?" He asked.

"What do you mean not till his birthday?" I pressed on.

"You should know about this!" He repeated. I glared and he sighed, going on with his story. "His birthday is also his day with the Cup. They're going crazy here, it's like, Sidney Crosby day or something," he shrugged. My breath hitched in my throat and I thought about crying for the first time in a while.

"What?" I asked meekly, the air drawn out of my lungs.

"I thought you knew," he half apologized.

"Of course I didn't know Sean!" I yelled. "I haven't talked to him properly since he won!"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Why the hell would you make me come home if you knew there was going to be an entire day dedicated to him coming up in a week?!" I screeched at my brother.

"Because I thought you knew!" He protested.

"Do you think if I knew I would come back?!" I asked him incredulously.

"Uh, yes?"

"You're an idiot," I told him, turning on my heel and walking back to my bedroom.

And just when I thought I could get away for a while, here I was stuck in the middle of my home town that practically worshiped the ground Sidney Crosby walked on. Coming back to Cole Harbor may have been the worst idea I had ever had.

"I cannot go to the ocean, I cannot drive the streets at night, I cannot wake up in the morning- without you on my mind."