Misery Insanity

I pasted myself. Back and forth... back and fourth... back and fourth...I didn’t want to know the results. I really didn’t. I felt horrible. Why wasn’t I thinking...? Why wasn’t I thinking!

“Fuck!” I yelled with a pound on the titled wall of our bathroom. More tears fell from my eyes as I heard Lawrence leave the house, irritated of my bitching all of a sudden.

“No no no!” I repeated with more sobs. I turned, awaiting the test. Stepping closer, without even picking it up, it read.

Positive

I was pregnant.

I walked back into the wall, and slid down the title until I hit the pile of dirty towels we kept separate from the clothes for easy washing. Tears fell down my face in an instant. I was carrying a demon. I knew it was Isaiah’s...I knew it was. I wanted to throw my insides up again, hoping the in-growing fetus would puke in the toilet with it.

“What am I gonna tell Isaiah...” I whispered to myself. Isaiah didn’t want kids so early, until after we were settled in a nice house rather than this crappy apartment. I knew he’d have no choice but to keep them, but knew with the limited money we had it would be hard to keep a child.

I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand, wishing we were careful. I didn’t know how many weeks... months I might be. I always had a small figure... and heard of ladies who didn’t gain weight during pregnancy, and had it full term so naive. Was I 9 months already? I and Isaiah have sex like rabbits. We were always flirty and it was hard, even for me, to not resist Isaiah. He smelled so wonderful, he was so sexy, and the way he whispered in my ear sent shivers up my spine.

Knock knock knock

“Go away”, I mumbled, sobbing still from the tears. The figure didn’t leave though. Standing, the shadows creeped under without a word.

...

Knock knock knock

“Go the fuck away!” I yelled again, throwing a balled up pair of socks at the door.

“Its Isaiah sweetie...” he said, just as depressed as I was. Shit.... What was I gonna tell him...

“Hey Isaiah, I’m eating for two now”, but he’ll think I’m fat...maybe.

“Isaiah, I’m Prego!”, but then he’ll think I’m talking about spaghetti and just laugh.

Fuck!

“I’m... busy...” I lied, trying to stand up from the pile, yet weak from the confusion. How the fuck could I be pregnant!?

“It’ll be moment”

I sighed, “I’m peeing Isaiah”

“Like I haven’t seen you naked before”

I pouted, wrapping the test in toilet paper before hiding it in a drawer, to show as proof later. I opened the door, trying to look as sad I can to hint I wanted to tell him something before I heard the sound of a gun trigger in position to fire. I gasped, at the site of Isaiah holding a gun a foot away from my head. I scattered to try and close the door before he stopped me faster than I could breathe.

“What’s up baby?” he said walking in. “Had a good day? How’s life?”

“What’s with the gun Isaiah...,” I said scared to the point my heart already felt shattered.

“What’s up with you? Wanna tell me how your life was while I was busting my ass for you in that damn prison trying to get better? Wanna tell me how you’ve been a slut at the club? Wanna tell me how good it felt to cheat on me with Charron?”

I gulped hard, stepping back as he pulled on my arm and yanked me out the bathroom and into the living room. He pushed me down the staircase onto the floor with a Thud, not really hurting me. I grabbed onto my stomach, hoping he didn’t harm what he’s created before looking at him, the gun still out.

“Well?” he demanded. “What now slut!? Outta words!?”

I was baffled. Did Charron tell him!? He wasn’t supposed to know!

“Well!” he yelled, storming towards me before his hand went in the air for a slap and stopped. Stopped when he saw me crying already, knowing he didn’t change. I sobbed, looking at him with guilt before his fingers curled into an angry fist.

“Bitch...”

I nodded, showing him the ring I still had on my hand. It sparkled in his eyes as he shook his head and started backing up, the gun shaking in his hand. “No...”

“Yes, I’m sorry Isaiah...”

“Liar...”

“I’m sorry...”

“Give me that ring”

I hesitated for a moment, thinking of what I was doing. I didn’t want Isaiah. What am I doing, showing him this ring and hesitating to give it to him? Was I sorry or did I really love him? Love the bastard who slapped me around for a year, loved the man who bruised me up, love the man who demanded my virginity. I hated him!

“Give me that ring!”

I shook up a bit, trying to move my body to give this bastard what he wanted before he lost patience.

“Give me that fuckin ring Lia!”

“I’m trying...”

“Not hard enough!” he yelled at the top of his voice. I started panting as I began tugging the ring off. His face was crying depression before out of the blue, I was struck.

...

I awaked, 3 hours later with Isaiah in a chair in front of me. Blood was dripping down my forehead with the pulsing of pain along with it. My body was in feudal position, and I could see the redness of where the ring was. Too small. He threw it back at me, hitting my head and landing at the tip of my skull. My fingers curled into a fist of tiredness.

