Withheld
Withheld
This time, this place,
Misused, mistakes,
Too long, too late,
Who was I to make you wait?
Sitting in a black leather chair, Brian couldn't help but to fiddle with the small velvet box. He was going to tell her. Nothing was going to stop him from proposing this time. He knew for a long time that they were supposed to be together. But something always managed to stop him. Not this time.
When they were eighteen her dad had died, Brian had gone over to her house to ask her out on a date and to prom. But he'd found his hysteric best friend crying her eyes out as paramedics took her father's body away on a stretcher. Eight years later he was on the verge of breaking up with his fiancée for Claire, when his fiancée became pregnant with his child. He wanted to make it work for the sake of his unborn child. But when Lily was barely a day old her mother vanished, making it very clear she didn't want a child. Lily became his priority, not love.
Now was the time to act. He hadn't seen anyone in a while and his best friend recently came out of a relationship. On a high, Brian knew nothing would stop him now. As if on cue, a four year old Lily came bouncing into the room with her godfather, Matt Sanders, following her.
"Daddy," Lily said innocently, creeping onto her father’s lap. "Are you going to give Claire that pretty ring today or tomorrow? Because when you get married," she took a deep breath, looking very serious. "I want a baby sister."
Brian laughed and kissed her head. "I can't promise anything, Lil, but I will try my best for my little princess, alright?" He smiled. Satisfied with his answer, the four year old nodded her head before jumping off her father's knee. "You sure you two don't mind taking Lily for the night? Because-"
"Brian, come off it." Matt smiled, "You and my cousin have waited long enough for this moment. So just go over there to her apartment and tell her how you feel. You've wasted so much time already."
Matt turned on his heel and walked out of the house. Brian stayed seated, trying to think how he would propose to his best friend. He opened the box to look at the silver ring with a diamond incrustation. "Right, you can do this c'mon Haner." He told himself. He looked at a picture of himself and Claire. "You can definitely do this." He smiled, snapping the box shut.
Brian rang the doorbell twice before deciding to use his key. "Claire?" he called out. He checked the kitchen and living room before walking into her bedroom. "Hey I've got something to tell you." She turned around, looking sad. "Are you alright? What happened?"
"Nothing happened, I'm fine." she smiled, he was ever so unconvinced but he knew better that to say anything to upset her more. "So tell me this big news?" she sniffled.
"Well you know how we've been best friends for over what, twenty years now," he clutched the ring box tight in his pocket, as Claire's eyes watered up. "Claire Scott, I lov-"
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out, tears following. "I'm pregnant with Jamie's baby," she sobbed into Brian's shoulder as he held her close. "He doesn't want to know. I told him," she sobbed harder, Brian let go of the box in his pocket to comfort her. "And he doesn't want to know about the baby. What am I going to do?"
Just one chance, just one breath,
Just in case, there's just one left,
Cause you know, you know, you know...
Claire laughed at her best friend dace like a drunken fool with his male friends and ex-band members. She didn't know why but she felt strongly attracted to Brian during her pregnancy. She put it down to hormones, most of the time.
Lily looked to her godmother and smiled. Lily couldn't believe that Claire was having a baby. She knew her daddy always kept his promises to her. "When my baby sister comes out can I help pick her name?"
Used to Lily calling the baby her sister, Claire just smiled. "Remember, we don't know whether it's a boy or a girl yet. But you can help pick out the okay?" Lily nodded, and then ran to her granddad. Brian Sr. walked over and kissed Claire's head.
"Thanks for coming tonight, Suzy really appropriates you coming." He said. "So how are you and that baby coping with my drunken monkey of a son?" In the spur of a moment thing, Brian told his parents that he was the father of Claire's baby, the only ones who knew the truth was Matt, Claire and Brian.
"Quite good actually, although, baby has taken to kicking the living shit out of me tonight." she smiled in mild discomfort. "Here you haven't felt it yet." She grabbed his hand and put it to where the baby was kicking.
"Whoa I think you two will have a little kick boxer." Sr. smiled. "Just think in less than two months you will have a beautiful, screaming, never sleeping, pooping, annoying thing for the rest of your life. Unless the baby doesn't take after Brian, then you're fine."
"Oh, well when you put it like that I want more." She told him very sarcastically. They chatted for a bit more before Brian Jnr. stumbled over, as his father walked away. "Hey you, you’ve given up on dancing already?"
"Nope, I think dancing is my calling." He grinned quiet smugly. "I just came over to say, I love thou. And I'm pretty sure we could fly to Vegas within the next hour and get married. It could be quiet interesting, you know?"
"Not tonight, maybe another time, eh?" she smiled, completely amused by her best friend.
"I'll hold you to that." He pointed at her, one eye closed, as he walked away.
I love you, I loved you all along,
And I miss you,
Been far away for far too long,
I keep dreaming you'll be with me,
And you never go,
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.
