Flip for Me

Gerard Way’s Point of View

“Why did you schedule this meeting today? You do understand that I'm not your actual therapist, correct?” Jessica asked.

“You are my therapist though! And oh fucking hell! I'm having these thoughts and I shouldn’t have these thoughts because they're horrible thoughts,” I rambled.

“What are the thoughts, Gerard?” she asked. She was probably getting tired of seeing me so much, but fuck; she helped me out in so many ways.

“I, um . . . I think Frank's. Well, I mean . . . look I think I fucking like him, all right?!” I screamed, jumping to my feet. I started pacing the room. “I don’t know what to do! I shouldn’t have those types of feelings! He's my enemy!”

“Gerard, sit down!” Jessica yelled, grabbing my shoulders and pulling me back to the chair. She pushed me down and I fell in the chair and hung my head. “All right,” she said, brushing her hair out of her face, “I don’t see what is wrong with you. So what? You have a crush. Gerard, it’s really not a big deal. And it’s not like Frank is some kind of baby killer—he's what a lot of people want and I think you'd have a pretty good chance with him. I've seen the way he looks at you at competition.” She smiled at me in a way that I couldn’t interpret.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked.

“I’m saying that you should go out with him! Have some sort of romantic or at least friendly relationship with Frank! Gerard, this man could do greatness to you,” she said enthusiastically.

I laughed, looking at her like she was the crazy one in this situation.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me. How can you picture the two of us going out? I hate him!” I said, still laughing.

“Gerard,” she told me in a motherly tone of voice, “you just told me that you liked him. You cannot go and say that you just outright hate him now. You feel something for Frank Iero. Whether you act on these feelings or not will be left up to you. However, I feel that you should take some time to get to know Frank. Gerard, I hate to say it to you since you’re so full of anger and hate, but Frank could very well be a person that you could end up falling in love with. You’ve only been able to see his exterior and how he acts on camera. I’ve met him in person a few times, and let me tell you; Frank is not the same guy when it’s just you and him. He completely transforms into a sweet and caring person and not as competitive as he puts off. He really seems like a sweet guy. He’s flamboyant, yeah, but at least you’ll know that he’ll try to keep up with his appearance in the future.” She smiled at me in a compassionate sort of way. Slowly, ounce by aching ounce, I took in what she was saying.

“I’ll think about it,” I said, glaring at her. I couldn’t let her know that she was, or at least seemed right. I couldn’t let her know that I did want to go out with him. Hell, I didn’t even want to admit it to myself, but I guess it’s always been there. I’ve always felt some kind of odd attraction to Frank, but I’ve buried it deep down so that I completely forgot about it. I remember thinking he was attractive when I first saw him at a competition and then when he won, it’s like he turned into this giant ugly monster of a being that I wanted nothing to do with and yet everything to do with.

I quit thinking about it; I felt like my brain was going to explode soon if I didn’t stop. I was tempted to ask Jessica what I should do to get closer to Frank and not snap him like a twig in the process, but I didn’t dare. I knew her well and she’d smile and mock me, even though she’d only be joking. She liked to do that, mostly to see if I’ve really progressed in the sessions and that I’m not just lying my ass off like I did the first two months.

I cleared my throat and stood up, reaching to shake Jessica’s hand.

“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice,” I said professionally. “And I’m also sorry for the outburst. I think I’m going to go home and think on this some more.”

“All right Gerard. Try not to wear yourself out over it,” she told me before I left. I gave her one last smile before I left. Once I was in my car, I called Patrick immediately.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Patrick, hey, um . . . hypothetically speaking, of course, but how would you feel if I had some sort of crush type thing on Frank?” I asked awkwardly.

“Gerard . . . I don’t think you’re being hypothetical in this situation,” he said.

“What?! Of course I am!” I said, trying my best to stand my ground.

“Before I say anything else, let me get this straight; this is Frank Iero we’re talking about, right? The guy you’ve hated for god knows how long?” he asked.

“Uh . . . yeah,” I said quietly.

“Gerard, to prevent the risk of your spontaneous combustion, I am going to hang up the phone now. I want you to go home, take some medicine, get some sleep, and call me when you’re feeling better. Better yet, check yourself into a hospital. There is something completely wrong with that statement and I think you have a severe mental illness.”

“Patrick, shut up,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I don’t have a mental illness and I’m not sick. I wouldn’t have called you if I hadn’t have been serious.”

“Gerard, you wouldn’t have been able to say that, even hypothetically speaking, if you hadn’t been serious. You would’ve stabbed yourself in the mouth repeatedly and then washed it out with soap if I had even uttered the words in a joking manner.”

He did have a point. I’m overdramatic, so I think I would’ve done just that and possibly more . . .

“Yeah . . . well . . . that’s true and all, but I still need some help as to what I do about all of this.”

“You bury that shit deep and you think about beating his ass in Finals, that’s what you do,” Patrick told me, remaining unhelpful.

“Patrick!” I whined. “I’m serious here. I need to know what to do about all of this! It’s been buried for long enough!”

“Whoa . . . Gerard, let’s take a few fuckin’ steps back, all right? What the hell do you mean it’s been buried long enough?” he asked, sounding surprised and pissed off at the same time.

I sighed loudly and ended the call, ignoring his tries to call me back. I drove home, feeling like an utter wreck and curled up in my bed. How would I react the next time I saw him? Or after that? What I just decided to maul him randomly in front of millions? That would make me look so horrible and even more unprofessional, which is something I do not need. I need intensive therapy and I need it pronto.