I'll Be Your Girl

I wake up early as usual, but I guess I was so tired last night that it takes me some time to adjust to my surroundings. As my brain finally comes into focus, I register that there’s a strong arm draped over my waist, and my back’s pressed into a solid chest. As my senses become sharper, I feel warm breath caressing the nape of my neck as Nick exhales, slow and steady. It’s such a comfortable feeling that I debate whether I should get up at all, but after a few moments I force myself to roll out from under his arm. If I break my routine, who says I’ll find the motivation to get back into it?

Glancing out the window, I smile to find that it’s snowing. Finally. I’ve been waiting for this since the start of winter; definitely my favourite thing about the season.

“Mmph, s’too cold to go jogging,” I hear Nick grumble, then turn and grin to see him propped up on one elbow, wiping a hand across his tired face.

“You don’t have to come with me,” I sigh, looking around for the bag I brought last night. “Have you seen my sweatpants anywhere?”

“You left your bag downstairs,” he groans, letting his head fall back on the pillow. “But you can’t be serious. It’s snowing out, Rem!”

“Even better,” I grin. “Does that mean you won’t mind if I just use yours?” I grab his grey pants off the floor, not bothered whether they’re actually clean or dirty. But Nick just groans again and drags himself out of bed.

“Get your own,” he grumbles, snatching his pants from me as he searches for a sweater. “I can’t believe I’m actually coming with you.”

I skip lightly downstairs to grab my things, changing out of my gross work clothes and into my off-white sweatpants and black long-sleeved shirt in the bathroom off the hallway. Nick meets me by the door and we step outside together, the cold hitting us hard. I feel a shiver run through my body and I look over to see that Nick’s got a regretful look on his face. “Come on,” I say before he can change his mind and walk back into the house. Nick huffs, creating a cloud of mist, and opens the side gate where Elvis is waiting excitedly, obviously as much in love with the snow as I am. We tread down the icy steps carefully then begin our way along the footpath. By this time the council trucks have already come around, clearing the snow from the streets so all that I can see right now is icy mush mixed with mud, which is no fun at all. Remembering that I passed a park the last time I went jogging around this area, I begin to head in that direction. The snow will be nicer there. Untouched.

We near the park and Elvis’ leash goes taut as he begins to run faster, trying to race out of Nick’s grip. Once we’ve crossed the road Nick lets him go and he sprints off, tongue dangling out of his mouth as he frolics in the snow. A bunch of birds fly out of their trees at the disruption, and I giggle at the dog. “He’s the cutest,” I tell Nick and the boy grins, nodding.

“Yeah, he’s great.”

I look down at my sneakers, which are already getting drenched by the snow. I kick at the icy mush, sending it spraying across the ground. Then I look up, getting an idea. “What’s he doing?” I say, pointing in the direction of the dog.

“What?” Nick asks, looking over and not even picking up on my little trick until a big clump of snow hits him in the back of the head. His shoulders hunch and he turns around slowly, a murderous look on his face. “Oh, you are so going to pay for that.” I shriek and begin to run away, but then I feel snowballs hitting me in my back and side, so I stoop to grab some more. Nick’s right behind me though, and it’s obvious that he didn’t expect me to stop as he collides right into me, sending us both sprawling in the snow. I’m laughing uncontrollably as I wipe a handful of snow in his face, which contorts with dislike. “Cold!” he whines.

Elvis runs over and begins barking, excited by all the action. I feel his wet, warm tongue run along my cheek before he pounces on Nick, who tussles with him in the snow. Thinking I’m safe I flop backwards, but find that I’m wrong when Nick grabs some more snow and pelts it at me. I squeal from the discomfort and go to retaliate, but Nick grabs my wrists to stop me. We wrestle for a few seconds, me pushing hard against him, but eventually I figure out that he’s too strong and resort to other tactics. “Okay, okay. You win!” I pant, and although he doesn’t let go of my wrists, he relaxes somewhat. I pounce on that opportunity, leaning in to fasten my teeth on his shoulder. He yelps and lets me go, giving me a horrified look as I pull away.

“I can’t believe you just bit me!” he exclaims, eyes wide.

“Only as a set up for this!” I quickly take advantage of his shocked hesitance and shove a handful of snow inside his sweater, across his bare stomach. He freaks out then, twisting and turning as he tries to get it away from his skin. I clutch my stomach with laughter, and honestly, I haven’t felt this high in ages.

So of course it has to be ruined. Typical. The universe is totally out to get me.

“Hi Nick,” a sickly sweet voice says from a car that’s parked right near us. I look over to see none other than Elise Summers - head cheerleader and chronic bitch - and a sour taste creeps into the back of my throat.

To my surprise, Nick smiles and sits up properly. The faint blush on his cheeks doesn’t escape my attention either. “Hey Elise. What’s up?” Wait… he knows her? He knows the girl that made the majority of my life miserable, apparently so well he can sit here and have a casual conversation with her. What the hell, Nick?

“I’m just heading to rehearsals,” she replies, flipping her hair in a way I’ve seen before. An obvious sign that she’s on the prowl for a guy. “Are you coming tonight?” My eyes flick to Nick’s face. He’s still smiling. That mutinous, lying traitor. I wrench my gaze away from the situation to focus on Elvis. I can’t even stand to watch anymore.