The two best friends sat in the sand of their local beach watching Lily play with her friends. It had been a hot day, the humidity was horrible and the air was stuffy. "God I times this whole pregnancy thing wrong, eh. Didn't anyone think to tell me I'd be a million degrees hotter than anyone else?"
"No one can control when they get pregnant. I mean hell look, I'm a single dad and have been since the day she was born. The timing 'wasn’t right' for her. Even Jamie didn't think he could handle the whole idea of being a dad yet. "
"Oh shut up," she frowned, hating being put in place, "Well I think it's a good thing Jamie doesn’t want to be a part of the kid's life. If the guy wasn't good enough for me to stay with him for long, he's hardly good enough for my baby." She concluded, eating grapes.
Brian merely nodded in agreement. He'd had something on his mind for a while, he wanted to tell Claire but he was unsure how she would take it given her current conditions. "I need you to do me a favour." He said blunt looking into the sea.
Anything for you, whiny Brian," she smiled, popping more grapes into her mouth "Although if you have a weird, freaky fetish about having sex with a pregnant woman then you can forget it Haner."
"No," he laughed, looking at his feet. "No, it's nothing got to do with sex," he assured her, and she seemed pleased to hear that. "I need you to look after Lily for me? When I'm gone?"
"I'm sorry what?" Claire looked shocked, and disgusted. How could he ever think of leaving that sweet little girl? Lily loved her father more than any other person in the world. "If you even dare die on her- or even on me, you have another thing co-"
"I've been offered a job in Australia," he cut her off before she go into a serious rant about nothing. "It's on an oil rig. I've been offered a substantial amount of money to work there for 30 days. I need this money, but I need, - more than anything else, to know that Lily will be safe, when I'm gone."
"You've made up your mind." Claire stated, observing Lily. "I will take care of her, but you better be home when this baby is born or I swear to god there will be hell to pay when I find you." she grinned, resting her head on his shoulder.
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance, for one last dance,
Cause with you I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand.
"And Claire and the baby are getting bigger every day. I can't wait for the baby to pop out of Claire's belly!" Lily told her father excitingly. "But I want you to come home. Cause then we can go get school books and I can go to school and we can have the baby. It will be fun cause Claire can seep over all the time."
"Well, duh, of course we're gonna get you some books!" Brian told his daughter over the video call. "We can't forget that we have to get you a new bag and pencils. I will be home soon baby girl," he said completely avoiding the subject of Claire staying over all the time. "It's only-"
"Two more days!" the four year old squealed. "Okay daddy, Claire wants to talk to you now before you go to the work to gets lots of moneys, because she said so."
"I love you baby girl, I will see you soon I promise." Brian blew a kiss thought the video camera. Lily caught it with delight and blew him a kiss back. She went from view and a very pregnant Claire appeared on the camera. "Holy shit, Claire bear, you’re getting bigger and bigger every time I see you." he smiled.
"Don't you dare remind me," she growled at him in dissatisfaction, whilst adjusting herself to a comfortable position. "So you gonna miss it down under?"
"I would be lying if I said no, but I'd be lying if I said yes as well." Brian couldn't help but to smile at how radiant his best friend looked, pregnancy really suited her. "God I can't wait until I get home. It might sound surprising but I miss you lot."
"And we miss you too, Bri." She said subconsciously rubbing her rather large baby bump. "Well only for the fact that you always have cash for the pizza guy, that's all me and Lily really want from you." Claire giggled at her best friends face. "Anyway I'm gonna have to go because the baby has decided it's 'lets play soccer with mommy's bladder' time."
"God, that kid really needs to come soon. I love babies." Claire cocked an eyebrow at Brian. "Alright I love when they're asleep and have super clean nappies, with faces to match. Okay I will let you go. See you in three days."
I'd give it all,
I'd give for us,
Give anything but I won't give up,
Cause you know, you know, you know.
Turning in the bed, Claire finally got up, losing her patience. "God, why can't you sleep and stop kicking, tonight? Is it because Brian is coming back in a few hours, is it?" She didn't know whether the kick meant yes or go away from me. Either way, she was not going to be able to go back to sleep any time soon.
She walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer, taking out one of the many pots of Ben and Jerry's ice cream; it was a craving that she couldn't control. And for a strange reason it calmed the little baby whenever she ate it.
"Oh lets watch tv, eh?" she sat down on Brian's couch, feeling bored and really tired. But the baby wasn't about to let mommy sleep. Claire flicked thought the channels, finding nothing to watch at this hour of the morning. "How about the news? Let’s see what happened in Iraq today." flicking onto the news, sure enough there was images of the war in Iraq.
Just as she was about to fall asleep on the couch, she jerked awake when a news demanded her attention. News of an American flight crashing in Australia is just in. Claire's heart skipped a beat. The flight which left Perth airport was due to stop at Sydney before it left for Los Angeles International. The aircraft which was carrying twelve people, including the pilots and air hostess, plummeted into a field fifteen kilometers west of Sydney. All on board the flight are thought to be dead. More information on flight AUS 529 will be available soon.
