I Will Possess Your Heart

Today I am visiting Aubrey.

Today I was going to tell her I have a girlfriend that I’m in love with.

Today I was going to say goodbye to her.

But I couldn’t bring myself to have the balls to do it.

I couldn’t tell her I was in love with another girl.

I couldn’t say goodbye.

My mother was driving me to the hospital; Olivia was going to pick me up in an hour or two.

I had sold my car for money to get us to Maryland. Plus it had too many bad memories now.

I was about to step out the car, when my mom called my name “Ry”

“What?”

“Don’t break her heart. It’s the last thing she needs. She loves you, maybe not the way you wanted her to, but she does. And I know you I think I’m clueless, and maybe I am, but I’m not blind.”

“But mom, I have Olivia. And I’m leaving. I don’t love her anymore.”

“I don’t think you can just stop loving someone. But ok.”

“Mom, need to do this. Not just for me, but for her. So when I leave, she can move one and love someone. And I’m not saying she loves me, I highly doubt she does. But I don’t want her to be hung up on me, revengeful of the fact that I left her. I need her not to hate me.”

“Well then stay and make her love you.”

“We both know I can’t do that. I have Olivia and I love her now. And I have to go to Maryland with the guys and do the right thing. Now, I have to go, I love you.”

She kissed my cheek, “I love you too.”

I walked through the door and through the main desk and onto the elevator and got off on the floor where I used to spend days on end.

As I walked by the nurses’ desk I heard someone say “Hello Stranger.”

I turned around to see the head nurse smirking. “Hi Joyce”

“Well where have you been for the past couple of months mister?”

“umm, I’ve been busy with the band and my girlfriend and school and stuff…”

“That’s just bullshit. I know you don’t care about school, I think you missed too much to graduate, staying here. And I guess your band is important, it being your future. And you have a girlfriend? What about Aubrey?”

“What about her?”

She just laughed. “Oh, and by the way, she’s moved. She’s in the rehabilitation wing.”

“Thank you.”

I turned around and headed back to the elevator. The whole time I was thinking “What the fuck did she mean by ‘What about Aubrey?’”

I walked to the desk and they told the room number, 369.

I walked down a maze of hallways and ended in her room. I didn’t even knock; I pulled the curtain back that went around her bed. She was resting, looked angelic.

I walked closer and sat down at her bed side. I didn’t want to wake her, but I only had an hour. I went over to her and kissed her forehead. She moved underneath my lips. I stepped back and she fluttered her eyes. She rubbed them and sat up. When she finally opened them, they widened, probably surprised to see me.

I could immediately tell she was not happy. I couldn’t tell if it was resentment or sadness though.

“Hey” I whispered

She didn’t answer me.

This time I looked in her eyes and spoke in a normal tone, “Hey”

“I heard you perfectly fine the first time; I was just choosing not to respond.”

“Oh well, ok. But can you decide to change your mind soon; I have to leave in an hour.”

“So you’re giving me time limits with you, even after you haven’t come here in months, or maybe even at all. Maybe my parents and the nurses were lying about you coming here for days straight. Maybe they were trying to make me feel better.”

“I did spend days, even weeks here. Every second I could be here, I was. Since the day you came here, I was in that room. But then things changed, and I stopped. I think I gave up hope somehow.”

“What changed? I know I didn’t because I was unconscious. What happened that made you stop wanting to be here?”

“It’s who…” I whispered

“OK! Then who? Who made you stop coming here.”

“Olivia”

“Who the fuck is that?”

I was shocked, Aubrey didn’t cuss.

“My girlfriend” I said looking at my feet.

“what?” she whispered

“My girlfriend” I said looking into eyes, but she was looking down now.

“I fucking heard you the first time. I just…”

“What? Can’t believe a girl can like me? Believe it or not, some girls look beyond the amount
muscles a boy has, you know. Some girls like that a guy can be there for you.”

“Well you obviously aren’t…”

It was silent. We were both angry.

“Where do you get all high and mighty from? You treated like crap. And now that I have someone else, who appreciates me, you get all pissy.”

“I never treated you like crap. I just never felt the same as you. And I could care less if you have a girlfriend. But the fact that you chose to spend the time with her rather than with me, that hurts. And if anyone here has a superiority complex, it’s you.”

“Me, and why is that?”

“Because you think, or thought, that just because you saved me from death, I love you. With all my heart. That I would finally love you like you loved me. And yes, I know that you love, or loved me. I’m not that stupid, I just really felt that way, I guess. I never thought you of you like that. Then after everything that happened with the accident, I thought you would be here and make it all better and then maybe I could love you like you love me. But I just guess not.”

“But, I was here.”

“But when something better came along you left.”

"I guess you’re right, because I am leaving.” I stood up; Aubrey was going to be here soon. I guess time passes by fast when you’re having your heart ripped apart by the girl you love.

“Good, leave, I don’t want you here when you’re like this. Come back when this douchebag is gone and my Ryan is back.”

“Well, funny thing is, both of us are going to Maryland to record an album with our band. So this is goodbye.” I waved and walked out the door, not waiting for a response or listening to her calling me back.

I walked to the elevator and I began to silently sob to myself. I wiped my final tears from my faces with the hem of sleeves.

As I walked through the lobby, I saw Olivia approaching. She looked beautiful, I needed that.

I walked up to her and grabbed her hands and gave a big, passionate kiss.

She smiled as we pulled away “Well hello to you too.”

“Hey” I said letting go of one hand leading her out the door.

“So you ready to go the airport?”

“I’ve never been more ready for anything else.”

And with that, we drove off into the sunset to the plane to my new life.