“I’m Sorry...” he whispered as he dropped the blood covered gun next to me. The gun he hit me with. Not shot. I didn’t look at his face. Too scared to look at his face. Tears rushed out my eyes as I felt our baby crying with me, knowing it was hurting as well.

I heard Isaiah’s head drop as tears miserably leaked from his pupils and onto my face. I was right under him, hazily looking at his shoes.

“I thought... I killed you...” He mumbled, moving hair away from my face. My eyes were blood shot and rarely blinking. His soft hand caressed the strands away to reveal a thick cut in my head.

“You need stitches...” he informed me, lifting me from my underarms and onto my ass as more blood dripped onto the white carpet floor of our living room. There was a small puddle of my blood where my head laid, and the gun right next to me. Too tempting...

His arms wrapped around my shoulders and he kissed my head softly, acknowledging the taste of blood in my hair and realized what he did. He pulled me up on his lap and held me caringly, letting me soak his white shirt with my blood before kissing my lips softly.

No! I couldn’t let myself dig a hole in this world of confusion. I couldn’t let myself fall in love with Isaiah, again, and again. Even though his scent , skin, and smile tugged me back. I just couldn’t.

“I love you Lia...”

“Liar...”, I sighed under my breath.

“Honestly, I love you.”

“Honest my ass. You’re a bitch Isaiah. A coward. Just like your fuckin father”

He threw me off his lap, letting my already weakened body fly to the floor. I grabbed the carpet as he stood from his seat, easing over my body and grabbing me from my hair. He pulled my hair back and growled. “What did you say...”

“Like your fuckin father! You hit just to feel better about yourself. You punish as your way of love! This is isn’t love!”

He slapped me down, knocking bloody spit from my mouth before standing up. He started walking around the living room and into the kitchen.

“All the shit I do for you... clean your nasty panties... feed you food...give you shelter, let you waste my gas, provide you the love you deserve...”

I looked slightly up, at the gun with my blood covered on it. He continued pacing back and worth with lies. His hands thrown in the air and more and more of the most ridiculous things came out. “Love you deserve...” yeah. The love I had the first 6 months of our relationship. Asshole.

My hand trembled towards the gun as I grasped onto it. He didn’t bother looking, thinking I was still on the floor probably crying. I’m tired of people coming to my rescue, helping me out. I was tired of being the damsel in distress, and Tia or Evelynn coming to my rescue from something I should have gotten rid of a long time ago.

Click

Isaiah turned around, to see me standing with the gun in position towards him. Blood dripped from my face and down between my shaken legs.

“Oh put that down, you don’t know how to work a gun“, he said coming towards me before I aimed seriously.

“Don’t try me; I shot a deer once in the woods. 7 years old on a camping trip. Something you didn’t know about me huh?”

He glared at me, thinking I was a bluff and stepped more before I raised the gun up and fired through out room. Dogs barked outside and car alarms went off as ceiling parts fell around me before I aimed back at Isaiah. He backed up, falling to the floor and moving away.

"You said you wouldn't lay another hand on me! “ I yelled as I began panting with unsteady breathes. The gun still shook within the palm of my hand, my fingers throbbing on the trigger. I knew I was ready to shot, ready to kill this bastard.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please Lilly-boo, I love you!” Isaiah yelled as he scooted back into the wall. He was breathing just as heavy as i was, but more afraid of my own strength then I was.

"Say it like you mean it!"

"I love you"

“Liar!”

He gulped, slowly standing up and then laughing. I looked at him funny before he smirked at me.

“You won’t kill me...” he stated.

“Wanna bet?”

“Shot me then Lia! Go on, shoot me. I know how you are. You wouldn’t lay a hand on me. You’re passive. You need support to do half the things you want in life. So, go on” He opened his arms out like a bird, spreading his body for me. “Shot me...”

Tears fell from my eyes, my lips trembling slowly. I thought of Alissa, and how badly Isaiah always treated her. A whore she was... how he even disrespected her after she died. What would happen if I died? Does he even care!?

“Shot me!”

...

"Shot me bitch!"

“Shut up!”, I sobbed, looking at him coming closer. My stomach curled inward as the blood was drying up on my forehead slowly.

"Shot me Lia! What are you scared now what i've told you the facts? Cant stand up to Izzy now can you. Think you got balls? Real balls come with courage little lady, and thats something you dont have!"

I spit blood into his face, it oozing down his cheeks before he glared at me.

“Bitch!” he roared at me. His body flung towards me with an open punch before...

Bang Bang Bang!

Body drops

....

Police sirens and ambulances...

"Isaiah..."