Claire jumped up off the couch as fast as she could and got onto the computer to look up Brian's flight number. Most of the details had been the same as Brian's details. Impatiently she typed things up on the computer. She shook in fear of it might actually being Brian.
Scanning the flight details quickly, she came to the flight number and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. With her heart beat increasing, the baby's kicks got stronger, and then she read the number AUS 529. Claire took a sharp breath as she felt an uncontrollable pain in her abdominal. She tried to suppress a scream of agony but couldn't hold it.
With one hand on her stomach and the other clenched to the desk as another wave of pain hit her, tears started streaming down her face. It wasn't because she was in so much pain physically it was because her best friend had been on that flight, the plane that crashed.
I love you, I loved you all along,
And I miss you,
Been far away for far too long,
I keep dreaming you'll be with me,
And you never go,
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.
"Its okay, Claire, just breath. C'mon just breath, you can do this." Matt encouraged his cousin as much as possible, through her tears and screams. He was beyond surprised when Lily called him at five in the morning, telling him that Claire was having the baby. She was just 34 weeks gone. "Breath like you where though to, okay?"
"I can't," she cried, squeezing Matt's hand as hard as she could. "I need Brian, I need him here." she groaned as another contraction took over her body and mind. The tears where flowing freely, Matt knew full well that those tears were for Brian. "Brian." screamed the woman in labor.
"I need you too give one last push, Claire, then you will be finished I promise." The doctor encouraged her as well as Matt and the nurse. Her body shock as she pushed as hard as she could and then her son was born. There was silence in the room for a few moments the two pediatrics took the baby over to a table.
"You did it, you have a baby boy." Matt told her in delight, but Claire did nothing but fall back against the pillows, he still held onto her hand as he walked forward slightly to see the small baby boy take in his first breath of air. "He's okay, Claire, he's okay look." He pointed over looking at his cousin’s baby.
One of the nurses brought the small bundle over to the mother, Claire didn't move from her position as the nurse approached. "Here is your son, he's 5 pounds 2 ounce. Would you like to hold him?" Claire turned her head away from the nurse, tears rolled down her checks. Matt held the tiny baby for a couple of minutes.
"Claire, come on look at him," Matt smiled, but Claire's face remained blank. "Claire? Are you alright?" The nurse had to take the baby away for check-ups to make sure his lungs where okay, as well as the rest of his organs. "What's wrong, why won't you look at him?"
She turned her head and looked in his eyes. "I want Brian, not the baby." she told him with a bitter tone in her voice. She turned away again and cried over her best friend.
So far away, so far away,
Been far away for far too long,
So far away, so far away,
Been far away for far too long,
But you know, you know, you know.
Claire sat with Lily on her knee, waiting for the funeral to begin, some the body's were so badly damaged in the accident, yet Brian's was one of the body's that was identifiable. Matt and Val where sitting down beside the pair, holding Claire's son. They knew she wasn’t going to react very well to seeing her best friend being laid to rest.
Her vision was blurred from the tears that she wasn’t going to let escape. He was trying his best to keep it together. Flowers were surrounding his grave. All the bright colors used to reflect his bubbly personality. He was always so happy. Looking at the colorful display, Claire couldn’t help but feel even more miserable. He was gone.
Slowly, his casket had been lowered. His parents, younger brother and sister stood at the edge of the grave and let the flowers they were holding drop onto the casket below. Once they were done, it was Lily's and Claire's turn. Holding hands they walked over to the edge and both dropped a flower, to the black pit.
Looking to the headstone, she could see barely see the engraving through his tears: Brian Haner Jnr. Loving father, son and friend. Tears rolled down Claire’s cheeks as she got up slowly, making her way back to his seat. She sat down and let the priest carry on with the rest of the funeral.
Since the birth of her son, just a little over three weeks ago, she hadn't held him once. She was prescribed anti-depressants but never took them. Day by day everyone was becoming more concerned for her health. The death of Brian was shock to everyone, but Claire took it worse than anyone they knew. Even her weight was a concern; her weight loss had plummeted and was now merely a bag of bones.
I wanted,
I wanna hear you say,
Cause I needed,
I need to hear you say,
Two months since Brian's funeral was held, things in Claire's life where slowly getting back to normal. She still mourned her best friend but talks with doctors and friends about her health encouraged her to get on with her life, the best way that was possible. Everyone was helping her with both the house to the kids, but nothing could ever replace what she wanted the most in life.
She moved into Brian's house permanently, shortly after the funeral. Into his room and into his bed, Claire found herself in there on countless nights with one of his tops comforting her as she cried herself to sleep. Lily would sometimes join her and they would fall asleep in the bed of the man they need in their life the most.
Like everyone else, Claire was having her ups and downs with her depression. Today was a bad day. She just turned thirty without Brian, they had a pact that they would never leave each other on their birthdays when they were five. In twenty-five years of knowing each other they never broke that promise until today.
