Innocence and a Broken Heart
Revalation
Authors Note:
1) Thank you for your comments, they inspire me to keep going and they really put a smile on my face! I never really thought I was any good at writting, like it was just a hobby, but wow you guys are really sweet :)
2) I love getting comments telling me what you liked/didn't like and how you felt reading this. It helps me out alot ! thankk you!
Present time:
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Thinking back to that day on the steps, I'm mad at myself. I mean really who gets that broken up about a boy? Who cares if he didn't like me. Who cares if he said I was fat and ugly. Who cares if he thought I was pathetic? I sure don't. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care........ well thats at least what I tell myself.
"Lilith!" My mother said knocking on my door quietly. "It's time to get up." She said with a smile. She pulled the shades open and let the sun light slip in.
"Go away." I groaned, hiding under the covers. "Its saturday and its 8. Go away."
"You know we are going to cape cod with Nathan's family. Get up and get dressed. We are leaving in ten minutes."
Right. I forgot about that. Well I mean I didn't really forget but there was nothing I could do so I kind of pushed it out of my mind. I tried the good old leave me home alone I'm a grownup now, but that was shot done before I got very far. I tried faking sick. Fail. So I was stuck sitting in a car for three hours with the boy who broke my heart. Joy.
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"It hasn't changed a bit." Nathan said throwing his duffle bag on my bed and laying on it. "Good old home."
"This is me and Beth's room. Get out." I said, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him out the door.
"You didn't hear?" He said with that obnoxious laugh of his. "Becuase Jim and Claudia are here, your stuck with me," He said with a huge smile, "roomie."
"Over my dead body." I said storming out of the room. "Mom!" I screeched, " Mom!"
"What?" she said coming out of the kitchen holding a cookie sheet full of freshly baked sugar cookies.
"I"m not rooming with him."
"Sorry, no other option. He's like your brother get over it." she said returning to the kitchen. I stormed back into my room, fuming.
"I'll take the bottom bunk," he said with an eyebrow raised, "I hear you like being on top anyway." he said, laughing that obnoxious laugh of his. I wanted to slap him.
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After a long long night, I couldn't take it anymore. After about ten minutes of Nathan being annoying he started to become....appealing. As I stole hidden glances at dinner I started to remember why I had felt for him in the first place. His eyes as deep as the ocean, hidden behind his shaggy hair. His dimbles layed equally on the side of his face.
It was not okay. I can't fall for that jerk again. That jerk that tore me apart. So after dinner I stole a bottle of wine, shitty or good I don't know. I don't drink, well not usually. But this called for special occastions.
I walked down to the beach, along the water. Admiring it as the sunset behind it, the sky a beautiful pink before it turned to darkness. I took a slug of the wine, it burning my virgin throat as it made its magic work. I took another. Then another. Until I had a serious buzz going.
I plopped myself on the sand, digging my feet in it. It was cold but it felt good on my skin, for some reason my body felt hot? Perhaps an affect of the wine. I don't know, I'm a noob. Something I wasn't expecting though was how much this wine made me feel. I mean I thought it was supposed to numb you but it just hightened my emotions until I was sitting on the beach alone, crying, mascara running down my face in deep black rivers of pain.
I thought about the things he said, something I havn't allowed myself to think about in years. I thought about the way I felt, the way I would do ANYTHING for him. How things changed and how close we were and for the first time in a long time I felt. I burned and I needed someone to hold me. I was alone, and I was scared. Scared of being hurt again, scared of letting myself feel, but most of scared of being alone with nobody to protect me.
"Hey there stranger." I hear a familar voice beckon from behind me. I wiped my face, trying to hide the evidence that I had a heart. I didn't want people to see me as weak, even though I was the weakest person I knew.
"Hi." I said quietly looking down. Nathan sat next to me.
"So why'd you skip off from dinner so quickly. Couldn't bare to look at me any longer?" he said with a laugh. I didn't say anything, just looked down. I think he sensed the attitude in the air shift. We sat in silence for a moment, as the last bit of day disapeared in the horizen. The saftey was gone.
"Wow." He said looking out into the water. "It's really beautiful isn't it? Perfect to think." He said looking at me, I couldn't help but look up, the moonlight reflecting off his eyes. It was like a vampires trance, I was hooked again. How did he do this?
"Yeah." I said with a nod, "really beautiful."
"Beautiful..." He said again quietly, leaning in towards me until we were inches apart. His lips touched mine slowly and gently. I inhaled, looking up at him his eyes still shut. My heart sunk.
"No." I said quietly pulling away. "No. No! No! No!" I said louder, jumping to my feet, wobiling a bit. Damn that wine.
"What?" he said quickly.
"No. I can't..." I said, a tear trickling down my face. "I can't let you and no! no!" I was screaming now. Why? I'm not sure. "No! I don't want to."
"Lily?" He said, on his feet now. His arms streached outward, pulling my into him.
"No Nathan. Don't do this to me. Not now! Not ever." I said forcefully. " I can't." I cried pulling away from him.
"Lily. Please. Why are you..."
"I'm not going to let you hurt me again." I said loudly, almost a scream. "You can't break my heart."
"I did what?" he said, the color draining from his face.
"You broke my heart." I stammered, the tears running faster now. I'd never said it outloud before. I'd never uttered the words broken heart, but now it was out there and it didn't feel good.
