Guilty Feet Have Got No Rhythm

By two-thirty, Claudia was sitting behind her table, Bryan kneeling next to her and telling her something she obviously found amusing. Other people I assumed from bands had managed to make their way towards her booth, waving and shouting greetings to the happy couple.

I stepped behind the table and sat down, suddenly feeling awkward. Claudia was greeting the other band members, Bryan’s hand clasped firmly in hers while the table was swarmed with people attempting to buy t-shirts. I sat back, watching everything unfold before me.

Couples walked past, their hands intertwined, while fans with starry eyes and reddened faces gaped at the rock star filled crowds and stages. Boys and girls with dreams of standing on the stages filled the park, fogging the air with whispered excitement and screams of happiness. Laughter, screams, music—all of it clogged the air, drowning me in a world where I didn’t belong.

“Hey, Holly, there you are!” John smirked, jogging over to the booth. “I thought we were meeting by the Hurley stage!”

“Oh John, I’m sorry,” I groaned, covering my face with my hand. “We were swamped, and I completely spaced on telling you.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” he shrugged. “Anyways, so there’s a group of guys I want you to meet, but they go on in an hour and need to get all their shit together. How about I bring them over after they perform?”

“I guess, I mean, you’d have to ask Claudia as well,” I mumbled as I chewed my lower lip.

“Don’t worry, I know Lorry, and she’s fine with anything,” John chuckled. I looked towards the subject of our conversation, sullenly thinking, not everything.

“Sure, John, you can bring them over,” I agreed, sitting back in the chair.

“Great! You’re going to love them, they’re hilarious,” John laughed, leaning over the table. However, as John’s excitement rubbed off on me, I found myself with troubled thoughts and a sick feeling in my stomach.

I was bent over a tub of shirts when John brought them around. Face hidden by my hair, I was unable to see who John had delivered.

“C’mere and meet my friends,” John called, laughter prominent in his voice. Rolling my eyes, I stood up and brushed imaginary dirt from my hands. Turning around, I prepared myself for gasps of awe and dumbfounded boys. However, their reactions weren’t the only horrified ones.

“What the hell is this bitch doing here?” Jack Barakat snarled, crossing his arms over his chest. Next to him stood the man from earlier who had bumped into me, a ferocious glare masking his face, the man whom I now recognized as Rian Dawson.

“John, what the fuck?” Rian growled.

“Guys!” John gasped, staring at them like they had three heads.

“What are you doing here, you fucking slut?” Jack hissed, stepping closer. “Didn’t do enough damage before?”

My breath was caught in my throat as their insults echoed in my head. Red flushed across my face, burning my skin and causing me to break out in a terrified sweat followed by the chills. Words dug into my dry tongue while my feet froze to the ground, gluing me to face the firing squad.

“Hey, what are we all standing around here—Holly?” His face, his beautifully angelic face that used to be filled with laughter and happiness transformed into one of horror and hurt. Zack Merrick was staring at me with so much hurt that I could feel it hit me like a brick wall.

“You losers couldn’t even wait for me, huh?” someone shouted, their footsteps coming closer. Rian’s face turned towards the call before snapping back to me.

“Get out of here,” he growled, his voice dangerously low. “Now.”

“John? Where’s my surprise?” the person asked, stepping out of the shade and into my line of vision. He caught sight of everyone’s expressions, and instantly paused, hesitant. “What’s wrong, guys? Dude, Rian, who peed in your coffee?”

Three out of four scurried to block me from his vision while John had taken to glance at me, to the glaring three, to Alex, then back again. I could see his shadow, stretching around the wall of men to brush against my frozen feet.

“What are you guys hiding? C’mon, dudes, move!” he laughed, each syllable like a stab in the chest. Tears started to form while my skin itched with goose bumps. “Jack, move it! This isn’t funny! Just show me!”

“Alex, let’s go get something to drink,” Jack suggested, grabbing his arm and attempting to steer him away.

“Zack, you look like you’re going to pass out,” Alex teased, moving away from Jack to poke Zack in the cheek. “Are you…”

Our eyes connected, his jaw dropping and eyes growing wide. It seemed like an eternity, yet could only have been seconds. Without warning, I regained the ability to move, sprinting past him and heading for the busses, choking through sobs and heavy breaths. I made it to the bus in record time, slamming the door behind me and tossing myself onto my designated bunk.

I collapsed into a mess of tears and snot, burying my face into my pillow. Curling into a ball, I couldn’t stop shaking nor could I stop crying. I could hear someone enter the bus, their footsteps echoing off the thin carpet.

“Holly? Holly, what happened?” My curtain was ripped back as Claudia’s face appeared before me. “Are you alright?”

“Did you know?” I choked out, glaring at her through red stained eyes. “Did you know they—he’d—be here?”

“I don’t know what—”

“Did you know Alex would be here?”

She lowered her eyes, not looking at me. Another round of tears flooded in as a scream of anger tore from my mouth. “Holly, I knew you wouldn’t come if I had told you, and I needed you to be here!”

“Damn right I wouldn’t come!” I shouted, pulling myself free from the bunk. “How could you do this to me?”

“How could I do this to you?” Claudia screamed, pulling my arm so I would look at her. “Yes, I asked you to come even though I knew they would be here, but that is nothing compared to what you did! You slept with my boyfriend! You can’t yell at me and make me out to be the bad guy!”

“You don’t even know what happened that night,” I hissed as I narrowed my eyes and pulled my arm free.

“You’re right! I don’t know what happened that night! No one knows, do they? Not even Zack, not even Alex, not even me!”

“Let’s keep it that way,” I whispered, looking down at my feet. “I’m leaving.”