In the house the two women sat at the table eating their dinners. Lily had been strong, but she knew her daddy would want her to look after her new little brother. But she wanted her daddy back, everyone in her class had a daddy but her. "Claire, when is daddy coming home?" Claire had to look up to the ceiling to stop herself from crying. "'Cause he promised me he would come home." She blubbered, tears wielding in her eyes.
"Lily," Claire tried to put on a strong tone but it just ended up sounding weak. "We've talked about this before. Daddy isn't coming home." It broke her heart every day to have to say that. "If you're finished your dinner you can play in your room." She said in a soft tone. Without hesitation Lily ran up to her room, she hated hearing that daddy was never coming home. No one would ever tell her what she wanted to hear.
Just as Claire thought that Nathan was asleep, he started crying at the top of his little lungs. She picked him up, changed him, tried to feed him, let him play with keys, but nothing worked. As he kept crying, Claire began to cry with him. She didn't know what to do, if Brian was here with her he would have been able to help. But he wasn't there.
Matt walked into the house to see his cousin crying with her son, he walked over faster, dropping the present her brought her. "Hey, you okay?" Shaking her head, she gave her child to Matt and walked into the kitchen. He rocked baby Nathan a little and he seemed to calm, now it was his mother's turn to be comforted. "It's okay; he just wanted a little rock." Matt said calmly, sitting down opposite Claire.
"I can't do this, I tried Matt but I just can't do this," she cried and then heard Lily crying. "Every day she asks me when is Brian coming home, and I have to tell her the same thing. He's never coming home. It kills me to say that, and I don't know what to do when he cries. Because I do everything and it just doesn't fucking work." she stopped for a minute and tried to wipe her tears away. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."
"I know, Claire, I know," holding Nathan in one arm, he brushed his cousin’s hair out of her face and behind her ear. "Nobody ever thought this would happen, not in a million years. You want to know something about Bri, about what he was going to do before he ever left for Australia?" Claire made a barely audible 'what'. Matt played with Nathan as he spoke, "The day you told Brian you where pregnant, he was going to ask you to marry him."
Claire looked up, tears were still streaming down her face a small smile slowly creeped onto her face. "Propose?" She asked, she never knew that he felt the same way about her before. Claire took one glance at her son and she snapped. "It's his entire fault," she screamed jumping up. Matt tried to calm the baby down as his mother continued screaming. "I could be married to the man I love. He fucking ruined it, I hate him!"
Matt quickly regretted telling her about the proposal. "Claire just calm down, this is no-one’s fault. Just please sit down and stop shouting, I know you're hurting but acting like this isn't healthy, okay?" She nodded as she paced up and down. "I didn't think it would upset you, that is why I told you now."
"I can't do this, take him home with you. Bring Lily over to Suzy's. I don't want to keep doing this." She told Matt, she was about to talk more but the phone rang. Clearing her throat, she answered the phone. "Hello?" no one answered. "Hello? If this is a prank call -"
"Hey Claire bear," a calm soft voice, that was so familiar to her. She took her time in thinking who that person could be. "Claire, are you still there? C'mon bear face talk to me!" In an instant she knew who it was and collapsed to the ground.
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it hold on to me and, never let me go.
Standing in one of Brian's over sized jumpers, she told there shaking. Nathan was strapped to her chest in a baby carrier. She wanted to scream, she wanted to dance, and she wanted to hurt him. So many emotions ran threw her as she waited in arrivals at LAX with Lily and the press. Claire’s hands began to tremble. She was overjoyed that her best friend was alive.
The doors opened and Brian appeared. Cameras flashed, people yelled as Lily ran to her father. Brian bent down to her level and picked her up. "I love you, Lily. I love you so much sweetheart. I'll never leave you again, okay?" Tears welled in his eyes as he held his little girl in his arms. "I'm sorry I did that to you," he whispered as he wiped away her little tears.
Claire watched them both, her lip was trembling, and her heart was pounding. She wanted to run over and hug him but she couldn't move for the spot she was in. She never thought she would see Brain ever again. Big fat drops of tears dropped from Claire's eyes as Brian started to walk towards her with Lily in his hold. Neither of them had to say anything, their love for each other was written all over their faces.
Brian let his daughter down and looked down to the baby boy in Claire's hold. "Hey kiddo, I'm your daddy." That was all Brian had to say to make his best friends begin to sob. Carefully he removed his son from the carrier and smiled, feeling even more over whelmed with joy. "I'm sorry kid." He muttered holding the child, kissing his little face. Brian's eyes looked up and met Claire's. Val took Nathan from his father’s hold. "Claire," was all he had to say.
Brian reached up and rubbed the tears from her cheek. Her knees went weak, letting her body drop to her knees. He dropped down beside her and pulled her close. "I was so scared." She sobbed into his neck. "You promised you would be home when he was born, you promised..."
"I know. I'm sorry." He told her, tears slipping from his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I'll never leave you again." Claire lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "You understand me? I'll never leave you again. I swear." She nodded, trying to stop her from crying; the pair leaned forward and kissed. Cheers and claps where heard throughout the airport, but the couple were completely oblivious.