“Yeah,” I hear him confirm, and it takes all my willpower not to look, to keep scratching behind Elvis’ ears. “I’m looking forward to it.” And I repeat: what the hell?

“Great, I’ll see you there!” Elise chirps, and I begin to feel more tense at the cars revs up again. I wait until it disappears around the corner, then stare at Nick, who’s already looking guilty.

“What the hell.” This time I say it out loud, and then I’m on my feet, striding quickly across the park and back towards the Jonas household. Nick picks up Elvis’ leash and hurries after me.

“Remy, wait,” he calls out, running over and grabbing my arm.

I turn on him, fuming. “Elise Summers,” I state, and he seems to shrink away upon seeing my face. “You do know we hate each other, right?”

He glances down at the pavement. “Yeah.”

“Yet you’re total buddies. Are there any other awesome hot friends I don’t know about, Nick?” I ask, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Let me guess; you have movie nights with the whole cheerleading squad too, right?” Usually I wouldn’t react this way. I mean, I’m all for Nick having other friends, but Elise Summers? Plus inexplicably, the way he was smiling at her really bugs me. Almost like I feel jealous, or something. God, what is going on?

“It’s not like that,” Nick says quickly, his eyes begging me to listen. “Our mothers are friends. I- I’ve known her for years.”

My stomach drops, and I press my lips into a thin line as I stare at him. I don’t believe this; after everything he’s watched me go through, he was her pal the whole time? “Years?” I repeat, my voice going hoarse. Oh please, do not let me start crying. I haven’t cried in ages. I can’t break now. “And you never mentioned it? I mean, it would have been easy enough to say ‘by the way Remy, you’re my friend but I run with the bitches, too,’ but no. Why, Nick?”

He opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again as he debates what to say to me. “I was afraid,” he admits, finally. “Rem, she was so nice to me.”

“But you’ve seen what she’s done to me!” I cry out, my voice almost reaching a shout. Turning on my heel, I begin to walk again. Don’t cry Remy. Please, don’t cry.

“I know,” he says hurriedly as he catches up again, matching my stride. Elvis trots along with his tail between his legs, sensing that the mood has completely changed from the way it was ten minutes ago. “She was horrible to you, but I swear I’m not even close to her anymore. Our mothers just keep in touch a lot, and I was invited to her dance concert tonight.” Oh great, Nick gets to go and sit in front of a bunch of scantily clad, perfect girls shaking their asses for the world to see. I hate my life. I try to block the mental image from my mind as I speed up my pace. “I didn’t tell you back then because I knew you’d get angry, and you’d make me choose between you and her.”

At this, I come to a dead stop and glare at him. “You mean there was a possibility that you’d choose her?” I question, my voice barely a whisper. There’s an iciness there that I’ve never heard before, and it shocks both of us. Nick’s eyes widen slightly as he realises the impact of his words.

“I’d never choose her!” he says quickly, trying to assure me. “Not now, at least. But I was just so young back then, blind to her cruelty because, well… I mean, she--”

My shoulders tense up in a familiar way, like when I get really angry. “She was the prettiest girl you’d ever seen,” I say with dreaded realisation, thinking about the way Elise has always got boys’ attention because of her perfect teeth and glossy chocolate hair. “You loved her.”

So that was it. Nick had fallen for her just like every other male in this town. I’m used to being nothing while Elise is everything - it’s a fact I’ve learned to accept and not have a care about. But with Nick, it’s different. He’s always been my everything, even though I find it hard to express sometimes. Finding out that his mind was on Elise Summers this whole time, well… it kills me. I feel the hurt deep in my chest, pounding and thrashing about right behind my heart. I’ve just found out my best friend has never actually been my best friend.

“It’s not like that anymore,” Nick says, trying to look earnest as he steps towards me, reaching out a hand. But I flinch away, the pain of betrayal flashing in my eyes.

“She hurt me. My entire childhood was ruined because of her,” I choke. “And I was stupid enough to think that you were the one I could run to, no matter what. The one who’d always heal the pain.” He goes to speak, but my expression silences him immediately. “You lied to me, Nick.” I pause, searching his face. For what, I don’t know. “Who the fuck are you?” I spit out, really struggling to fight back tears now. Jesus, I have to get out of here.

The Jonas house is just a few down so I sprint the rest of the way, bursting through the door and running up to Nick’s room to grab my apron before returning to the front hallway where my bag is. “Hey Remy--” Joe begins, but stops when he sees the look on my face.

“Not now, Joe,” I whimper, gathering all my stuff into my arms before pushing back through the front door and past Nick, who’s putting Elvis back in the yard.

“Remy,” he tries but I ignore him, heading straight for my car. I get a glimpse of Joe standing in the open doorway and Nick staring at me from the footpath before I speed off, gritting my teeth to fight off the tears. By the time I reach home my eyes are watering, but nothing’s spilled over yet. I shut off the engine and lean my forehead against the steering wheel, taking deep, steadying breaths as I force myself to calm down.

A strange, torn sensation comes over me. I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself. A part that I had no right to claim as my own in the first place.

Nick, how could you?