I'll Tear Down the Stars for You

The rain had seeped through my white shirt which had now stuck to my shivering body, but I didn’t bother to do anything about it. I just stood and stared at the house in front of me as if I hadn’t seen it before. But I had. I used to live in that house. But why am I here? Why the hell am I stood outside Tom Kaulitz’s house in the pouring rain? Why aren’t I turning around and walking back to my house where it is warm?

Because Mark is a complete, utter jerk.

But why here?

Because I’m not over myself and I can’t find it in me to move on.

And why is that.?

Because I still like him. I don’t know what it is. He’s a big ass jerk, but I still like him. I do like the bad boys... No. I don’t. Sort of. But that’s beside the point. I’m not allowed to like people who breaks girls hearts like—

“Ebony?” I looked up after realising that I had subconsciously wandered into the middle of the road. “What are you doing here? It’s raining out. Oh honey look at you!” Freddy ran over to me and pulled me onto the kerb to stand with her and Bill. “Sweetie, why are you here? Where’s your brolly?” I didn’t say anything. I just stared into her eyes with no emotion and nothing to say back.

“Ebony you’re shivering,” I shrugged as I looked over at Bill, his hair down and dripping from the rain already. “Why aren’t you at home in the dry?” again, I shrugged my shoulders.

“Things. Things. W. Went. Off,” my teeth were clattering together too much for me to say anything in a complete sentence.

“Like what?”

“Just. Stuff,” I hissed. Sort off.

“Sweetie you’re going to get ill. Go on inside and keep warm,” I widened my eyes at Freddy. Inside? Is she crazy? “I’m not crazy,” so she can read minds too. “You need to warm up. Go inside, sit in the living room and warm up. We’ll give you a lift back when we come back from the store, okay?”

“But. Tom?” I moved my eyes away from looking at Bill and Freddy and stared at the ground instead, watching as the raindrops hit the pavement.

“He won’t know you’re there. He’s up in his bedroom working on some guitar riffs. Put the TV on if you want, he won’t hear it. Trust me,” and with that, Bill and Freddy walked back to Bill’s car, and in a blink of an eye, they were in the car and reversing onto the road, giving me a quick wave before they were out of sight.

I looked back at the house and sighed. Should I head back home, or go inside? Walk in the rain for another 15 minutes, or go inside and get warm till Bill and Freddy get back? It would be nice to catch up with them again later on, and I need to apologize to Bill for shouting at him the other day. But I also need to get back to Mark.

Wait. No I don’t. He hasn’t rung me to see where I am, and I’m supposed to be mad at him, so why should I go back to him now? He can go a few more hours without me.

With a deep sigh, I slowly edged towards the house until I was standing before the front door. Do I knock or just enter? Shrugging, I slowly opened the front door, praying to God that it wouldn’t creak.

It didn’t.

I breathed in the scent that wafted around the hallway as I closed the door shut. It smelt of cinnamon and cigarettes. Just like Tom. It’s a shame he started smoking again, but I don’t blame him. He’s stressed and he doesn’t have to worry about the children suffering from second-hand smoking anymore.

Without slipping my shoes off, I walked into the living room, gasping as I saw several photos of Tom and I in photo frames dotted around the room.

There was three on top of the TV; one from when we were first dating, one of when me, Megan and Tom when I was pregnant with Robbie, and in the middle of them was me and Tom standing at the altar. On the wall beside the TV was a big family photo; me and Tom sat on a chair, Megan stood behind us, Robbie sat in front of us, Hailey in my arms and Emily in Tom’s. I turned around to see a photo of Tom and I from when I was in the early of ages of being pregnant with Robbie. We were sat on a field, my head on top of his shoulder and Tom’s arm around my waist, my left hand was cupped inside of Tom’s right hand which was placed on top of his right thigh. Tom had his eyes closed as he kissed the top of my head, a wide grin on my face. I remember Gustav taking that picture, and it was my most favourite picture after the last day.

I gasped as I realised that they were still up on the wall. I couldn’t figure out if it was creepy or not; we are no longer married and yet he still has pictures of our relationship in his living room. I guess Bill’s right when he says that Tom still loves me.

I walked towards the three-seated sofa and grabbed the remote control as I sat down, turning the TV on to whatever channel it had been left on. I flinched as I heard movement upstairs, turning the sound down on the TV. What if he came downstairs? Shit.

The creaking on the floorboards were heard for a few more minutes until they disappeared. I sighed out in relief until I heard the same footsteps on the stairs. Shit, shit, shit.

