The Federation

I lifted my fist to knock on the door. Then, I froze, my fist suspended inches from the slab of wood separating me from that imminent conversation I needed to force myself through. I couldn’t do this. Yes, I could. Wait, no, maybe not...Yes, I could. I’m Agent Asher Tallarico, daughter of Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, one of the top agents in the freaking Legion. Joan brags about me to her English counterparts. I just survived being engaged to a psycho. I am fearless and determined.

And I can’t fucking do this.

I swiveled on my heels and stepped briskly down the hall towards the elevator. I hadn’t spoken with Jimmy ever since he saved me from my irrevocable doom. And it looked like I still wouldn’t be speaking with him.

Order had finally been restored to the Legion. Today would be the first day that I wouldn’t be answering questions about my time with Carter. Other agents still offered their condolences, and I accepted them graciously, but I really hoped they would stop. Everyone kept going coo-coo, not for Cocoa Puffs, but over my hand that was merely a mask of purple now with yellow trim. Billy Idol, the head doctor at the Legion’s infirmary, told me that my hand sustained no permanent damage. He told me to keep an ice pack on it and hopefully the bruising would begin to fade within five days to a week. So, in normal disobedient fashion, I wrapped my hand in a bandage to hide the hideous purple it’d turned and pressed an ice pack against it for about five minutes every morning until I became impatient with it.

In appreciation for helping bring the Legion back to its dignified status, Joan allowed Joshua, his band mates, and all of the guards to go free. Joshua and I agreed to stay in contact with each other, since we’d become genuine friends over the past week. He planned on starting a serious band with the rest of the fractured remains of CompleteAnnihilation. Perhaps one day, they too would join the Legion.

Carter, meanwhile, in an ironic turn of events, was put on probation a la Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. He will be constantly tailed by a Legion agent and under constant surveillance until he begins to show signs of becoming sane. I hope he gets ran over by a semi.

I stopped just feet from the open elevator doors. Slowly, I turned and looked back at the door into Jimmy’s room. I needed to speak with Jimmy. I just didn’t know what to say once I did. We really hadn’t spoken since the situation in the elevator. I at least needed to thank him for saving my rear end. I didn’t deserve even that much from him. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad if he’d actually slapped me instead of comforted me.

I strode briskly back down the hallway. Not pausing to knock—knowing that I would certainly chicken out if I stopped my forward momentum—I pushed Jimmy’s door open and stepped into his room, really hoping I wouldn’t walk in on him changing or practicing Pilates in the nude.

Instead, I found him lying on his bed, his legs crossed neatly at the ankles as he stared without seeing up at the ceiling. His iPod docking station sat on his bedside table. My teeth clenched down on my bottom lip when I recognized one of my songs playing. He really was trying to make this as difficult as possible, wasn’t he?

“Oh, it’s you,” Jimmy said without much emotion when he raised his head and saw that it was I who stood just inside his bedroom door. Well, that sounds real welcoming.

I bit back a snarky remark and took a few steps forward into the room. “Yeah, um...I just came to thank you for rescuing my hind end when I really didn’t even deserve a glance from you in my direction.”

Jimmy just grunted. I nodded and turned to step back out, figuring I wasn’t going to get much of a conversation out of him, when Jimmy added, “I told you so, you know.”

“Yeah, because this is just what I fucking need,” I snapped, whirling back to look at him, lounging on his bed like the smug bastard he obviously still was. “I’ve come in here for a lecture from you about choosing my friends better and knowing who to trust. Because, obviously, I don’t feel like a total fuck-face right now. Obviously, I don’t feel guilty enough about this whole deal. And I obviously don’t realize that I’ve totally fucked up everything from the get-go.”

I was crying again. Damn it.

“Yeah, you are a fuck-face right now,” Jimmy said with a nod.

“Oh, I am? I wasn’t sure,” I snapped, swiping my cheeks sloppily with the back of my hand to smear the tears away. “Listen, Jimmy, I’m sorry about all of this, it’s all my fault, I’m a total fuck-face, and now I’m going to go drown in my sorrows. I hope you have a nice fucking day, and have fun being a total asshole, which has become pretty common for you lately.”