Misused, mistakes,
Too long, too late,
Who was I to make you wait?
Sitting in a black leather chair, Brian couldn't help but to fiddle with the small velvet box. He was going to tell her. Nothing was going to stop him from proposing this time. He knew for a long time that they were supposed to be together. But something always managed to stop him. Not this time.
When they were eighteen her dad had died, Brian had gone over to her house to ask her out on a date and to prom. But he'd found his hysteric best friend crying her eyes out as paramedics took her father's body away on a stretcher. Eight years later he was on the verge of breaking up with his fiancée for Claire, when his fiancée became pregnant with his child. He wanted to make it work for the sake of his unborn child. But when Lily was barely a day old her mother vanished, making it very clear she didn't want a child. Lily became his priority, not love.
Now was the time to act. He hadn't seen anyone in a while and his best friend recently came out of a relationship. On a high, Brian knew nothing would stop him now. As if on cue, a four year old Lily came bouncing into the room with her godfather, Matt Sanders, following her.
"Daddy," Lily said innocently, creeping onto her father’s lap. "Are you going to give Claire that pretty ring today or tomorrow? Because when you get married," she took a deep breath, looking very serious. "I want a baby sister."
Brian laughed and kissed her head. "I can't promise anything, Lil, but I will try my best for my little princess, alright?" He smiled. Satisfied with his answer, the four year old nodded her head before jumping off her father's knee. "You sure you two don't mind taking Lily for the night? Because-"
"Brian, come off it." Matt smiled, "You and my cousin have waited long enough for this moment. So just go over there to her apartment and tell her how you feel. You've wasted so much time already."
Matt turned on his heel and walked out of the house. Brian stayed seated, trying to think how he would propose to his best friend. He opened the box to look at the silver ring with a diamond incrustation. "Right, you can do this c'mon Haner." He told himself. He looked at a picture of himself and Claire. "You can definitely do this." He smiled, snapping the box shut.
Brian rang the doorbell twice before deciding to use his key. "Claire?" he called out. He checked the kitchen and living room before walking into her bedroom. "Hey I've got something to tell you." She turned around, looking sad. "Are you alright? What happened?"
"Nothing happened, I'm fine." she smiled, he was ever so unconvinced but he knew better that to say anything to upset her more. "So tell me this big news?" she sniffled.
"Well you know how we've been best friends for over what, twenty years now," he clutched the ring box tight in his pocket, as Claire's eyes watered up. "Claire Scott, I lov-"
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out, tears following. "I'm pregnant with Jamie's baby," she sobbed into Brian's shoulder as he held her close. "He doesn't want to know. I told him," she sobbed harder, Brian let go of the box in his pocket to comfort her. "And he doesn't want to know about the baby. What am I going to do?"
Just one chance, just one breath,
Just in case, there's just one left,
Cause you know, you know, you know...
Claire laughed at her best friend dace like a drunken fool with his male friends and ex-band members. She didn't know why but she felt strongly attracted to Brian during her pregnancy. She put it down to hormones, most of the time.
Lily looked to her godmother and smiled. Lily couldn't believe that Claire was having a baby. She knew her daddy always kept his promises to her. "When my baby sister comes out can I help pick her name?"
Used to Lily calling the baby her sister, Claire just smiled. "Remember, we don't know whether it's a boy or a girl yet. But you can help pick out the okay?" Lily nodded, and then ran to her granddad. Brian Sr. walked over and kissed Claire's head.
"Thanks for coming tonight, Suzy really appropriates you coming." He said. "So how are you and that baby coping with my drunken monkey of a son?" In the spur of a moment thing, Brian told his parents that he was the father of Claire's baby, the only ones who knew the truth was Matt, Claire and Brian.
"Quite good actually, although, baby has taken to kicking the living shit out of me tonight." she smiled in mild discomfort. "Here you haven't felt it yet." She grabbed his hand and put it to where the baby was kicking.
"Whoa I think you two will have a little kick boxer." Sr. smiled. "Just think in less than two months you will have a beautiful, screaming, never sleeping, pooping, annoying thing for the rest of your life. Unless the baby doesn't take after Brian, then you're fine."
"Oh, well when you put it like that I want more." She told him very sarcastically. They chatted for a bit more before Brian Jnr. stumbled over, as his father walked away. "Hey you, you’ve given up on dancing already?"
"Nope, I think dancing is my calling." He grinned quiet smugly. "I just came over to say, I love thou. And I'm pretty sure we could fly to Vegas within the next hour and get married. It could be quiet interesting, you know?"
"Not tonight, maybe another time, eh?" she smiled, completely amused by her best friend.
"I'll hold you to that." He pointed at her, one eye closed, as he walked away.
I love you, I loved you all along,
And I miss you,
Been far away for far too long,
I keep dreaming you'll be with me,
And you never go,
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.
The two best friends sat in the sand of their local beach watching Lily play with her friends. It had been a hot day, the humidity was horrible and the air was stuffy. "God I times this whole pregnancy thing wrong, eh. Didn't anyone think to tell me I'd be a million degrees hotter than anyone else?"