“Don’t you dare! You owe this to me,” Claudia shouted, stopping me once more. “Stop running away from your problems! God, you’re never going to see him, alright? I mean, do you honestly think they want to see you? Holly, you almost broke up the band! You practically killed Alex!”

“Shut up!” I screeched. “I know I did! Just shut UP!”

“I’m guess this is a bad time,” someone cleared their throat behind us, eyes wide and face terrified.

“GO AWAY!” Claudia and I screamed at the same time. The man let out a ‘meep’ of horror and threw himself through the doorway, terrified.

“You do not get to just leave me like this,” Claudia snarled. “You do not get to just panic and leave the second something stands in your way!”

“I’m not panicking! I’m thinking rationally and I’m rationally thinking that I should go!”

“Fine, go ahead! Just leave, like you always do! God, you’re such a coward!” Claudia threw her hands in the air and glared at me.

“I am not a coward,” I hissed. “Goodbye, Claudia! Next time you need a favor, go find some other slave to do it for you!”

“Go fall in a hole and die, you self absorbed whore!”

“Why don’t you go create another line of shitty band merch for your asshole boyfriend?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you!” Slamming the door behind me, I roughly pulled the strap to my purse further up my shoulder, cheeks red and breathing fire.

I stormed away from the buses, headed for a secluded section of the VIP department, pulling my phone from my bag and pressing two on my speed dial. It rang for two minutes before I could hear garbled nonsense and a familiar voice shouting in the background.

“Emma Williams’ phone, this is Ricky speaking.”

“Put her on the phone.”

“May I ask who is—”

“Just give her the goddamn phone, Ricky, it’s me!”

“Holly baby! How are you enjoying the bus? Didn’t I tell you it was fab-ulous? Gawd, I practically had to fight for it! Anyways, sweets, your mother can’t come to the phone right now, but trust me, she’s been dying to call you for a good ten hours by now. I mean, who knew they’d put someone through this much hell just for one silly photo?”

“Ricky, I need to talk to her!”

“Babydoll, what’s the matter? Don’t tell me you’re crying, because you know I’m going to have to invade that dirty little concert of yours and flail at whatever made you sad, and you know I don’t like exposing my new Prada shoes to unsanitary ground. Now, you tell me what is making my Hollywood upset.”

“He’s here, Ricky, he’s here,” I broke down, sobbing into the phone.

“Who?”

“Him, Ricky, him! Who else do you think?”

“Oh my god. Now way! He’s there? How did this happen? Did you grab him by the shoulders and ravish his body?”

“RICKY!”

“Babes, listen to me. I know what you’re thinking, and that dumb flight instinct of yours is kicking in right now. Don’t do it. Face the boy and tell him what really went down that night. The Holly I know doesn’t run from anything, except scorpions.”

“Ricky, I can’t…”

“Do you know who you are?”

“A coward?”

“No! You are Holly fucking Williams, heiress to the largest fortune in the world and the biggest badass around. You are a heartbreaker, and every boy’s dream girl. You don’t back down to anyone or anything, and you can make it through this and come out in one piece. Now, repeat after me; I’m Holly fucking Williams, badass heartbreaker who never makes mistakes and has every boy in the world groveling before my designer feet.”

“Rick…”

“Say it this instance, young lady, or I will take back all of the nice new designer clothes I had delivered to your apartment.”

“I’m Holly fucking Williams, badass heartbreaker who never makes mistakes and…”

“Finish it.”

“…and has every boy in the world groveling before my designer feet,” I grumbled, picking at a loose string on my shorts.

“Louder, babycakes.”

“Don’t make me, Ricky!”

“C’mon, sweetie, do it. Trust me, you’ll feel better!”

Taking a deep breath and checking to see who was around, I closed my eyes and shouted, “I’M HOLLY FUCKING WILLIAMS, BADASS HEARTBREAKER WHO NEVER MAKES MISTAKES AND HAS EVERY BOY IN THE WORLD GROVELING BEFORE MY DESIGNER FEET!”

“There we go! Now, do you feel better?”

“Surprisingly, yes. Thank you, Ricky. I owe you big time.”

“Don’t you worry, Hollywood. Now, march over to that boy and you come clean, alright? Tell him everything and then tie him to a bed and ravish him senseless.”

“I have to go, Rickster,” I lied, crossing my fingers. “Tell Mom to call me when she gets the chance, alright? Oh, and Ricky, feel free to use my store credit at Saks for those shoes you wanted, alright?”

“I love you!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Bye, Ricky.”

Hanging up my phone, I rested my head against my arms, still struggling not to cry. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t going to be able to make it through this summer in one piece, I was going to end up dead.

I reentered the bus at ten o’clock, tried and ready to collapse in my bunk. Claudia was seated at the kitchen table, her head in the palm of her hands and a phone staring her down. When she heard me, however, she glanced up, shocked.

“Let me guess,” she sighed, letting the shock melt from her face. “You’re here to collect your bags.”

“You’re not getting rid of me that quickly,” I yawned, moving towards the bunks. “You’re stuck with me until this blasted tour is over.”

“You’re kidding me, right? Like, this isn’t some sick joke, Holly,” Claudia warned, standing up and glaring at me. I turned towards her and pulled my own face, cocking my hip to the side and getting ready to let her have it.

“No, Claudia, I’m not kidding you, and I am staying but don’t even think it’s because of you or what you said,” I hissed.

“Don’t let your panties get in a twist,” she snapped, mimicking my actions. “I was just asking.”

“Well, don’t! I’m going to bed.” Turning around, I moved back to the bunks. As I crawled into the bunks, I could hear Claudia let out a quiet ‘whoop’ of happiness, and, against my better judgment, I smiled to myself.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I typed up one short, simple message to Ricky: I am Holly fucking Williams, badass heartbreaker who never makes mistakes and has every boy in the world groveling before my designer feet.