I Will Possess Your Heart

4 months later

I finally left the hospital after a solid month of very rarely leaving.

My parents and siblings told me if I didn’t leave soon, they were going to send me to a different type of hospital.

I went back to school. And I tried to live life the best I could without her. But everything felt dull at first. Like my life was when Dorothy’s life was in black in white in the beginning of the Wizard of Oz and I desperately wanted it to be back in color.

But as time grew, and Aubrey showed no signs of improvement, I began to move on. I certainly didn’t forget that the love of my life was in a fragile state and wasn’t around. But I began to accept it and maybe even move on.

I began to write again. I began to construct actual lyrics from these intense feelings and night terrors I’ve been having.

Oh, did I mention those? Ever since I stopped going to the hospital, I began having these terrible dreams. Well actually dream. It was the same one every time. I was there through the whole experience of what happened to Aubrey. And I as many times as I tried to stop what was happening or even turn away and not look, I couldn’t. All I could do was wake up. And sometimes that wasn’t even enough.

I went to a doctor to talk about my dreams. They gave me some kind of medicine. They did nothing, but I continued to take them and told the doctor the dreams stopped so I would stop having to see her. It worked.

The days and weeks continued. Spencer began to notice my depression. He began to bring to theses parties that were straight out of high school movies. There was the drinking and the drugs and the sex. And I happen to indulge into these. Mainly the girls, especially ones that looked like Aubrey. Most of the time, both of us were beyond drunk and didn’t know who the other were.

But there was this one party a month ago. Earlier that day I gone and seen Aubrey. After three months, nothing had improved. But seeing her alive got me higher than any drug or drink I could have at the party later. I had become addicted to this party lifestyle, so I knew I was going to this party later whether I wanted to or not.

The night at this party was different though. I didn’t get drunk. I watched the party. I watched this one girl. She was so beautiful; nothing on the level on Aubrey, but good looking on her own level. She came up to me later that evening.

“So I’ve seen you looking at me. When were you going to come over and talk to me?” she said with a smirk.

From that moment on, I knew I wanted to have more than just “getting over Aubrey" sex with this girl. And that moment changed my life.

Her name is Olivia. She has the most elegant voice I’ve ever heard. She has a body that even models would be envious of. She had this thing about her that reminded me of Aubrey and made me forget about her all in one simple move.

Olivia and I have been inseparatable ever since. She’s my girlfriend and I’m her boyfriend.
And I don’t know if having her in my life has necessarily made me actually happy. But she makes me think I’m happy or in love.

I’ve taken Olivia to see Aubrey. She knows everything about her, except that I love her. Olivia thought I was extremely brave and was proud of me. She’s the only person, besides Aubrey that’s ever said they’re proud of me. It made my heart melt.

Aubrey had begun to respond to some people’s voices, making noises and moving when either her mother or I began to talk to her. It made me happy, not only that she was improving, that I was the one helping her improve.

It has ben two weeks since then and Aubrey hasn’t improved.

But Olivia had been getting more and more serious. And so was my band. We got another guitarist. We were becoming something. Learning to write better songs and being better musicians.

I was becoming something.