"No one can control when they get pregnant. I mean hell look, I'm a single dad and have been since the day she was born. The timing 'wasn’t right' for her. Even Jamie didn't think he could handle the whole idea of being a dad yet. "
"Oh shut up," she frowned, hating being put in place, "Well I think it's a good thing Jamie doesn’t want to be a part of the kid's life. If the guy wasn't good enough for me to stay with him for long, he's hardly good enough for my baby." She concluded, eating grapes.
Brian merely nodded in agreement. He'd had something on his mind for a while, he wanted to tell Claire but he was unsure how she would take it given her current conditions. "I need you to do me a favour." He said blunt looking into the sea.
Anything for you, whiny Brian," she smiled, popping more grapes into her mouth "Although if you have a weird, freaky fetish about having sex with a pregnant woman then you can forget it Haner."
"No," he laughed, looking at his feet. "No, it's nothing got to do with sex," he assured her, and she seemed pleased to hear that. "I need you to look after Lily for me? When I'm gone?"
"I'm sorry what?" Claire looked shocked, and disgusted. How could he ever think of leaving that sweet little girl? Lily loved her father more than any other person in the world. "If you even dare die on her- or even on me, you have another thing co-"
"I've been offered a job in Australia," he cut her off before she go into a serious rant about nothing. "It's on an oil rig. I've been offered a substantial amount of money to work there for 30 days. I need this money, but I need, - more than anything else, to know that Lily will be safe, when I'm gone."
"You've made up your mind." Claire stated, observing Lily. "I will take care of her, but you better be home when this baby is born or I swear to god there will be hell to pay when I find you." she grinned, resting her head on his shoulder.
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance, for one last dance,
Cause with you I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand.
"And Claire and the baby are getting bigger every day. I can't wait for the baby to pop out of Claire's belly!" Lily told her father excitingly. "But I want you to come home. Cause then we can go get school books and I can go to school and we can have the baby. It will be fun cause Claire can seep over all the time."
"Well, duh, of course we're gonna get you some books!" Brian told his daughter over the video call. "We can't forget that we have to get you a new bag and pencils. I will be home soon baby girl," he said completely avoiding the subject of Claire staying over all the time. "It's only-"
"Two more days!" the four year old squealed. "Okay daddy, Claire wants to talk to you now before you go to the work to gets lots of moneys, because she said so."
"I love you baby girl, I will see you soon I promise." Brian blew a kiss thought the video camera. Lily caught it with delight and blew him a kiss back. She went from view and a very pregnant Claire appeared on the camera. "Holy shit, Claire bear, you’re getting bigger and bigger every time I see you." he smiled.
"Don't you dare remind me," she growled at him in dissatisfaction, whilst adjusting herself to a comfortable position. "So you gonna miss it down under?"
"I would be lying if I said no, but I'd be lying if I said yes as well." Brian couldn't help but to smile at how radiant his best friend looked, pregnancy really suited her. "God I can't wait until I get home. It might sound surprising but I miss you lot."
"And we miss you too, Bri." She said subconsciously rubbing her rather large baby bump. "Well only for the fact that you always have cash for the pizza guy, that's all me and Lily really want from you." Claire giggled at her best friends face. "Anyway I'm gonna have to go because the baby has decided it's 'lets play soccer with mommy's bladder' time."
"God, that kid really needs to come soon. I love babies." Claire cocked an eyebrow at Brian. "Alright I love when they're asleep and have super clean nappies, with faces to match. Okay I will let you go. See you in three days."
I'd give it all,
I'd give for us,
Give anything but I won't give up,
Cause you know, you know, you know.
Turning in the bed, Claire finally got up, losing her patience. "God, why can't you sleep and stop kicking, tonight? Is it because Brian is coming back in a few hours, is it?" She didn't know whether the kick meant yes or go away from me. Either way, she was not going to be able to go back to sleep any time soon.
She walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer, taking out one of the many pots of Ben and Jerry's ice cream; it was a craving that she couldn't control. And for a strange reason it calmed the little baby whenever she ate it.
"Oh lets watch tv, eh?" she sat down on Brian's couch, feeling bored and really tired. But the baby wasn't about to let mommy sleep. Claire flicked thought the channels, finding nothing to watch at this hour of the morning. "How about the news? Let’s see what happened in Iraq today." flicking onto the news, sure enough there was images of the war in Iraq.
Just as she was about to fall asleep on the couch, she jerked awake when a news demanded her attention. News of an American flight crashing in Australia is just in. Claire's heart skipped a beat. The flight which left Perth airport was due to stop at Sydney before it left for Los Angeles International. The aircraft which was carrying twelve people, including the pilots and air hostess, plummeted into a field fifteen kilometers west of Sydney. All on board the flight are thought to be dead. More information on flight AUS 529 will be available soon.
