My Bestfriend And Beloved

I am nothing but a normal man. A business man of mediocre caliber. With a befitting salary, mediocre. Everything about me is mediocre, at least that is what I think . . . . . . . No, there is one thing I know, my beloved. I myself alone, claim her to be mine. She is DEFINITELY not of mediocrity.

When I see her smile, it brightens up my day, the way she giggles, the way she smiles and her eyes that sparkle like the reflection of the sun on water. They sparkle, she sparkles.

With a smile, to her, I spoke; "Where do you want to go?"

She turned towards me. "Anywhere!" she exclaimed with her eyes shut and she gave a smile that showed two rows of her teeth.

That is so like her, I thought. To go on a trip around the world, that was her dream. She was always the type of person who loves to be outdoors, but to not know where to go next. To just go where she want's to go and do what she wants to do. She never regretted anything, well, at least I think so. . . . . Wait, I KNOW so.

I turned to her as she gazes at an unknown object in front of her. "Do you remember this place?" she said with a gentle voice. It sounded happy, yet sad at the same time. I turned my sight to where she had been gazing at. Ah! I thought. It is not an object, yet a place.

We are childhood friends, and this is where we used to play. At the park. We have a lot of memories concerning this place. It was fun. Yet, the pained look on her face, no matter how much I look at that face, those eyes, I cannot help but imagine tears flowing down her face. She looked painfully sad, yet she never shed a tear. Sometimes, I feel like crying for her . . . . .
Yet, she would never forgive me if I did so.

She IS a very strong person. Yet, she is human and as we know it, humans are fragile. No matter how tough people act, something, something in this world is bound to hurt you. You are not immortal, and you can never be unbreakable, you are merely a human, breakable, fragile, naive. . .

What saddens me, is the fact that she wouldn't say a thing to me. I want to know what's wrong, but I cannot ask her something she doesn't want me to know. All I can do is watch in pain, and wait for her to be ready. I would listen to every single thing she wants to say, no matter how idiotic, no matter how small or useless it is. I would listen to EVERYTHING.

She moves closer and closer towards the slide that we always loved. With the same smile that had a trace of pain. I called out to her; "It's okay, let's go." She turned towards me and she then perked up. Even though she has that huge smile plastered on her face. I know she still feels sad, yet tries to forget about it and move on. I knew her since we where children, and I can say she has never changed, never. Even her eyes still look far, far away, it was as if she would leave me behind.

Closer towards her, I came. "Let's go."

"No silly, I'll go."

"Why so soon? Can't you stay longer?"

She smiled to me with gentle eyes and a sweet smile with the lips sealed together. "I know, that you know it, but I can't stay any longer. Don't be selfish. I'm doing this for you too. Now be good, and find a girlfriend. Forget about me, about us."

"but, but . . . . I can't.. . I . . . . "

"Please, for me." A pained look showed on her face as she spoke such painful lines.

"Okay, I understand." and then she disappeared before me like smoke.

I know, I said those words, and I promised. Yet, such a thing seems to be impossible to accomplish. How can I forget about you when I finally realize, after all these years. I love you, and you alone. My love, I could never touch you . . . .

Since the day you died. . . . .
I knew you can no longer be mine, it was impossible. I was an idiot for not realizing my feelings before I had lost the chance. I prayed to see you once more, and you did show yourself . . . . . .

Only to tell me goodbye. . . .

Before she had left, I quietly whispered. "I love you, I always will." She smiled after that. Though my voice was low and it was trembling, I know, she knows what I wanted to say all along. She knew about my feelings, that's why she came back to me, to say goodbye. Making sure not to hurt me, but in the end, I was still hurt. How stupid! I should smile for her, be a man.

I can't help but love you, my beloved.

When I gave her my confession. I know she said "something". I don't know if I'm wrong but, I really do believe she said; "Me too. I'll always love you."

Whether it is real or whether it wasn't. I know for sure, somewhere out there she will always be watching me. . .