I'll Be Your Girl

I hate my life.

“Faster, Rudolph! Hey-ho, noble steed!” Joe shrieks as I stumble down the busy Manhattan street, dragging him along in a ‘sleigh’ behind me. It’s no easy task, as the muscled freak weighs almost the same as a grown man. It doesn’t help that he’s also carrying a sack of presents and yeah, he’s wearing a Santa costume while I’ve been dressed up as a freaking reindeer. I catch the humoured glances from passers-by and try not to roll my eyes. This is going on YouTube after all, and I have to play the part right.

“Hang on,” Nick says with a frown as he pauses the camera recording and approaches me. Oh my beautiful boyfriend; you’re going to help me! My spirits begin to lift, but then crash straight to the pavement when his hand moves to the top of my head. “Your antlers are all crooked.” I glare as he readjusts my costume, smirking at the whole situation.

“You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?” I hiss.

He sends me a cheeky wink. “More than you can imagine.” Then he’s stepping back and the little red light on his camcorder blinks to life, signalling me to act like a happy reindeer again.

“Ho ho ho!” Joe bellows, flicking my reins. I surge forward again, feeling the sweat seeping into my furry uni-tard despite the cold air around me. Joe flings presents into the hands of random civilians as we move while Nick videotapes the whole thing, forever smirking behind the lens. I swear to everything that is holy, I will never ever enter into a bet with a Jonas again. Not even Frankie. Especially not Frankie.

I purse my lips as a trio of girls stop and get their cells out to take pictures, excited grins creeping onto their faces. Obviously Jonas fans. I resist the urge to flip them off and continue on my way until Joe yells “Halt!” I glance over my shoulder to see him beckoning to his fans, who yelp with joy and scurry over. “Hello hello!” he proclaims loudly. “Have you all been good girls this year?” He’s met with enthusiastic nods and he hands them presents before posing with each for a photo. “Who wants to ride Rudolph, then?”

What?

“Just kidding,” he laughs at my bewildered expression, which quickly turns murderous. He steps out of his sleigh (which is no more than a big wooden box painted red and white with wheels attached to the bottom) and prances over. “Only Santa gets to ride his reindeer.” And with that he leaps onto my back. In the split second that I buckle under his weight, I truly believe that I’m going to fall over and like, die. But then I find my feet and keep balancing, surprisingly managing to hold him.

“I - hate - you!” I whisper from beneath his weight, only making him laugh even more.

“Oh Rudolph, you hooligan!” he titters. “There’ll be no presents for you with an attitude like that! Now, to the Walmart!” He waves an arm in the direction of the nearest store, and I begin to stagger over, dragging the sleigh behind us. Nick and the fans follow, eager to find out Joe’s next move. He orders me down different aisles, picking up a plastic JONAS-themed bowl set, some cookies and a bottle of water. We then proceed to the counter where he purchases said items, then climbs off my back. “Rudolph needs a break,” he tells our onlookers, who have somehow grown in number since we’ve entered the store. “How’re you feeling, deer?” he coos, poking me in my red foam nose. I simply breathe an exasperated sigh, not even able to form words right now.

Joe rips open the plastic holding the bowls, then grins at the picture on it of himself and his brothers. “My, what handsome young gentlemen they are!” he remarks. “Especially that one.” And of course he points to himself. I cock an eyebrow as he sets the bowl on the floor and pours half the contents of the water bottle into it. Then he glances at me expectantly. “Well, aren’t you thirsty, Rudolph?” Oh God, I am so going to kill him after this. Repressing my humiliation, I sink onto all floors and lower my face to the bowl. Ugh, even the plastic Joe is smirking at me as I lap up the water with my tongue, just like an animal.

People begin to laugh and Nick crouches beside me to zoom in on the action. I feel my cheeks really begin to burn, and I consider the prospect of just dunking my whole face in the water to cool it down. “Drink up Rudolph, and you’ll get a cookie!” Joe jeers from above me. I take one last gulp then lean back to sit on my feet. I glance at Nick as I lick my lips, only to see his eyes widen subtly. Wait, I know that hungry look. Right, so now I can see why he enjoys seeing me in a reindeer costume. I send him a wink, and he visibly blushes. Ah, somehow this is suddenly worth the humiliation.

I stand back up and make puppy eyes at Joe. “Cookie?” He sends me a sly grin and shakes his head.

“I lied,” he giggles as he hides the pack behind him. “Reindeers can’t have human food; it’s bad for them.”

My lips quickly morph to a frown. “Joseph,” I mutter warningly, but the stubborn fool shakes his head again. “Fine, you’re going down!” I shriek, then pounce at him in all my antlered fury. He yelps and tries to escape but I tackle him to the floor, scrambling for the cookies. It’s a very serious battle as each of us wrestle for victory until we hear a girl cry out “Rip his shirt off!” and then both of us collapse into laughter. Turning around, I find that the shout came from a pretty register girl, who’s now bright red with embarrassment. Obviously she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Two presents for her,” I giggle, retrieving two wrapped packages from the sleigh and handing them over. She avoids eye contact but accepts them with a timid “thank you”. Joe, having been entirely humoured by the situation, grins at her as he hands me a cookie.

“I’m flattered,” he beams, and the girl’s blush deepens. “Want a cookie?”

She glances up at him, managing a cheeky smile. “Want my number?” she says in turn, and Joe’s jaw drops.

There’s a moment of hesitation, then he breathes out an enthusiastic “Yes!”

“I wonder if she knows what she’s getting herself into,” Nick quietly says in my ear as the cashier scribbles down her number and hands it over to Joe.

“Mm, there’s a good point,” I mutter thoughtfully. “You think I should warn her about the overall freakishness of the Jonas family?” Nick jabs me in the side.

“No wonder you fit with us so well.”

I turn to face him properly and poke my tongue out. His eyes squint slightly as he grins, teeth and all. Jeez, is there anything about this boy that I don’t find impossibly attractive? I get up on my tip-toes to give him a kiss, but scowl when the Rudolph nose gets in the way. He simply chuckles and pulls it off, leaning down to kiss me properly this time. I hear a collaboration of girls sighing ‘aww!’ and smile into the kiss. That’s right, ladies: my best friend turned into my boyfriend, and I wouldn’t take back one of the most hellish weeks of my life for anything else. I fell in love, had my heart broken (as well as my mother’s), then fell right back in love again. And the result?

Nicholas Jonas is all mine.