Innocence and a Broken Heart

With a deep breath I spun it. My heart hammering against my ribs as I watched the bottle make its desion. It was like an outerbody experience, watching that bottle spin and spin around, passing every potiential. It began to slow down, each second my heart accelerating until it was practically jumping out of my chest. Then it stoped all together, my heart, along with the bottle that is.

It was like time slowed then. I looked up, gasping as I saw where it had landed, well rather who it had landed on. I quickly composed myself, not wanting the rest of the room to be aware of the fact that I might pass out. I mean it was Nathan. Nathan. I’d only liked the kid for 8 months was it? Maybe 9. Who cares, honestly I lost track after 3, but it was Nathan. The boy I’ve known since I was 5. One of my best friends in the entire universe. Well I mean he was, until the day the hormones kicked in and I decided he was my soul mate. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I mean I’ve found plently of soul mates in the past, but after a week or two I saw the errors of my way and moved on to my next true love . Yet here I was, 9 months later, still searching for the wrong in Nathan.

I didn’t know what do. It was as if I was paralyzed. I waited for him to make the first move. I mean how akward would it have been if I had stood up and he didn’t want to. I mean this was optional spin the bottle and we were lifelong friends, it would have been totally reasonable and understandable if it was too weird for him to. Yet, he smiled at me, as he stood up and extended his hand. I smiled, taking it as all the blood in my body rushed to my cheeks, creating a deep crimson complexion.

“You two have fun,” someone called from behind us, but I was to oblivious to pick up on who it was. It was like I was high, well I assume that’s what it was like seeing as I’ve never actually been high, but really though, who needs drugs when you can feel like this?

“After you,” he said with a laugh, opening the closet door, nervously shaking his hair in that annoying way boys with long hair do, but somehow he manged to pull it off so it was cute. I just nodded, still unable to speak. He closed the door and flipped on the light. Suddenly all the noise and the oohing and kissy faces were gone. It was just me and him, alone.

I’m not sure I can describe what its like to feel like you’re the only two people on the earth. It’s an odd feeling. One mixed of excitement, joy and overall bliss. Yet, on the other hand its scary, and exciting, not knowing what will happen.

He put in his hands in the pockets of his jeans, slowy rocking back and fourth. “So…” he began.

“You know, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.” I said quietly, looking up for the reaction.

“Yeah,” he said looking down, avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah,” I said, looking down at my shoes. My brand new shoes. They were uggs which was all the rage at the time. I had to beg my parents to buy them for me. And I mean beg. Full on the floor, on the knees begging, telling them over and over that if I don’t have these chochlate brown uggs I will be the laughing stalk of the entire school and then we’d have to move because they couldn’t bare to have a social reject of a daughter. Yes, a bit dramatic, but it worked.

“But you know..”

“Yeah?” I said looking up suddenly, my heart slamming against my rib cage as I nervously slid a stray hair behind my newly peirced ear.

“We could.” He finally said, exhaling slowly. He slowly bent down towards me and gently touched his lips to mine. It was quick but it was sweet, what some may call perfect?

I touched my lips slowly, brushing my fingers gently over them. I think I could have stayed in that closet, that way forever. But I know now that that wasn’t true. That was just the calm before the storm. And like always, the storm broke. With a powerful strike of lighting, the rain began to pour down and the thunder began to crash, breaking my heart into a thousand pieces.