Claire jumped up off the couch as fast as she could and got onto the computer to look up Brian's flight number. Most of the details had been the same as Brian's details. Impatiently she typed things up on the computer. She shook in fear of it might actually being Brian.
Scanning the flight details quickly, she came to the flight number and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. With her heart beat increasing, the baby's kicks got stronger, and then she read the number AUS 529. Claire took a sharp breath as she felt an uncontrollable pain in her abdominal. She tried to suppress a scream of agony but couldn't hold it.
With one hand on her stomach and the other clenched to the desk as another wave of pain hit her, tears started streaming down her face. It wasn't because she was in so much pain physically it was because her best friend had been on that flight, the plane that crashed.
I love you, I loved you all along,
And I miss you,
Been far away for far too long,
I keep dreaming you'll be with me,
And you never go,
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.
"Its okay, Claire, just breath. C'mon just breath, you can do this." Matt encouraged his cousin as much as possible, through her tears and screams. He was beyond surprised when Lily called him at five in the morning, telling him that Claire was having the baby. She was just 34 weeks gone. "Breath like you where though to, okay?"
"I can't," she cried, squeezing Matt's hand as hard as she could. "I need Brian, I need him here." she groaned as another contraction took over her body and mind. The tears where flowing freely, Matt knew full well that those tears were for Brian. "Brian." screamed the woman in labor.
"I need you too give one last push, Claire, then you will be finished I promise." The doctor encouraged her as well as Matt and the nurse. Her body shock as she pushed as hard as she could and then her son was born. There was silence in the room for a few moments the two pediatrics took the baby over to a table.
"You did it, you have a baby boy." Matt told her in delight, but Claire did nothing but fall back against the pillows, he still held onto her hand as he walked forward slightly to see the small baby boy take in his first breath of air. "He's okay, Claire, he's okay look." He pointed over looking at his cousin’s baby.
One of the nurses brought the small bundle over to the mother, Claire didn't move from her position as the nurse approached. "Here is your son, he's 5 pounds 2 ounce. Would you like to hold him?" Claire turned her head away from the nurse, tears rolled down her checks. Matt held the tiny baby for a couple of minutes.
"Claire, come on look at him," Matt smiled, but Claire's face remained blank. "Claire? Are you alright?" The nurse had to take the baby away for check-ups to make sure his lungs where okay, as well as the rest of his organs. "What's wrong, why won't you look at him?"
She turned her head and looked in his eyes. "I want Brian, not the baby." she told him with a bitter tone in her voice. She turned away again and cried over her best friend.
So far away, so far away,
Been far away for far too long,
So far away, so far away,
Been far away for far too long,
But you know, you know, you know.
Claire sat with Lily on her knee, waiting for the funeral to begin, some the body's were so badly damaged in the accident, yet Brian's was one of the body's that was identifiable. Matt and Val where sitting down beside the pair, holding Claire's son. They knew she wasn’t going to react very well to seeing her best friend being laid to rest.
Her vision was blurred from the tears that she wasn’t going to let escape. He was trying his best to keep it together. Flowers were surrounding his grave. All the bright colors used to reflect his bubbly personality. He was always so happy. Looking at the colorful display, Claire couldn’t help but feel even more miserable. He was gone.
Slowly, his casket had been lowered. His parents, younger brother and sister stood at the edge of the grave and let the flowers they were holding drop onto the casket below. Once they were done, it was Lily's and Claire's turn. Holding hands they walked over to the edge and both dropped a flower, to the black pit.
Looking to the headstone, she could see barely see the engraving through his tears: Brian Haner Jnr. Loving father, son and friend. Tears rolled down Claire’s cheeks as she got up slowly, making her way back to his seat. She sat down and let the priest carry on with the rest of the funeral.
Since the birth of her son, just a little over three weeks ago, she hadn't held him once. She was prescribed anti-depressants but never took them. Day by day everyone was becoming more concerned for her health. The death of Brian was shock to everyone, but Claire took it worse than anyone they knew. Even her weight was a concern; her weight loss had plummeted and was now merely a bag of bones.
I wanted,
I wanna hear you say,
Cause I needed,
I need to hear you say,
Two months since Brian's funeral was held, things in Claire's life where slowly getting back to normal. She still mourned her best friend but talks with doctors and friends about her health encouraged her to get on with her life, the best way that was possible. Everyone was helping her with both the house to the kids, but nothing could ever replace what she wanted the most in life.
She moved into Brian's house permanently, shortly after the funeral. Into his room and into his bed, Claire found herself in there on countless nights with one of his tops comforting her as she cried herself to sleep. Lily would sometimes join her and they would fall asleep in the bed of the man they need in their life the most.
Like everyone else, Claire was having her ups and downs with her depression. Today was a bad day. She just turned thirty without Brian, they had a pact that they would never leave each other on their birthdays when they were five. In twenty-five years of knowing each other they never broke that promise until today.
