A Rollercoaster Kind of Rush

Over Christmas break, I had a lot to think about. My head was spinning, and my mind was permanently fixated on a certain boy. But then again, it always was.

I can't end things with Evan, and honestly, I have no intention to. Imagining my life without him is like numbering my days, because without him, I would be nothing. He's my everything, and all that I've ever wanted. In most aspects.

In the week and a half away from Grand Forks and Evan, I decided that I absolutely hated this new Evan. Of course it was nice to have him to actually care about my feelings for once, but at the rate this was going, it was going to get old fast. I didn't fall in love with this Evan, so I knew it would be easy to fall out of love with him. I wasn't ready to leave everything we have behind.

The boys were going to be in Illinois for New Years, so unfortunately, they wouldn't be around to have fun. Some of the boys, including myself and some of the other girlfriends, came back to school before break was officially over to spend some time with us before the team headed out for the Notre Dame Tournament. Evan was among the guys who came back, claiming he wanted to see me before for good luck.

It was a Monday, and with no classes the next day, we all decided to stay up late and drink in a small group. Everyone gathered at Matt and Evan's apartment, grabbed some beer and found some place to lounge in the decent sized living room. Pony and Matt, as usual, were sitting together, with Ben sitting beside Matt. Chay, his girlfriend, Mika and Davey were sitting on the couch. Phoebe and Danny had not so surprisingly run off to one of the bedrooms earlier. It was just us, the usual group of friends, drinking away in the warm living room, watching some special about the upcoming Winter Classic.

Evan and I sat on the floor. He was leaned up against the side of the couch with me between his legs, his arms wrapped around my waist protectively. Evan raised his can of Busch Light to his pink lips, winking at me as the cold, bitter liquid slid down his throat.

He set his chin on my shoulder, letting out a long breath that blew my hair into my face. Evan was quick to brush it away with his free hand. I turned my head to smile over at him, pressing a soft kiss to his crooked nose.

"Do you need a new drink?" Evan whispered, ignoring the boys as they all joked about something way too loudly. He raised his eyebrows down towards my almost empty can of beer. I nodded, sloshing the rest down my throat before handing it to him.

Evan gracefully slid out from behind me without making me move, kissing my hair before he trotted to the living room, once again ignoring his friends as they used words like 'pussy whipped.' I rolled my eyes.

"You guys are so vulgar," I told them, pursing my lips as big Zdeno Chara appeared on the giant television screen.

"But you love us anyway!" Pony exclaimed, leaning down from the couch to kiss my cheek sloppily. I groaned, but nodded my head.

"Someones had a bit too many beers," I commented under my breath, causing Matt to nod his head and laugh, obviously agreeing with me.

Evan was back with two cold beers fresh from the fridge hardly a minute later. He opted to sit next to me this time, handing me my beer, already opened for me, and then lacing his fingers with mine.

"Thanks," I mumbled shyly, feeling all of the eyes of our friends on us. Evan grinned at my blush.

"You're adorable," he whispered into my hair, leaning into me. I smiled softly, turning my head and kissing him on the lips twice.

"Aww, how cute are they, Davey?" Chay cooed loudly, causing me to pull away blushing.

"Like, so cute, Chay!" Davey responded in a high pitch, girl like voice, but failed, his voice is too deep for that. Mika hit him across the shoulder, rolling her eyes as she smiled at me. I knew she was holding back her own comments herself. I blushed fiercely, pouring half the can of beer in my mouth and swallowing, ignoring the stinging cold feeling prickling at my throat.

I laid my head on Evan's shoulder as he set our laced fingers on my jean clad thigh. My world was starting to feel fuzzy, and the room was beginning to tilt just a bit. Closing my eyes, I scooted closer towards Evan, loving the feeling of the warmth radiating from his body. He easily scooped my legs up, draping them over his lap.

I felt my consciousness slowly drift in and out as little things jolted me to awareness. Closing my eyes again, my mind drifted off to a place so far away from here. Something brushed against my left arm, making me cuddle closer to Evan's side while he talked to Chay about something stupid that some idiotic girl in his class said a few weeks ago. We've all heard the story at least five times, but none of us said anything about it.

The furry thing rubbed against my arm again, followed by something cold. My eyes snapped open, my head turning to look down. A blood halting scream emitted from my lips, causing Evan to jump at the sudden sound, as I jumped onto the couch as fast as I could. Clutching onto Matt, who I had managed to pull up to stand with me. Everyone looked at me oddly, wondering what the hell had scared me so bad.

With wide eyes, and gasping for breath, I pointed down, refusing to look down as I turned my head away. Matt let out a screech, tightening the grip on me that he was using to keep me steady. Pushing my face into his shoulder, I heard the guys start to laugh and Mika let out a disgusted groan.

"It's just a little mouse, Av!" Pony laughed, bending down. I refused to look, keeping my arms securely around Matt, and my face pressed into his shirt. We were safe up here on the couch.

"I don't care how harmless it is, it fucking touched me!" I exclaimed, squeezing Matt harder.

