A Rollercoaster Kind of Rush

The talk of a late night kitchen conversation woke me up. Laughter and joking with a studio audience showing their approval of the lame one liner filled my ears, intoxicating my dreams.

Yawning with a stretch, I opened my tired eyes, sinking into the couch cushions. It was winter syndrome, the time of year that you never wanted to get out of bed. I could practically feel the North Dakota air that was sure to be frigid outside.

“Good morning,” Matt said softly, his eyes flickering away from the television to look at me with a smile from the couch adjacent to this one. I smiled back the best I could, wrapping my shoulders in what I now realized to be the comforter from Matt’s bed.

“What time is it?” I asked groggily, my voice laced with sleep as I looked around for my Blackberry, but not spotting it anywhere. Matt cracked his knuckles before answering.

“Around nine. We have morning skate at ten thirty,” he informed me. I only nodded and sunk back into the covers, pulling them over my neck further.

It was clear that Matt had something he was itching to talk about. He pursed his lips in concentration and tapped his fingers on his denim covered knee. Every few seconds, he’d look at me for a few moments before I looked up to meet his gaze, only then would he return his focus back to his lap. I sighed.

“Spit it out, Matthew,” I told him, sitting up, but keeping the blanket wrapped around me to seal in the warmth. Matt jumped, as if he were surprised that I had noticed his internal battle. Instantly though, he let out a nervous breath and turned his whole body to face me.

“Why were you sleeping out here?” Matt asked in a hushed tone, looking over my shoulder to the hall as if he were making sure Evan was no where in ear shot. I bit down on my lip nervously.

“As opposed to…” I stalled, playing stupid so I wouldn’t have to openly admit that Evan had snapped at me. I hardly wanted to admit it myself. Because even though it’s what I supposedly want, I’m not so sure anymore. Matt raised his eyebrows.

“You always stay in Truppy’s room,” he pointed out. I pursed my lips as my eyes dropped from Matt’s deep sea blue ones and shrugged a bit.

“I don’t know,” I confessed, fixing my eyes on the tree just outside the window that was behind Matt. “He’s got a lot of stress put on him lately. He just didn’t want me there.”

“He didn’t like…do anything to you, did he?” Matt asked, his eyes narrowing slightly. Automatically, I shook my head frantically.

“Oh God, no,” I breathed out. Matt relaxed noticeably. “He just needed some time alone,” I assured. But I was trying to convince myself more than Matt.

“If you say so,” Matt sighed, leaning back into the couch and turning towards the television, signifying that the conversation was over.

I yawned again, realizing it was entirely too early to be awake after a night of tossing and turning. But considering I didn’t want to stay here and be choked entirely by the awkward tension, I pushed the blanket off of my body and gently lifted my aching body so I was on my feet.

I flipped my hair over my shoulder and pulled my arms high above my head, feeling every muscle in my body stretch and release at once. Arching my back, I felt instant relief as my back cracked in multiple spots.

“You know, Av, you should walk around with no clothes on more often,” Matt smirked, eyeing the area where my tank top lifted, just above the waistband of my panties. I rolled my eyes at him before walking away from him, making my way towards Evan’s room.

I half expected Evan to be in his bed, still asleep. But when I heard the shower running down the hall, I knew that’s where he was. I slipped into the cracked door, running a finger through my disheveled hair.

Slipping my legs through the sweatpants I found on the floor, I scanned the area for a hoodie to keep me warm. I found one of Evan’s Penticton sweaters immediately and pulled it over my head and arms, loving the engulfed feeling I got when I wore one of his large sweatshirts.

As I heard the water still running in the bathroom, I padded down the hall and into the kitchen. Chewing on my bottom lip absentmindedly, I examined the contents in both the cupboards and fridge before calling out to Matt, who was still watching television, but had switched it to a sports talk show.

“Are you hungry?”

“No, I already ate,” was his reply.

I shrugged to myself, pulling the box of Cheerios down from the top shelf, and retrieved the milk, a bowl and a spoon. I only filled the bowl hardly half way, not having too much of an appetite, but I knew I would get sick later if I didn’t eat.

I was pouring the freshly opened jug of milk slowly and cautiously to not spill any when arms wrapped around my waist delicately from behind. With a gasp, my hand jerked a bit, causing the steady stream of solid white liquid to miss the bowl. I frowned at the pool of milk on the counter and set down the heavy jug as Evan let out a laugh in my hair.

“Smooth,” he commented.

“You scared me!” I accused as his arms tightened around me. Evan laughed again.

“Sorry babe.” He let out a deep breath as he grabbed a hold of both of my hands in front of me and spun me around so I was looking at his chest. “And I’m also sorry for snapping at you last night, Avery. I know I was completely out of line,” he said softly. I looked up at him.

“I understand. It’s okay, you’re really stressed lately, and I shouldn’t have pushed the subject,” I tried to reason. Evan let out another sigh and shook his head. I concentrated on a bead of water that dripped from the end of a lock of his hair as it slid down his cheek, down to his neck and then disappeared into his cotton shirt.

“But it’s not okay. I shouldn’t ever talk to you like that, you will never deserve to be talked down to like that, Avery,” he insisted barely above a whisper. I just nodded, not wanting to talk about it anymore, and wrapped my arms around his middle. Evan instantly reacted, engulfing me in his arms as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

“I love you, Ev, so much,” I whispered into his chest. I closed my eyes in hopes to stop the tears from coming out. The water was already pushing at the back of my eyelids as I took some shallow breaths. This was all hitting me way too fast. The guilt and the sick feeling to my stomach were over whelming me faster than I could take steady intakes of breath to compose myself. My body completely shut down and melted into his arms as I made sure to do everything I could so Evan wouldn’t notice my breakdown.

“I love you too, baby.”

And it was right then that I felt my heart shatter into a thousand little pieces in my chest.