I looked around the living room for a place to hide, but there was nowhere for me to go. I stared at the TV in pure fear. I’m going to face Tom. What is he going to think when he sees me sat here with a see-through top on?

And as if on cue, he entered the living room, stopping still as his eyes landing on my small frame.

“W. What are you doing here? Not that I mind or anything, but why?” I just sat on the sofa and stared at the TV screen until I decided to look up at Tom.

Big mistake.

He was stood in the doorway of the living room in only his pants (and boxers of course. Damn), his cornrows hanging loosely off of his shoulders. I couldn’t help but trail my eyes from his tanned face to his chest and across his toned abs, slowly moving back up his tender body.

And without a warning, my lips began to tremble as I locked eyes with his, tears slowly running down my cheeks like acid burning my skin.

“Ebony what’s wrong?” Tom slowly walked towards the sofa and sat beside me, placing his right hand softly on my shoulder. “Ebs you’re soaking wet. Let me get you a fresh shirt,” and with that, he stood up and left the room, leaving me to tremble in my own thoughts.

I had no idea where this had come from. I was fine, and then the next minute, I’m in tears. As soon as I meet Tom’s gaze, I’m crying. I felt slightly ashamed of myself. I hate crying. Especially in front of people, no matter who it is. And over what? I have no idea myself. I don’t even know why I’m here. I just am.

“Here you go,” I watched as Tom waltzed towards me with a large, plain white shirt. I stared at him, and as if he knew what I was asking, he nodded and turned around so I could change into his shirt that he had ever so kindly handed me.

“Tom?” I sniffed.

“Yeah?”

“I’m stuck,” I stood in the middle of the Tom’s living room with my arms up in the air with my wet shirt clicking to my head, my black bra in full view for Tom.

In a matter of seconds, I felt rough hands grace my shivering skin as the shirt was pulled off my body and the new one thrown onto me, making it seem like I was wearing a dress... with jeans.

“Thanks,” I whispered, looking away from his gaze as he chuckled at my now reddening cheeks.

“You never said why you’re here,” I sat back down on the sofa along with Tom.

“I don’t know myself,” I wiped my eyes with finger tips and ran my fingers through my wet hair. I bet I look a right sight.

“So you just turned up here in the rain for no reason?” he quirked his eyebrow up at me. A giggle escaped my lips, causing a smile to spread across Tom’s face.

“Not quite. Stuff went off and I needed to escape the house for a little bit, so I did and I ended up here. I don’t remember walking here, but I obviously did. I bumped into Bill and Freddy and they told me to wait inside until they got back from the grocery store so that they could take me back home,” I shrugged, taking my eyes away from Tom’s.

“Bill told me that you had a go at him for the phone call the other day,” I looked up at Tom to see a slight blush on his cheeks. Wait. Tom Kaulitz? Blushing? No. Yes.

“Yeah. It made things a little difficult,” I sighed.

“How so?” I could’ve sword I saw Tom’s face move closer to mine, but I told myself I only imagined it.Because that’s what I wanted to have happened.

I shrugged. “Mark proposed to me after the phone call and I didn’t know what to say back. My answer would’ve been a Yes if it wasn’t for the phone call,” a grin spread across Tom’s face. He’s happy I didn’t say yes ... so am I. “I’m trying to move on from the past though and I would’ve thought that getting married to someone else would help me do that,” Tom turned his face away from looking at me. Were. Were those tears in his eyes? Shrugging, I carried on talking. He asked, and he’s going to get the answer. “He begged me. No wait, he tried to force an answer out of me today, but I still said I didn’t know,” I looked at Tom to see him leaning his arms on his knees as he leaned forward, his head down as he looked at the floor. “I don’t know if I can actually marry him because there’s a huge burden in the way, and I can’t seem to keep away from it,” Tom looked up at me with a confused look on his face, but soon turned his head away from me as a tear fell.

It fell deadly silent. The only noises made were the sniffing of our nose and the deep breathing from Tom. It wasn’t an awkward silence or anything, but I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the thought of being in the same room as Tom Kaulitz, the man who I love more than the man I am with now, and telling him that I want to move on from him. What the hell? It makes no sense.

“Here,” Tom looked up at me as I removed his shirt and handed it back to him, slipping back on my damp top which instantly stuck to me like glue. I stood up and began walking out of the living room when a hand grabbed my arm and spun me around to face them again.

“I don’t get it. What’s stopping you from saying yes if you’ve moved on from the past?” I blinked at him before whispering;

“You,” I pulled my arm out from his grasp, turning on my heel and walking out his house and into the rain.