"Frattin, you're so soft!" Davey laughed loudly as Matt grunted.

"Hey! I'm just comforting her! I'm not scared of a mouse," he defended himself, rubbing my back as if he were soothing me. I mentally rolled my eyes, knowing it freaked Matt out just as much as it freaked me out. I turned my head, keeping my cheek pressed against Matt's chest, but finally looking to see what was going on.

Evan and Pony were kneeling, looking under the couch, and the rest of the boys were still lounging.

"We should probably try to catch it," Pony advised.

"Oh god, drunk men trying to catch a mouse, this is going to be good," Mika chimed in with a smirk. I shook with laughter, biting back my smile as Evan looked up and raised his eyebrows mockingly.

"You're not really that scared of a mouse, are you?" He asked with his irresistible smirk fixed on his plush lips. I licked my lips, swallowing the lump in my throat. I shimmied out of Matt's arms, and he let go of me unwillingly. Jumping from the couch, I bit my lip.

"Of course not," I replied, watching my feet closely for any sign of a movie creature running for me. "Um, I think I like it up here better," I said quickly and sheepishly, climbing back onto the couch, stretching my legs across Matt's lap. Evan laughed loudly, shaking his head before he and the other boys, minus Matt who promised to keep me company, started to plot.

"What's wrong? I heard you scream," Phoebe rushed, dressed in only her tank top and the sweatpants that Danny had been wearing earlier. Her long, dark hair was thrown in a sloppy bun on top of her head that made me sure that she had put it up on her way down the hall. Phoebe's fingers brushed across my cheek lovingly, as if she were looking down at her own child.

"A mouse touched me," I whispered, looking up at her with wide eyes.

"Oh my, poor child!" She gushed, pulling me into her chest. She flattened my hair, whispering words of encouragement. I knew if anyone understood my fear, it would be her.

She pulled away after a few moments when she heard her redheaded boyfriend's graceful, almost completely silent footsteps padding down the hall. I raised my eyebrows, almost laughing out loud with the boys when Danny appeared in the room with only boxers covering his bottom half. He blushed the brightest of reds as Mika and I giggled.

"Can I have my pants back?" He asked timidly, his eyes locked on Phoebe. Her cheeks warmed up as she nodded quickly.

"Um yeah," she mumbled, "I'll be right back," she said under her breath to me, sprinting out of the room, grabbing her boyfriend's hand on the way out. I toned out the jokes and buried my face into the pillow on the couch, feeling the alcohol I've been consuming start to take its effects slowly.

The boys, not surprisingly, gave up on the mouse hunt and decided it was time to take shots. Us girls decided to stay out of it, all of us preferring to not be ridiculously drunk every night like the boys are.

"Don't worry baby, I'll protect you from the big bad mouse," Evan teased into my hair, kissing my head as his breath warmed my hair.

"I hate you," I groaned, knowing I wasn't going to hear the end of this for a while. Evan only grinned before he strutted off to join his friends in the whiskey shot races. I rolled my eyes at his back. Twenty minutes until all of these boys are sloppily drunk.

Phoebe and Mika sat on either side of me, commenting quietly when one of the boys did something stupid in the kitchen. I watched, but didn't throw my two cents in as I was wrapped up in my own world, once again reevaluating mine and Evan's relationship.

"Somebody can't take a shot," Mika sang, laughing as Matt almost spat out the straight alcohol that he just poured into his mouth. I sighed, shaking my head.

"Mattie, never keep it in your mouth. You've gotta swallow that shit as soon as it comes in your mouth," I advised, shuddering at the memories of holding the shot in my mouth for too long. Chay and Pony looked at each other for only a fraction of a second before they both busted out in laughter, making further sexual jokes. I rolled my eyes, blocking them out as I gave a look to both Mika and Phoebe.

"We need to talk," I told them, looking over to the boys through the wide kitchen entry to make sure none of them were listening. Phoebe leaned in, licking her lips.

"Spill," Mika demanded, also leaning forward. I exhaled softly, taking a long chug of the mixed drink that Evan had made me a little bit ago. Captain and coke, of course, I like to keep it classy.

"It's getting boring," I admitted. Both girls gasped immediately, knowing exactly what I was talking about.

"What are you going to do?!" Phoebe asked, chewing on her bottom lip. I shrugged, pursing my lips.

"I have no idea," I started, "New Evan is so sweet, you know? I do love it when he's all cute and everything, but I didn't fall in love with this new Evan. Old Evan was exciting, he kept me on edge, even if I was crying, at least I felt something," I explained, throwing glances to my two best friends. Phoebe nodded her head once.

"So you know what you've got to do," Phoebe started.

"You have to get the old Evan back," Mika finished for her. I inhaled softly while nodding.

"Yeah, but how?" Phoebe and Mika shared a smirk.

"I think I've got an idea," Phoebe replied.

I don't care what I have to do. I plan to get my Evan back no matter what it takes. I'm not quite ready to give Evan up just yet.

He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
Cause I'm not feeling anything at all