Guilty Feet Have Got No Rhythm

Coffee. That’s what I needed, coffee. A nice, big, steaming mug of overpriced coffee that would give me a caffeine buzz and coffee breath, but I didn’t care. I needed caffeine, just like I needed a real excuse to get away from John.

Ever since The Breakup, John has been following me around and checking in on me at random times, most likely to make sure I hadn’t left or thrown myself out of the moving bus. He was constantly trailing me, always three steps behind Marco and Bruce.

So it came as no surprise when the moment I stepped off the bus, John was waiting for me. “So where’re we going?” he sang, quickening his pace so as to keep up.

“Sweet baby Jesus,” I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose. “We are not going anywhere. I am going to get coffee and a muffin. Can’t you just me alone?”

“See, I totally would, but a muffin sounds awesome right now, and I just couldn’t starve myself! I mean, I’m so skinny already, I can’t just put off eating anymore,” he smirked, offering me his arm. “C’mon, Holly, honor me with your presence.”

“John, please, please just let me have some time on my own,” I begged, turning to face him. “Please, John!”

“Sorry, no can do,” he shrugged. “So, Starbucks?”

We managed to find a Starbucks, and John gallantly offered to pay for my iced coffee and my muffin, as well as his own drink and food. With a grand flourish, he presented me with both my food and a seat, flashing his famous crooked smile.

“Now, you just sit here and look pretty while I go to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a flash,” he bowed as he walked off in the direction of the bathrooms. I sighed, slowly drinking my coffee with my head perched in my hand, the other carefully checking Perez Hilton off my phone.

A shadow fell over me, and I ignored it, assuming it was John. When the man cleared his throat, I glanced up, annoyed. “Will you just sit down and stop being so—Rian.”

Standing above me was none other than Rian Dawson, looking bashful as ever as he rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat.

“Hey, Holly, would you, um, would you mind if I, er, joined you?” he asked, shifting his eyes around. I stared up at him, speechless. He must have taken my dropped jaw as a ‘yes’, because he pulled out John’s seat and sat down, resting his head on his hands. “Look, I’ve been trying to talk to you for—”

“Get away from her!” John hissed, rushing over to our table. “Holly, grab your stuff, we’re leaving.”

“Dude, John, stop being a dick and just let me talk to her!” Rian argued, watching as John gathered up my coffee, muffin, and purse.

“Holly, c’mon,” John barked, stalking from the shop. I followed behind him wordlessly, still in shock.

“John, you can’t hide her from us forever,” Rian snapped, chasing after us. “I just need to—”

“To what? Apologize?” John spat, turning around on him. “Dude, you egged her! You and your jackass band! Do you know what you did to her nose? Do you know that she spent hours crying while her arms turned purple from the bruises? Or that Avery dumped her because Alex couldn’t even keep his own bitterness to himself? I warned you, Rian, I warned you and your bastard friends that if you so much as come within ten feet of her, I would bash your brains in!”

“Holly, look, I’m sorry,” Rian rushed, ignoring the murderous glare John was shooting him. “Alex shouldn’t have said those things, he shouldn’t have antagonized Avery. It was a mistake, and I know he feels bad—”

“Oh please,” John scoffed. “You and I both know he probably threw a party afterwards.”

“Okay, so he’s not sorry but I am! Look, we didn’t mean to egg you—”

“Oh, so the eggs magically flew from your hands to her body? How do you not mean to egg someone, Rian?” John barked, pushing Rian’s shoulders with his hands. “You better get away from her before I break your nose.”

When John realized Rian wasn’t going to be leaving anytime soon, John began attempting to pull me away. Rian followed, shouting apologies.

“I’m sorry, I really am. We took things too far, I admit that. I’m sorry about the eggs, I’m sorry about Alex, and I’m sorry about Avery. I’m sorry I didn’t apologize before hand, or even think to hear your side of the story, and I’m sorry I—”

“It’s okay,” I mumbled, causing both John and Rian to stop wrestling with each other.

“No, Holly, it’s not okay,” John argued, pushing Rian back and grabbing my face in his hands. “He hurt you, he harassed you, he made you cry.”

“Because of Alex and Zack,” I shrugged. “Look, I want to put this behind me, I want to forget everything and get through this tour as quickly as possible.”

“Holly—”

“I know you, Rian,” I continued, looking past John. “Don’t you remember the nights we would all spend? The night of the carnival? And the party where I met Melissa? The way you used to help me stumble around in those God forsaken heels? Rian, I know you only did it because Alex put you up to it.”

Rian hung his head in shame, and I glanced back at John. “Take me back? Please?”

With a final glare at Rian, John wrapped his arm around my shoulder and gently led me back to the car.

[&cut]

“He really was the sweetest,” I inform John as we lay in the grass near our buses. “Well, all of them. They were some of the best friends I have ever had, until I went and destroyed everything.”

“That still doesn’t give them any right to treat you that way,” John sighed, covering his face with his hand.

“Doesn’t it?” I flipped over to my side, watching him carefully.

“God no! Geez, Holly, what kind of childhood did you have where you think shit like that’s okay?”

“The kind of life where I spent more time on movie sets than I did at school, and where seeing my parents every so often was normal. Plus, splitting time between Hollywood, Autumn, and home—of which I have three—isn’t exactly my cup of tea,” I grunted. “My life wasn’t all peach cobbler and lovey-dovey mom moments.”

“First of all, my mom hates peach cobbler. Secondly, that’s really fucked up,” John sympathized.

“Why do you think I’m so fucked up?”

“You’re not, you’re just…confused,” John sighed as he punched my arm. “Look, it must have been really hard for you, but you came out of it perfectly normal!”

I gave him a long, hard look, before lowering my eyes. “I’m not normal. And I’m not saying that for attention. I have issues, John, and that’s why everything’s as bad as it is. That’s why Alex and Claudia and Avery and everyone else hates me.”

“Holly, if you would only just open your eyes, you would see that no one hates you!” John cried, sitting up to face me. “I mean, you walk by and everyone turns and looks at you! We have to set up your signing for a completely different time then when the bands are playing because otherwise no one would attend! And she may not act like it, but Claudia would give her life for yours, just the way you would. I mean, when you’re not around, all she does is gush about all the shit you used to do together, and how fun Fairgrove’s was for her.

“You may see yourself as this terrible monster, but when I look at you, I see a girl who has everything in the world, except the knowledge of how to be happy.”

He left me there, still reeling over what his said. I was so distracted, I didn’t even notice right away when he came to stand above me.

“Holly, can we talk?” he asked as he rubbed the back of his neck. I looked up, startled, lifting a hand to block the glare from the sun in my eyes. “Somewhere more private?”

“Of course,” I stammered, jumping to my feet and smiling eagerly at him. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned and left, without waiting for me to follow.