In Gentle Hands

The way it was, was to be told by only her. She was the only one who knew the real story, although many versions had became of her night. It was her version, the unedited, pure story that was true. She told it like this:

I was getting ready when I heard the knock on my door, the sun was setting and the frost was settling on the dewy grass. I wrapped my knitted scarf around my neck and pulled my beanie down on my ashy hair. Mum stood in the doorway; she knew her whole life that I would never be like her. She smiled, putting her hand on my shoulder, my puffy black jacket puffing out air where her hand was.

“Have a good time, sweetheart.” She said. Earlier, we had fought over my choice in boys. She had thought my current boyfriend was totally out of what I should be aiming for in a man or boy as she had described him.

The horn beeped outside the house, seemingly impatient bursts of mechanical noise. I skipped outside the door, swinging it shut and locking the brass lock and peering inside the lifted curtains, mothers face was dull and sad, distant and blank.

The electric window of the night blue car rolled down, “Oi, Carly! Get in, it’s freezing out!!” Mike called impatiently.

I gallivanted towards the car, my feet trudging in the sleek ice. “Coming, Mikey!”

My dark denim jeans were the last to feel the improvement in the freezing temperatures; I shivered as the car heater sent warm, inviting temperatures. “Let’s go, eh? Ferris wheel here we come!”

He acted like a three year old, but I was sure, putting maximum faith in him, that he would have a deeper skin. Not the peeling outer layer of a bone-headed football team captain that he was. Or at least showed.

I put my cold hand over his, sitting on the gear stick. “Lets.”

*****

We pulled up to the fair, watching mothers hand out ten dollar bills to their children saying the default words, “Don’t spend it all at once!”

“Jason should be here, maybe.” I said, to no one in particular.

“You stay with me, I don’t want you flouncing around with him; you’re my bird.”

I sighed, no matter what rules of our relationship he bent and avoided and purposely forgot, I wasn’t allowed to break any. “Yes,” I laughed to myself, “Five year olds again.”

Kisses on the cheek, pink lemonade, fairy floss sticks, mums perfume, cowboys and Indians, teapot rides, bumper cars, pointless tears. Five year olds.

He grabbed my hand after I had gotten out of the car by myself. I ran on his heels, his legs stronger and stealthier than mine. “Wait up!” I called, a dragging figure lagged behind me. “I see Jason!”

“No.” he said sternly, turning around so quickly I would have been sure that he would be suffering whiplash tomorrow morning.

Defying his wishes, I called out to the boy behind me. “Jason! Hey, over here!”

He walked quickly to me, smiling widely, “Hey, girl. How’s it going?”

“Good, Mike is cranky at me for talking to you.”

A soft murmur came from deep inside his olive toned body, something incoherent, he shook his head and a sneer formed on his soft lips. “I wish you hadn’t chosen him, of all people who wanted you so badly, you picked… him.”

I softened to his tone, I knew he had been faithful to all my times in the dark, holding my head in his lap and humming a tune. “Sorry, Jase. I don’t know what to say, but I don’t know. I love you. I want him. They are two different things. I will soon though, very soon. I have to go, will I see you later?”

He looked at the soggy ground, the ice melting slowly under trampling feet and bright lights. “Yeah, hope so.”

A soft, small kiss was placed on my cheek, causing the cold blush to become a warm blush.

“Bye” I muttered.

*****

“Mikey!!” I called as I saw his blue team jumper in a group.

He turned around, a different look to any I had ever seen on him. “Come with me.”

He locked his stern fingers around my tiny wrist and tugged me along with him like a rag doll, “Mike, don’t! It hurts!”

“How about the Haunted House to get us started?” He said, flashing a gaze onto my big brown eyes.

“Okay…” I didn’t know how to say ‘no’ to him. One part was because I didn’t know how he would take it, and the second was much the same, doubting I would ever see him with the same feelings for me if I did.

“Two, please.” He said to the shady looking character behind the plastic panel.

“Have… fun!” He said, his ciggy sticking to his lips as he breathed a ring of ash into the air. Somehow, I had the feeling it wasn’t just tobacco.

The other man, whose hair looked matted as an unattended dog’s fur, opened the carriage for the two of us, letting us in and tearing our tickets with a swift, practiced move of his wrists.

“Thank you” I said in my sweet voice I used on strange people I didn’t know and didn’t want to.

“You’re welcome, lass.” He said, his Irish accent spilling like the smoke from his lips.

*****

“You know we’re all alone, only the fake ‘scares’ are here. Wanna make the best of it?”

This was the perfect moment to say no, but I was to small, shy, overpowered. “Okay…”

His lips crashed onto mine, separating my lips instantly and his tongue wormed its way into my mouth. His hands crept along the denim, feeling the tingles going up my spine, I was scared.

His hand was playing with the buckle and zip of my jeans, flicking it and teasing himself. I didn’t want this, I wanted to say no.

“No!” But of course I didn’t get to say it.

His hand slipped under my puffy jacket, his icy touch tingled my senses, my exposed skin as he felt his way.

This was a good time, to say no, but no, I didn’t.

His hand felt its way in the dark, like the power had gone out and there was no escaping the moonlit stares of his teddy bears. I recoiled; the touch of my cotton bra under his hand was the signal to say no. And this time, my common sense answered the 911 call.

“No!” I said firmly, or what sounded firm to me, but probably came out sounding seductive and willing to him. His hand continued, “No! Stop it, you asshole!”

“What’s wrong, Carly?” He said, bitterness in his voice, like I was a game and he was still running to kick the winning goal.

I clambered from beneath the steel bar. Tears edging in my eyes, I knew right then it was Jason I would run to.

“You, you aren’t the person I said ‘yes’ to. He was nice and caring and…” I stammered.

“Yeah, well he was faking it.” He sneered back.

*****

I eventually found my way through the maze, after following the miniature railway and accidently asking a few plastic skeletons for directions; I had managed my way out.

Jason stood over the ally way, throwing his hand of darts. He looked, at that moment, like a god.

“Jase!” I wailed, my voice sounded like a cat had been strangled.

His head flipped around to see me, standing like a lead weight. His body moved long before his gaze lifted from my face. I crumpled in his arms. Falling over myself, I wished then I had listened to the countless people who had warned me.

‘He has a past that makes first impressions last’ is what Jason had said about it. He was right. The bone-headed football team captain.

*****

“Ferris wheel?” He inquired, his voice caring and sympathetic.

I nodded, more tears fell. He reached for my hand, gripping my boned tightly and tugging me along. “Two, please.” He said to the same man as earlier, a freshly lit ciggy glowing proudly in his mouth.

“Have… fun.” He said, I cringed, he winked.

“Come on, Carl.” He tugged gently on my arm, “You’re in gentle hands now.”

“Burn me alive.” I murmured.

“What? Why? I love you.”

“Because if he sees me dying, a burnt body wont ever leave him.”

“I love you Carly, you are perfect, to me.” He kissed me cheek gently, his soft lips sticking to my milky skin.

“You wouldn’t believe how much I like those words right now!”

And after nearly ten years of playing five year olds, we kissed on the lips.