I Don't Mind if You Don't Mind

I was walking to school with Mikey, Frank following silently behind us, not looking where he was going, almost colliding with lamp posts several times, had I not grabbed him by the shoulders and steered him out of harm's way.

I was so fucking shattered. I had been awake literally all night long, worrying about meeting my internet best friend. I was scared and excited all at once. I'd been planning what I would say to him; how I would react. I tried hard to prepare myself, in case Frank wasn't who I'd hoped he would be. In case he was an enemy.

No one talked much on the way to school. Apart from Mikey, that is. He couldn't understand why me and Frank was so quiet, so awkward around each other. Maybe if he'd known that his brother and his best friend had shared a bed together, he would realize our situation and be a little less responsive. If he actually dared to talk to us again. I had no idea what Frank's sexuality was, but Mikey knew for sure that I was gay. I would pray to God that no dirty images creeped into his imagination if he ever found out me and Frank's little secret.

"Mikey, will you please just shut the fuck up?" I sighed. He had been talking, non-stop, for the past twenty minutes. Thank God that it was the time it took to get to school.

He stopped talking abruptly - everyone knows that a pissed off Gerard Way is not a good Gerard Way to hang out with. Although, I honestly don't know why people would want to hang out with me anyway. I drink too much; and I smoke too much. I sleep too little; and I care too little. But I did still have my small circle of friends. There was Mikey, Frank, and... God, I had no idea. Yeah, I'm so cool, hanging out with my nerdy little brother and his best mate.

We pushed through the school gates; fighting through crowds of people, teenagers, all struggling to go in different directions to their groups of friends. Our school was harshly stereotyped, everyone in their distinct gangs. If you stood in the middle of the field, you would be able to see Group One: Preps; or Abercrombie bitches as we liked to call them. Shallow slags, trying to turn anyone on in sight as they sat, carefully arranged into teasing positions on the grass, legs wide open, but knees tucked neatly together, as they gossiped, caked on foundation, and moaned about their 'disgusting' new hairstyles. Daddy should have spent a little more on them...

Next, there's Group Two: Jocks. Not far from those preppy barbies; just close enough to get a good look at their asses. Again, extremely shallow people; 'play-fighting' and comparing muscle sizes.

Group Three: Emos. Maybe I hate to call them Emos, because they're absolutely lovely people, but as I say, this school is stereotype paradise. They sit in a circle, chatting amongst themselves, looking up with the same glazed expressions, raising their eyebrows happily as Mikey and Frank scuttled off to join them, waving hasty goodbyes to me.

I looked around myself cautiously, for any sign of my internet Frankie, but no such luck. I sighed, exasperated, before making my way to my own little group. Group Four: Art Nerds. We were ignored by most people, which I took as a good thing. Better to be ignored and invisible than constantly picked on every single day. I sat down, smiling around at the small circle of people sitting around me: Will, Corey, Bert and Amy. We were pretty much just outcasts, to put it bluntly.

"Hey, guys." I smiled, as they all greeted me, "Take a lucky guess at who I'm meeting today?"

Amy gasped, "Shit, it's your mystery guy, isn't it?!"

"Yup." I grinned nervously.

"Excited?" Will laughed, ruffling my hair playfully, "Aw, Gerard, good luck."

Just then, my phone vibrated in my pocket, making me giggle. I pulled it out, checking the screen, to reveal a text message from Frank:

Hey, Gee :)
You have art before lunch, right?
Meet you in that empty art classroom.
Don't be scared.
I am too.
Frankie x

I smiled, my face getting hot. I touched my eyes, and much to my surprise, I had tears in my eyes. I was so afraid. I sighed. The worst fear is always the fear of the unknown. They sure got that fucking right. I've always had trouble with being accepted, and now that I was finally going to get to meet the guy that I was in love with, I was starting to feel slightly sick with fear.

I began to text back my shaky response:

Can't wait.
G <3

That was a total bloody lie. That sounded really shitty. It sounded like I didn't give a fuck about meeting him at all. Well, I did, I really honestly did. It was driving me crazy, this whole mad, twisted mess of love that I was in. Why was I suddenly so nervous, so afraid. On the internet, I felt amazing, I felt like I could totally be myself with this guy. I was in love with him, I shouldn't be afraid.

"Guys, I've got to get going, I'll be late for my first lesson." I muttered, "See you later."

"Good luck, Gerard!" They all called to me, as I slowly walked away and began to make my way to Biology. I tried to force a smile back at them, but all that happened was my mouth made an awkward line, making me look like Freddie Krueger from that movie we watched.

I was so fucking screwed.