I turned away again, taking a few steps for the door. I had even reached for the doorknob, my fingers seconds away from clenching around it, when Jimmy’s arm came sweeping down out of nowhere, pushing my arm away from the door and simultaneously turning me and pulling me against his chest. I shoved feebly at his stomach with both hands, but soon stopped resisting when I realized all I wanted was a hug.

“I know, Asher,” Jimmy said quietly. “I know you’re sorry. And as for saving your defenseless ass, just call it compensation for all those asshole comments I’ve made to you over the past year or so.”

He pulled gently away from me, hooking a finger under my chin to lift my face upwards. He brushed the thumb of his free hand gently under my eyes, swiping away the pools of tears that had collected there. He steered me towards the other bed in the room and plopped me down on it before seating himself on his bed again.

“Why did you break up with me?” I asked a few minutes later.

“It’s kind of complicated,” Jimmy warned.

“What hasn’t been over the past year?” I answered. “Just tell me. Stop tip-toeing around the question.”

“It’s not only complicated, but a little silly once I begin to think about it,” Jimmy continued begrudgingly, picking at a stray string dangling from his jeans. “When we were dating, as I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep one night, this odd and irrational fear formed into being inside my head. I thought that if we continued to date, our passion for each other would die out. I sure as hell didn’t want that to happen because I’d never felt the same way about any girl like I did towards you. The thought of losing the flame in our relationship scared the shit out of me. And as I was on that same train of thought, that same dumb train of thought men often develop when allowed to think too hard, I decided breaking up would be the best thing to do...to preserve our flame, you know.”

“That is really dumb,” I agreed with a nervous little laugh. Jimmy raised his head and smiled slightly before focusing his attention back on that thread of his jeans. “And exactly where in this train of thought did you decide that being an ass would help the matter at all?”

“When I broke up with you, you were so upset and bitter about it,” Jimmy pointed out.

“Thanks for the reminder,” I mumbled. “And how did you expect I would react? With rainbows and butterflies with unicorns munching away on the meadow grasses?”

“No, but you seemed really, really upset and perturbed about the whole damn thing. I realized that I’d really screwed up then. I thought it was pretty much over between us, that you’d never take me back after I broke your heart, and so I just became the typical instinct-driven male and started being an ass to you to hide my fears and vulnerabilities,” Jimmy explained. “To make a long story short, it backfired hideously.”

“Well, I wouldn’t blame it all on you,” I sighed, bracing my palms against my knees to shove myself to my feet. I strode across the room and sat down next to Jimmy on his bed. “I’ve been a bit of a bitch to you as of late. You were right all along about Carter, and I simply refused to listen. He was practically brain-washing me, but I do not blame this solely on his manipulation. It’s my fault for trusting some new kid over an old friend.”

“Damn those newbies,” Jimmy agreed with a knowing nod of his head. “They always end up fucking everything all to hell.”

“I’m really sorry, Jimmy,” I said, resting my head on his shoulder and placing my hand gently on his knee. He rested his head on top of mine, and I realized how much I’d missed this sort of simple contact over the past year and three months. It was so easy to be around Jimmy—I’d nearly forgotten it.

“I’m sorry, too, Asher,” Jimmy replied, wrapping his arm lovingly around my waist. “Can you find it in your stone heart to forgive me?”

I laughed lightly, turning my head to press a kiss to Jimmy’s cheek. “If you can find it in your cast-iron one.”

“Ha, my heart’s more like a gummy bear,” Jimmy retorted. I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Is that what your mother told you when you were younger to make you shut up?”

“Talk like that more, and I’ll maybe forgo that forgiveness I was going to give you,” Jimmy warned.

“I don’t need anything from you.”

“Except for sex?” Jimmy asked hopefully.

I laughed again. “Jimmy, haven’t you learned? I’m like a cell phone. Nothing’s free until after nine or on weekends.”

“Asher, I sincerely, from the bottom of my gushy gummy-bear heart, forgive you,” Jimmy said, becoming serious again.

“And Jimmy, I sincerely, from the bottom of my gummy worm heart, offer you my forgiveness,” I replied.

“Ew, heartworm,” Jimmy said. I rolled my eyes.

“Welcome back, Jimmy.”

“Into your bed? Naked?”

“Jimmy!”

“Sorry. Gutter mind here. Please excuse me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, patting his knee before standing up. “It’s nice to not be fighting with you, Jimbo.”

And it really was.