Love Ever After

“We’re not meant to be, I don’t want to see you anymore.”
Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking liar.

Things’re getting too serious, I’m getting scared, and she would understand, of course she’d understand, but I’m so not ready to take the chance at anything more serious. Her mouth falls open and her hand pulls out of mine and my gaze hits the floor. Even now, right now, seconds after thewords lies spill from my mouth, I know they’re lies. Except I won’t take them back, I’m not brave enough and I’m so scared.

“Since when, Brian?”
Since you said you loved me and I said it back, last night, that’s when.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”
Stupid, stupid, stupid fucking liar!
“Okay, then,” she mumbles and the tears fill her gorgeous, brilliant blue eyes. Eyes that from here on out won’t shine for me anymore.

My own lying eyes won’t pick up from the floor; she’ll be able to tell the untruths obvious in them and I nod.

“I’ll get my things and be gone then,” she’s whispering and I clench my eyes shut, keeping the tears in. She’s crying harder now, I can feel it, I hear her sniffles and my heart shatters. I remember telling her forever ago that I would never hurt her.
Stupid fucking deceiving asshole.
She turns away from me and I hear her socked feet ascend the steps.

“I love you, Kaidynn,” I whisper to myself and wipe my eyes as I hear her first choked cry echo in our once shared room.

The memory hits me full force and I pull to the side of the road, my vision already hazy from the tears building up. Three days, it’s been three days, since I’ve felt her kiss, felt her touch, even seen her and I’m going crazy with misery.

I’m on my way to see her, to tell her I’m wrong though she already knows, to beg for another chance, but as the tears keep coming I’m losing confidence, thinking maybe there’s no point, Kaidynn’s never been one for forgiveness.

Then I hear it, the little voice that sounds like hers, softly it says, “Don’t give up. She loves you, remember?” And I know right then that I’m not going to give up, I’m going to make her mine again, make sure to never hear her cry again.

Pulling in a deep breath of air, air that smells like Kaidynn and her flowery perfume, I try and gather myself, regain some composure.

“Stop being a pussyfuck, go get your girl,” Kaidynn’s voice in true Kaidynn style whispers again and I pull onto the road, finally ready.

The trip that should take fifteen minutes takes six and a half and I’m outside of her and Molly’s apartment- the apartment she hasn’t stayed in for the last two months. Closing my eyes and bracing myself for complete and utter rejection, I open the door of the ‘69 Mustang, step one foot out, then change my mind and pull back in, slamming the door. Scared again.

I pull down the visor and look at myself in the mirror. Red-faced and tear streaks, what a way to present myself. I rub my hands roughly over my face before snapping the visor shut, opening the door, stepping out quickly and slamming it before I can give myself time to think. I close my eyes and take another deep breath then push the buzzer button.
It crackles to life.
No going back now…
Unless of course you make a run for it.

“Kai, it’s me, can we talk?”
I hear her make the noise she always makes in the back of her throat when she’s startled by something and then just the static of the machine.
“I’d rather not, Brian,” she’s trying to sound stern but after eight months with a person, you learn when they’re not being truthful to themselves.
“Please,” I’m already begging.

I hear muffled whispers from behind, knowing that Molly’s telling her not to even bother, calling me all sorts of names, and telling my Kaidynn that I’m a waste of time.
“Molly, fuck off. Kaidynn, please? Ten minutes. Ten minutes and I’ll leave you alone, forever, if that’s what you want.”

The static clicks off and I take a step back, watching her fourth story window and preparing myself.
“Don’t be a dickhead, Bri, be the guy she fell in love with,” my Kaidynn conscience speaks. And I nod, immediately feeling like a fuckhead, nodding to myself.
But then the door slams and she’s there, looking at me with wide eyes.

“Hi,” I whisper and restrain myself from pulling her body into mine.
“Ten minutes, Brian.”
I watch her eyes as she says this, noticing them soften and then harden, then semi-fill with tears.

“We’re perfect for each other. You calm me down, I make you happy again. We’re meant to be together and before you, I thought the whole idea of soul mates was fucking retarded, because if you work hard enough, you make any relationship work, but with you, I didn’t have to work, it just happened and it was perfect, it was amazing, and you can’t deny that, because I know you’re pissed at me,-” I inhale deeply, “but you can’t say that we weren’t incredible together. Our hands fit together like molds, our bodies match up perfectly, like mine was meant for yours and yours only, and we even think alike. Kaidynn, I was scared, I was terrified, I was so afraid that of the way we were evolving and getting more serious. Love is a big deal, I don’t do love. Or, I didn’t do love, but I’m already past that point, I’ve been past that point for the last seven months. Kaidynn, I love you, I’m sorry I got scared, but I love you.

“And you don’t have to take me back, but I want you to know that I’m not going to move on. There is no one else for me. There’s you and you only, I hope you know. I spent three whole days without you, longer than I ever want to again and it’s made me realize exactly how bad I need you, and now, now I’m here, and trust me baby, I’m not afraid to beg.”

Tears streak down her face and her wide blue eyes are connecting with mine and I take a step toward her and she meets me.

“Okay, Brian,” is mumbled against my lips and we’re back where we should’ve been, attached to each other, forever and for always.

I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after,
After the life we've been through 'cause I know there's no life after you.