1) Thank you for your comments, they inspire me to keep going and they really put a smile on my face! I never really thought I was any good at writting, like it was just a hobby, but wow you guys are really sweet :)
2) I love getting comments telling me what you liked/didn't like and how you felt reading this. It helps me out alot ! thankk you!
Present time:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thinking back to that day on the steps, I'm mad at myself. I mean really who gets that broken up about a boy? Who cares if he didn't like me. Who cares if he said I was fat and ugly. Who cares if he thought I was pathetic? I sure don't. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care........ well thats at least what I tell myself.
"Lilith!" My mother said knocking on my door quietly. "It's time to get up." She said with a smile. She pulled the shades open and let the sun light slip in.
"Go away." I groaned, hiding under the covers. "Its saturday and its 8. Go away."
"You know we are going to cape cod with Nathan's family. Get up and get dressed. We are leaving in ten minutes."
Right. I forgot about that. Well I mean I didn't really forget but there was nothing I could do so I kind of pushed it out of my mind. I tried the good old leave me home alone I'm a grownup now, but that was shot done before I got very far. I tried faking sick. Fail. So I was stuck sitting in a car for three hours with the boy who broke my heart. Joy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It hasn't changed a bit." Nathan said throwing his duffle bag on my bed and laying on it. "Good old home."
"This is me and Beth's room. Get out." I said, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him out the door.
"You didn't hear?" He said with that obnoxious laugh of his. "Becuase Jim and Claudia are here, your stuck with me," He said with a huge smile, "roomie."
"Over my dead body." I said storming out of the room. "Mom!" I screeched, " Mom!"
"What?" she said coming out of the kitchen holding a cookie sheet full of freshly baked sugar cookies.
"I"m not rooming with him."
"Sorry, no other option. He's like your brother get over it." she said returning to the kitchen. I stormed back into my room, fuming.
"I'll take the bottom bunk," he said with an eyebrow raised, "I hear you like being on top anyway." he said, laughing that obnoxious laugh of his. I wanted to slap him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a long long night, I couldn't take it anymore. After about ten minutes of Nathan being annoying he started to become....appealing. As I stole hidden glances at dinner I started to remember why I had felt for him in the first place. His eyes as deep as the ocean, hidden behind his shaggy hair. His dimbles layed equally on the side of his face.
It was not okay. I can't fall for that jerk again. That jerk that tore me apart. So after dinner I stole a bottle of wine, shitty or good I don't know. I don't drink, well not usually. But this called for special occastions.
I walked down to the beach, along the water. Admiring it as the sunset behind it, the sky a beautiful pink before it turned to darkness. I took a slug of the wine, it burning my virgin throat as it made its magic work. I took another. Then another. Until I had a serious buzz going.
I plopped myself on the sand, digging my feet in it. It was cold but it felt good on my skin, for some reason my body felt hot? Perhaps an affect of the wine. I don't know, I'm a noob. Something I wasn't expecting though was how much this wine made me feel. I mean I thought it was supposed to numb you but it just hightened my emotions until I was sitting on the beach alone, crying, mascara running down my face in deep black rivers of pain.
I thought about the things he said, something I havn't allowed myself to think about in years. I thought about the way I felt, the way I would do ANYTHING for him. How things changed and how close we were and for the first time in a long time I felt. I burned and I needed someone to hold me. I was alone, and I was scared. Scared of being hurt again, scared of letting myself feel, but most of scared of being alone with nobody to protect me.
"Hey there stranger." I hear a familar voice beckon from behind me. I wiped my face, trying to hide the evidence that I had a heart. I didn't want people to see me as weak, even though I was the weakest person I knew.
"Hi." I said quietly looking down. Nathan sat next to me.
"So why'd you skip off from dinner so quickly. Couldn't bare to look at me any longer?" he said with a laugh. I didn't say anything, just looked down. I think he sensed the attitude in the air shift. We sat in silence for a moment, as the last bit of day disapeared in the horizen. The saftey was gone.
"Wow." He said looking out into the water. "It's really beautiful isn't it? Perfect to think." He said looking at me, I couldn't help but look up, the moonlight reflecting off his eyes. It was like a vampires trance, I was hooked again. How did he do this?
"Yeah." I said with a nod, "really beautiful."
"Beautiful..." He said again quietly, leaning in towards me until we were inches apart. His lips touched mine slowly and gently. I inhaled, looking up at him his eyes still shut. My heart sunk.
"No." I said quietly pulling away. "No. No! No! No!" I said louder, jumping to my feet, wobiling a bit. Damn that wine.
"What?" he said quickly.
"No. I can't..." I said, a tear trickling down my face. "I can't let you and no! no!" I was screaming now. Why? I'm not sure. "No! I don't want to."
"Lily?" He said, on his feet now. His arms streached outward, pulling my into him.
"No Nathan. Don't do this to me. Not now! Not ever." I said forcefully. " I can't." I cried pulling away from him.
"Lily. Please. Why are you..."
"I'm not going to let you hurt me again." I said loudly, almost a scream. "You can't break my heart."
"I did what?" he said, the color draining from his face.
"You broke my heart." I stammered, the tears running faster now. I'd never said it outloud before. I'd never uttered the words broken heart, but now it was out there and it didn't feel good.
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comments?love you all!