Innocence and a Broken Heart
Prolouge
The moments before you drift off into sleep is a dangourous time. It’s the only time your mind allows its self to tell you what you already know. It’s the time where your conscious and unconscious become one and all your thoughts whirl around so that your faced with what ever is truly bothering you. Your mind is your biggest threat, because with out the protection of the day you have to face what ever is in there and you can’t escape it.
You know that I’m right. Now that I’ve put that out there, you’re all thinking about it and how right I truly am. Its where you worry about your parents or your kids. About that history test you failed and how you’re ever going to get that grade back up . All the guilt you’ve ever felt complies and sits there heavly on your chest.
I know I’m right too. Because as soon as the sun goes down, I’m hit with that same painful truth. You’d think that after a couple months of the same deal it wouldn’t come as such a surprise. It wouldn’t hurt as much, you know? But we’re both wrong. Because each night, it still burns as much as the first time and I don’t know how to make it stop.
Of course I have my theories. How could I not? But I mean I’m to scared to try them because if it doesn’t work out the same way I’d pictured it so many times before, then I’m just going to be left with even more embarresment and rejection, and I’m not sure I can handle that.
Call me what you want. Chicken perhaps? Prude? I don’t care because I look at my self as a realist. I’m not spontaneous. I don’t just jump into things, I plan them out. From what I’ve learned, history tends to repeat its self, so why should I think that if I were to march up there and confront the problem, it’d be better? How do I know that I’d really hurt him, the way he’s hurt me so many times before? I have no way to garuntee that he’d be hurt, not me. So I just have to sit here and take it, until I can build up the strength to eliminate this constant heartache he’s created. But until then, I’ll just do what I always do. Put on a smile and act like nothings wrong.
You know that I’m right. Now that I’ve put that out there, you’re all thinking about it and how right I truly am. Its where you worry about your parents or your kids. About that history test you failed and how you’re ever going to get that grade back up . All the guilt you’ve ever felt complies and sits there heavly on your chest.
I know I’m right too. Because as soon as the sun goes down, I’m hit with that same painful truth. You’d think that after a couple months of the same deal it wouldn’t come as such a surprise. It wouldn’t hurt as much, you know? But we’re both wrong. Because each night, it still burns as much as the first time and I don’t know how to make it stop.
Of course I have my theories. How could I not? But I mean I’m to scared to try them because if it doesn’t work out the same way I’d pictured it so many times before, then I’m just going to be left with even more embarresment and rejection, and I’m not sure I can handle that.
Call me what you want. Chicken perhaps? Prude? I don’t care because I look at my self as a realist. I’m not spontaneous. I don’t just jump into things, I plan them out. From what I’ve learned, history tends to repeat its self, so why should I think that if I were to march up there and confront the problem, it’d be better? How do I know that I’d really hurt him, the way he’s hurt me so many times before? I have no way to garuntee that he’d be hurt, not me. So I just have to sit here and take it, until I can build up the strength to eliminate this constant heartache he’s created. But until then, I’ll just do what I always do. Put on a smile and act like nothings wrong.
♠ ♠ ♠
Not the best writting in the world.Gets better as the story acually starts :)
Please comment and let me know what you think!