Denying the Inevitable

After trying to get a hold of Luke all day I had given up and gone out with Shannon and Courtney; two of my closest friends from high school. We had been at Charlie’s, a local pub, for most of the night just catching up and having a good time. Actually...they were having a good time. I was miserable.

“Another round!” I shouted at the waitress who had been serving us all night, but she didn't seem to hear me as she bustled into the kitchen. I huffed as I slid off of the rather high chair and onto my feet; stumbling slightly as I did so.

“It’s okay Brooke. Just wait for her to come around again.”

“Shannon!” I exclaimed. “That could be like...ten more fucking minutes. I do not want to wait forever for another drink. And look!” I shouted as I pointed to Courtney’s now empty martini glass. “Courtney is thirsty, aren’t you Courtney?”

“I..”

“See?!” I told Shannon, cutting Courtney off. “I’ll be right back.” With that I made my way through the sea of bodies towards the bar. With the effects of the alcohol kicking in I was finding it extremely hard to make my feet go where my head wanted them to, but I finally approached the bar and grinned at Liv; the bartender. I knew Liv from high school. She was the same age as Luke and hung around with his group of friends so we had seen a lot of each other during those few years.

“Liv! I want two..”

“Brooke, you’ve had enough for the night don't you think?” She told me.

“No. Ten more Cosmos...then I’ve had enough.” I told her matter of factly. “Give me two Green Apple Martinis and a..”

“Sweetheart you need to slow it down. Have a glass of water and then I’ll send Kara over with another Cosmo for you.” She told me as she began to pour me a glass of water.

“Jesus Christ Livia! I don't want any fucking water.” I shouted at her. Her eyes rose from the glass of water she was tending to and set on me momentarily.

“Alright Brooke.” She stated as she went to work on the three drinks.

Who the hell did she think she was to tell me to slow it down? If anything I needed to pick it up. I needed to get Luke out of my head. I needed to forget that I had let Luke break down the walls I had put up to protect myself from him. I needed to forget that I had slept with him last night. I needed to forget how much I enjoyed being with him again, but most of all...I needed to stop thinking about how much I wanted it to happen again.

Call me crazy, but I thought he had changed. These last couple of months he had been telling me that he was different; that he knew he had made mistakes. I had heard him tell me how much of a moron he was time and time again, and I believed him. I guess the only idiot in this whole situation is me. I'm the one who has something really good with Nathan. I'm the one who was able to go on with life and tuck Luke Schenn into the back of my mind. I'm the one who let him back into my life. I'm the one who allowed him to become the most important thing in my life yet again. Luke isn’t the moron in all of this...I am.

I so badly wanted him to be different that I let my heart cloud my mind. I knew better. Honestly, I did. I knew that he was the same Luke Schenn that he was when he was eighteen but I wanted him to be my dream guy. I guess that's one dream that was too good to be true.

Liv set the three drinks in front of me on the bar. “Thanks.” I told her as I set a twenty dollar bill on the cold marble counter top. “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

I picked up the glasses as carefully made my way back to our table. I set the drinks down in front of their respective owners and went to work on mine. Liquid therapy. That's all I needed. It would make everything better...for tonight at least.
---
I stood in the middle of the dance floor straining to figure out which direction to go to get to the bar. I rubbed my eyes hoping to correct my blurred vision, but that didn't work at all. Shannon and Courtney had left a while ago and now I was here on my own. I glanced at my watch and had to strain to focus on the hands. 1:55. Shit! I only had five more minutes before last call was over. I whirled around and began to hurry in the direction I hoped would take me to the alcohol but I was brought up solid against a hard chest. I grumbled in dissatisfaction. “Why don't you watch where you're fucking going?” I muttered.

“Why don't you stop being such a bitch?” My eyes darted upwards as I heard Brayden’s voice. “Let’s go home Brooke.” He demanded as he grasped my upper arm.

“NO!” I shouted, pulling myself from his grip. “I'm having one more drink.” I informed him and then tried to step around him but he wasn’t having it. His hands latched onto my waist forcefully.

“No you're not. You're cut off.”

“I'm cut off?!” I exclaimed with a laugh. “That's a mistake. I'm not cut off. Get out of my way.” I demanded.

“You're cut off. Liv called me to come get you.” He informed me.

“She what?!” I slurred. “That bitch!” I shouted as I managed to get myself away from Brayden and storm towards the bar. “LIVIA!” I yelled. “Who the fuck do you think you are?!”

“Brooklyn!” Brayden warned as he came up behind me and grasped my wrist.

“Brooklyn go home. Sleep it off.” Liv offered.

“I don't need to sleep anything off! I'm perfectly fine. You’re the one with the fucking problem.”

“Oh really? I'm the one with the problem but you're the one that’s drunk off your ass, causing a scene and making yourself look like an idiot.”

“Well at least I'm not the one that got pregnant, had an abortion because she didn't know who her baby daddy was, flunked out of school and has to work in a fucking dump like this to survive.” I spat at her before I had a chance to think.

“That's enough!” Brayden screamed as he grabbed me and flung me over his shoulder. “I'm so sorry Liv.” He told her before turning and heading towards the door.

“Brayden! BRAYDEN! Put me down!”

“Shut up Brooklyn.” He shouted angrily and I did as I was told. Brayden never yelled at me very often and when he did it ripped right through me. He opened the passenger side door of his mom’s Caravan and strapped me into the seat.

The whole ride I sat quietly staring out the window. When we pulled into the driveway of his house I began to panic. “NO! No, no, no, no NOOO! Please take me to my mom’s Bray, please!” I begged.

“He’s not here.” He answered monotonously. My head snapped towards my best friend. Where was he? It was after two in the morning. If he wasn’t home then where the hell was he? “I don't know where he is. He’s been gone all day.” He told me as if he could read my mind. “Come on. Let’s get you inside.” He stated as he helped me from the van and helped me up towards the house.

After quietly making our way up the stairs to his bedroom he pulled out some pyjama pants and a Brandon Wheat Kings t-shirt for me to put on. “Here.” He told me as he handed them over. “You smell like booze.” A slight grin spread across his lips.

“Don't make fun of me.” I demanded as I pulled my jeans from my legs.

“Jesus Brooke!” He exclaimed. “At least wait until I'm out of the room before you start taking your clothes off!”

“Oh shut up Bray! It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” I reasoned as I pulled my sweater over my head.

“Uhm, yah. When we were kids. It’s not exactly the same Brooke.” I shrugged it off as I pulled the large shirt over my head.

“Problem solved.” I told him as I collapsed onto his bed staring up at the star covered ceiling. Despite the countless drinks I had had, there were a million things going on in my head. As Luke’s face filled my mind I could feel my eyes well up with tears. My hands quickly flew up to cover my face as I began to sob.

“Brooke!” Brayden’s alarmed voice called as he quickly was at my side on the bed. He and Luke always had the same reaction to my tears. They rushed to my side and pulled me into their arms tightly as if that would make everything better. The truth of it was that it always did make everything better. This time, however, I highly doubted that anything would make me feel better.

“I love him so much, Bray.” I told him through my rivers of tears that were quickly soaking his shirt.

“Nathan’s a good guy, Brooklyn.” He told me softly as he continued to stroke my hair.

“I wasn’t talking about him.”

“I know.” He responded. “But sometimes you have to learn to love what's good for you.”