In the house the two women sat at the table eating their dinners. Lily had been strong, but she knew her daddy would want her to look after her new little brother. But she wanted her daddy back, everyone in her class had a daddy but her. "Claire, when is daddy coming home?" Claire had to look up to the ceiling to stop herself from crying. "'Cause he promised me he would come home." She blubbered, tears wielding in her eyes.
"Lily," Claire tried to put on a strong tone but it just ended up sounding weak. "We've talked about this before. Daddy isn't coming home." It broke her heart every day to have to say that. "If you're finished your dinner you can play in your room." She said in a soft tone. Without hesitation Lily ran up to her room, she hated hearing that daddy was never coming home. No one would ever tell her what she wanted to hear.
Just as Claire thought that Nathan was asleep, he started crying at the top of his little lungs. She picked him up, changed him, tried to feed him, let him play with keys, but nothing worked. As he kept crying, Claire began to cry with him. She didn't know what to do, if Brian was here with her he would have been able to help. But he wasn't there.
Matt walked into the house to see his cousin crying with her son, he walked over faster, dropping the present her brought her. "Hey, you okay?" Shaking her head, she gave her child to Matt and walked into the kitchen. He rocked baby Nathan a little and he seemed to calm, now it was his mother's turn to be comforted. "It's okay; he just wanted a little rock." Matt said calmly, sitting down opposite Claire.
"I can't do this, I tried Matt but I just can't do this," she cried and then heard Lily crying. "Every day she asks me when is Brian coming home, and I have to tell her the same thing. He's never coming home. It kills me to say that, and I don't know what to do when he cries. Because I do everything and it just doesn't fucking work." she stopped for a minute and tried to wipe her tears away. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."
"I know, Claire, I know," holding Nathan in one arm, he brushed his cousin’s hair out of her face and behind her ear. "Nobody ever thought this would happen, not in a million years. You want to know something about Bri, about what he was going to do before he ever left for Australia?" Claire made a barely audible 'what'. Matt played with Nathan as he spoke, "The day you told Brian you where pregnant, he was going to ask you to marry him."
Claire looked up, tears were still streaming down her face a small smile slowly creeped onto her face. "Propose?" She asked, she never knew that he felt the same way about her before. Claire took one glance at her son and she snapped. "It's his entire fault," she screamed jumping up. Matt tried to calm the baby down as his mother continued screaming. "I could be married to the man I love. He fucking ruined it, I hate him!"
Matt quickly regretted telling her about the proposal. "Claire just calm down, this is no-one’s fault. Just please sit down and stop shouting, I know you're hurting but acting like this isn't healthy, okay?" She nodded as she paced up and down. "I didn't think it would upset you, that is why I told you now."
"I can't do this, take him home with you. Bring Lily over to Suzy's. I don't want to keep doing this." She told Matt, she was about to talk more but the phone rang. Clearing her throat, she answered the phone. "Hello?" no one answered. "Hello? If this is a prank call -"
"Hey Claire bear," a calm soft voice, that was so familiar to her. She took her time in thinking who that person could be. "Claire, are you still there? C'mon bear face talk to me!" In an instant she knew who it was and collapsed to the ground.
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it hold on to me and, never let me go.
Standing in one of Brian's over sized jumpers, she told there shaking. Nathan was strapped to her chest in a baby carrier. She wanted to scream, she wanted to dance, and she wanted to hurt him. So many emotions ran threw her as she waited in arrivals at LAX with Lily and the press. Claire’s hands began to tremble. She was overjoyed that her best friend was alive.
The doors opened and Brian appeared. Cameras flashed, people yelled as Lily ran to her father. Brian bent down to her level and picked her up. "I love you, Lily. I love you so much sweetheart. I'll never leave you again, okay?" Tears welled in his eyes as he held his little girl in his arms. "I'm sorry I did that to you," he whispered as he wiped away her little tears.
Claire watched them both, her lip was trembling, and her heart was pounding. She wanted to run over and hug him but she couldn't move for the spot she was in. She never thought she would see Brain ever again. Big fat drops of tears dropped from Claire's eyes as Brian started to walk towards her with Lily in his hold. Neither of them had to say anything, their love for each other was written all over their faces.
Brian let his daughter down and looked down to the baby boy in Claire's hold. "Hey kiddo, I'm your daddy." That was all Brian had to say to make his best friends begin to sob. Carefully he removed his son from the carrier and smiled, feeling even more over whelmed with joy. "I'm sorry kid." He muttered holding the child, kissing his little face. Brian's eyes looked up and met Claire's. Val took Nathan from his father’s hold. "Claire," was all he had to say.
Brian reached up and rubbed the tears from her cheek. Her knees went weak, letting her body drop to her knees. He dropped down beside her and pulled her close. "I was so scared." She sobbed into his neck. "You promised you would be home when he was born, you promised..."
"I know. I'm sorry." He told her, tears slipping from his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I'll never leave you again." Claire lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "You understand me? I'll never leave you again. I swear." She nodded, trying to stop her from crying; the pair leaned forward and kissed. Cheers and claps where heard throughout the airport, but the couple were completely oblivious.